My 12 year-old daughter is aware of the existence of this blog. Of late, she's been pushing to make her debut, drawing several things for me to consider. While there's a history of displaying our children's art in the G:TB blog family (and Dave's son Ian is really quite an artist for a 9 year-old...whose father couldn't match a tie with a shirt if he were spotted both), I'm just not quite ready for her to be an active participant in this scene.But I came home this evening and found something of hers that made me laugh out loud. She didn't write it for publication - she was just getting things off her chest. I've changed the names to protect the innocent, and, apparently, the constipated. Other than that, I've typed it verbatim. Enjoy.
What: Rant
Who: Mr. [Science Teacher]
Why: Science currently sucks
OK. Listen. I know that as a teacher, your life is busy. You grade. You assign homework. You have to struggle with constipation. But dude! Lay off! First: relax, man! You're always basically complaining, yelling, or pooping about/to/on someone. It's okay to be stuck in the grumpy grumps sometimes. BUT NOT EVERY DAY! Second: How old are you? 30? 32? 40? And I'm pretty sure you're male, right? Then why do you have mood swings like a 16-year-old girl? One moment, you love life. The next, you want to kill everyone! I mean, seriously, who does that? I respect, however, that life is life, and sometimes, things get tough. And, hey! Some days, it's all good. You actually seem to care about us! You're perky! You crack jokes! You smile! You're okay, dude! I mean...sir. But seriously. Just focus more on, ya know, letting loose! Having a good time! Third: You literally pick on the dumb kids. I can list two people in our class who you harp on all the time. You also pick on smart people, too! Like Ian. He doesn't do anything wrong! It gets annoying. My friend told me you HATE her. (I never said I believe her) Okay. I think that, overall, you are a good teacher, and yes, you have your moments. Keep working on it.
Thanks,
[Kid] R.
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100 comments:
My kids will never learn of GTB.
Donald Sutherland by the way, demanded payment rather than a piece of the pie for Animal House because he thought it would be a bomb. Whoopsy.
I'll take this as an admission the rob's kid is his ghostwriter.
holy shit that's funny. girl has got a strong voice.
and clarence, love that you're still bringing up H.M. in casual conversation. that may be the only thing we learned and retained from college.
and i know i'm always pretty out of it (nelson mandela died?) but when did dave chappelle return to stand up?
mark, are you sure you're not seeing dave chapele? he's not nearly as funny.
Auburn gave their head coach a new contract, presumably because Alabama's kicker came up short and Auburn got a miracle 108 yard return. It's that kind of analytical reasoning that makes me want to send my son to Auburn.
Or because they didn't win an SEC game last year and then Malzahn came back to the Plains and they're now 11-1. Oh, and he was the OC when they won the national title. Just a thought.
Dave- he started doing limited dates earlier this year. Pretty sure it's the right Chapelle. Speaking of him, he's kind of swole these days.
speaking of auburn, mark & I are going head's up on that today for our lone pick. he's got Missouri, getting 1. rat bastard.
mark went 3-0 last week to my 2-1. I'm sure you care.
it's about 80 degrees here today.
OU - Ok State is a good one, kids.
Jesse Palmer's wardrobe is failing miserably. Tan suit in December w/ a black tie. Johnny Saunders needs to get him in line.
was just observing jesse in the threads. nice September get-up. he loves him some skinny ties, not that there's anything wrong with that.
tribe/wofford on espn3 at 2:00. enjoy.
Jesse was a huge dork at Florida. He struggled mightily with the ladies. He was so awkward. Meanwhile dumpy Rex Grossman killed it because he didn't give a fuck, loved to party and properly grasped the benefit if being a QB at Florida.
Evan Turner has a pretty sweet shirt for tonight's Big Ten Championship game. http://deadsp.in/H63rzvn
I cannot believe how much Christmas trees cost. I'm starting a fir farm immediately.
Does Malzahn get an extension if they lose to Bama? I'm asking honestly, I don't know the answer.
I think it was more about the Texas rumor that started this week. Reportedly Malzahn has previously commented that Texas was his "dream job". I think it would've happened in the offseason but that accelerated things. Also, Malzahn has the best coaching agent, Jimmy Sexton. He's really, really good. He helped accelerate things too.
I want Mike Gundy's sweatshirt. Well, not HIS sweatshirt. I think you know what I'm saying here.
Is Teej pretending to be a female Auburn fan at the SEC title game? http://twitter.com/edsbs/status/409414008303665152/photo/1
Home Depot, Zman. Buying your Xmas tree in town is a sucker's game.
I feel like I need to check my tone here now that rob 's daughter took a guestie.
Watching end of OK/OK State at the Port City Brewery. Good times.
Good game in Stillwater. Not so for the home crowd but still.
Woooooow
The under was the smart bet in OU-OSU. That late bs TD pushed the total over by a .5 point. Brutal.
I didn't bet it, by the way.
she's not allowed to read anything, z. carry on.
Costco for trees
Now at Bluejacket Brewery in DC watching Mizzou/Auburn
HAM
Gus!!!!!
20 degrees, kansas city. mls cup action!
Fumbling is a bad thing Auburn.
What is the m-l-s?
This game is ridiculous.
it's a scoreless tie. not that ridiculous.
The college first-down clock stoppage rule should only be employed late in each half. This will be a 4+ hour game. I get angry every time Tre Mason gets a first down.
Off to meet official friend of G:TB Juan Carlos (with spouses in tow) for a holiday party at our pool club. I think I'm too old to be as excited as I am for an open bar.
Boo to Zman for bailing.
I refuse to attend black tie events at pool clubs.
This game is fantastic. Well, the offenses are.
I'm not wearing a tux.
More booze for me. Everybody wins. Or should I say, everybody loses. Except me.
Also, what a dirty play by the Auburn DB on Henry Josey. Could've broken something on that collision with the golf cart.
This SEC game is immensely entertaining. Anyone NOT rooting for Mich St tonight?
This SEC game is immensely entertaining. Anyone NOT rooting for Mich St tonight?
Eddie Gheorghe?
Just learned that zwoman attended band camp.
Anything beyond jeans at our swim club is preposterous.
i'm not rooting for msu, unless duke also wins. don't want auburn to have a chance to win the title. fuck those guys.
Eddie Gheorghe? Our old lambo pal Johnny Moritz once tackled him for a loss in high school.
I hear errybody gets laid at bandcamp. I was stupid and quit band after junior high.
But did he ever intercept Ron Powlus?
As for that, I couldn't say
Ill be rooting for Sparty. Both for my wallet and because fuck Ohio. I hate that state.
Tre Mason put potholes in Missouri's lawn. I watched the game with no sound so apologies if that joke was already made.
Brady's claim to fame was intercepting Powlus.
Tre Mason played HS ball in Palm Beach. None of the three major Florida schools recruited him. He rushed for 303 yards in the SEC Championship game.
It's so odd to see duke football on tv.
Pretty sexy, Sparty!
Is it just me or is that FSU ad begging to be called raycess?
FSU and it's fans are somehow very (willfully) ignorant of the racist implications of their nickname, chant, mascot, etc.
I purchased a pair of Wichita State basketball shorts a few days ago. They arrived today and they are pretty fucking sweet.
That's such a bizarre way to decide who receives a $100k scholarship.
Shocker shorts.
It's especially bizarre now that nobody (who wins) throws the football in the traditional manner. People are out there throwing chest passes.
I just discovered that Carlos Hyde went to high school in Florida and did post grad at Fork Union. I hate that I like him now.
I always root for guys from Florida. And I played against (away) Fork Union during a demotion my freshman year at Chowan. Cool environment.
4 days late, but happy birthday Montell Jordan.
#thisishowwedoit
Montell Jordan, strong supporter of choosing a designated driver.
Urban looks bummed.
You probably haven't heard of Rich Homie Quan. Mark Dantonio has though. He was just talking about him during his post game interview.
I'm offended Mark.
And hi Gheorghies.
One Direction is on SNL. This is my first exposure to them. Is the guy who looks like Edward Scissorhands purposely trying to look like Edward Scissorhands?
One direction?
Zman. Lay off the qualudfes
Hannah Storm ages like a fine wine.
can't believe i have to root for fucking florida state.
How are you conscious at 9:38?
I'm sorry, Z. I should've known you'd be familiar with Rich Homie Quan.
With you on Hannah. More "Shananigans" coming out of Redskin Park this am from Rob's favorite owner. Dizz. Ass. Ter.
How do I handle it? Waking into Total Wine to pick up Dale's and Green Flash.
I just gave my can of Dale's a green flash.
"Down in one" as my Belfast buddy likes to say.
Mike Shanahan will be fired before dinner time. And the Redskins are by far the worst team in the league right now.
The Skins are terrible but the Bills just lost to ATL and are getting smacked around by TB. At least you can have a glimmer of hope with RGIII.
Of course, the Bills will have a first round pick ...
Braggart.
Antonio Brown will have a lot of points to make up at the end of the semester.
Baltimore-Minnesota might have been the most entertaining 4th Q of the entire NFL season.
looks like clarence and i will square off next week in the semis of our fantasy football league. mark, danimal, you want to gamble on the matchup?
Everything is wrong with Moose Johnson's ensemble. Complete mess.
Ooh let's go real wagering. I'll take a dime on whoever has most players going against Skins.
the guy i am coaching youth basketball with sent me several documents, including a 114 page doc of drills, a 228 page doc of defensive drills, and a man to man and motion offense doc that i haven't dared open yet.
skins are playing the falcons. clarence has matt ryan. i have roddy white but i won't start him. advantage: clarence.
brad stevens, huh?
Peyton Manning record watch:
He's on track for 5,568 passing yards. Brees has the record at 5,476.
He's on track for 55 TD passes. Brady has the record at 50.
Drew Bree's is 5th all-time in passing yards. Even weirder is Matt Hasseleck at 21st.
Jags are accepting new fan applications if interested.
Becoming a jags fan would be like having a hemorrhoid transplant.
Brees has something like 3 of the top 5 yardage seasons and multiple 5000 yard seasons so I'm not surprised that he's top 5 all time. He's been around for a long time too.
Clemson-Ohio State in the Orange Bowl should be fun. And despite Rob's (legitimate) counter argument I'll take Bama to smash Oklahoma.
Not only painless, but actually enjoyable?
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