My 12 year-old daughter is aware of the existence of this blog. Of late, she's been pushing to make her debut, drawing several things for me to consider. While there's a history of displaying our children's art in the G:TB blog family (and Dave's son Ian is really quite an artist for a 9 year-old...whose father couldn't match a tie with a shirt if he were spotted both), I'm just not quite ready for her to be an active participant in this scene.But I came home this evening and found something of hers that made me laugh out loud. She didn't write it for publication - she was just getting things off her chest. I've changed the names to protect the innocent, and, apparently, the constipated. Other than that, I've typed it verbatim. Enjoy.
What: Rant
Who: Mr. [Science Teacher]
Why: Science currently sucks
OK. Listen. I know that as a teacher, your life is busy. You grade. You assign homework. You have to struggle with constipation. But dude! Lay off! First: relax, man! You're always basically complaining, yelling, or pooping about/to/on someone. It's okay to be stuck in the grumpy grumps sometimes. BUT NOT EVERY DAY! Second: How old are you? 30? 32? 40? And I'm pretty sure you're male, right? Then why do you have mood swings like a 16-year-old girl? One moment, you love life. The next, you want to kill everyone! I mean, seriously, who does that? I respect, however, that life is life, and sometimes, things get tough. And, hey! Some days, it's all good. You actually seem to care about us! You're perky! You crack jokes! You smile! You're okay, dude! I mean...sir. But seriously. Just focus more on, ya know, letting loose! Having a good time! Third: You literally pick on the dumb kids. I can list two people in our class who you harp on all the time. You also pick on smart people, too! Like Ian. He doesn't do anything wrong! It gets annoying. My friend told me you HATE her. (I never said I believe her) Okay. I think that, overall, you are a good teacher, and yes, you have your moments. Keep working on it.
Thanks,
[Kid] R.
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ReplyDeleteMy kids will never learn of GTB.
ReplyDeleteDonald Sutherland by the way, demanded payment rather than a piece of the pie for Animal House because he thought it would be a bomb. Whoopsy.
I'll take this as an admission the rob's kid is his ghostwriter.
ReplyDeleteholy shit that's funny. girl has got a strong voice.
ReplyDeleteand clarence, love that you're still bringing up H.M. in casual conversation. that may be the only thing we learned and retained from college.
ReplyDeleteand i know i'm always pretty out of it (nelson mandela died?) but when did dave chappelle return to stand up?
ReplyDeletemark, are you sure you're not seeing dave chapele? he's not nearly as funny.
Auburn gave their head coach a new contract, presumably because Alabama's kicker came up short and Auburn got a miracle 108 yard return. It's that kind of analytical reasoning that makes me want to send my son to Auburn.
ReplyDeleteOr because they didn't win an SEC game last year and then Malzahn came back to the Plains and they're now 11-1. Oh, and he was the OC when they won the national title. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteDave- he started doing limited dates earlier this year. Pretty sure it's the right Chapelle. Speaking of him, he's kind of swole these days.
ReplyDeletespeaking of auburn, mark & I are going head's up on that today for our lone pick. he's got Missouri, getting 1. rat bastard.
ReplyDeletemark went 3-0 last week to my 2-1. I'm sure you care.
it's about 80 degrees here today.
OU - Ok State is a good one, kids.
ReplyDeleteJesse Palmer's wardrobe is failing miserably. Tan suit in December w/ a black tie. Johnny Saunders needs to get him in line.
was just observing jesse in the threads. nice September get-up. he loves him some skinny ties, not that there's anything wrong with that.
ReplyDeletetribe/wofford on espn3 at 2:00. enjoy.
ReplyDeleteJesse was a huge dork at Florida. He struggled mightily with the ladies. He was so awkward. Meanwhile dumpy Rex Grossman killed it because he didn't give a fuck, loved to party and properly grasped the benefit if being a QB at Florida.
ReplyDeleteEvan Turner has a pretty sweet shirt for tonight's Big Ten Championship game. http://deadsp.in/H63rzvn
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe how much Christmas trees cost. I'm starting a fir farm immediately.
ReplyDeleteDoes Malzahn get an extension if they lose to Bama? I'm asking honestly, I don't know the answer.
ReplyDeleteI think it was more about the Texas rumor that started this week. Reportedly Malzahn has previously commented that Texas was his "dream job". I think it would've happened in the offseason but that accelerated things. Also, Malzahn has the best coaching agent, Jimmy Sexton. He's really, really good. He helped accelerate things too.
ReplyDeleteI want Mike Gundy's sweatshirt. Well, not HIS sweatshirt. I think you know what I'm saying here.
ReplyDeleteIs Teej pretending to be a female Auburn fan at the SEC title game? http://twitter.com/edsbs/status/409414008303665152/photo/1
ReplyDeleteHome Depot, Zman. Buying your Xmas tree in town is a sucker's game.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I need to check my tone here now that rob 's daughter took a guestie.
ReplyDeleteWatching end of OK/OK State at the Port City Brewery. Good times.
ReplyDeleteGood game in Stillwater. Not so for the home crowd but still.
ReplyDeleteWoooooow
ReplyDeleteThe under was the smart bet in OU-OSU. That late bs TD pushed the total over by a .5 point. Brutal.
ReplyDeleteI didn't bet it, by the way.
she's not allowed to read anything, z. carry on.
ReplyDeleteCostco for trees
ReplyDeleteNow at Bluejacket Brewery in DC watching Mizzou/Auburn
ReplyDeleteHAM
ReplyDeleteGus!!!!!
ReplyDelete20 degrees, kansas city. mls cup action!
ReplyDeleteFumbling is a bad thing Auburn.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the m-l-s?
ReplyDeleteThis game is ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteit's a scoreless tie. not that ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteThe college first-down clock stoppage rule should only be employed late in each half. This will be a 4+ hour game. I get angry every time Tre Mason gets a first down.
ReplyDeleteOff to meet official friend of G:TB Juan Carlos (with spouses in tow) for a holiday party at our pool club. I think I'm too old to be as excited as I am for an open bar.
ReplyDeleteBoo to Zman for bailing.
I refuse to attend black tie events at pool clubs.
ReplyDeleteThis game is fantastic. Well, the offenses are.
ReplyDeleteI'm not wearing a tux.
ReplyDeleteMore booze for me. Everybody wins. Or should I say, everybody loses. Except me.
Also, what a dirty play by the Auburn DB on Henry Josey. Could've broken something on that collision with the golf cart.
ReplyDeleteThis SEC game is immensely entertaining. Anyone NOT rooting for Mich St tonight?
ReplyDeleteThis SEC game is immensely entertaining. Anyone NOT rooting for Mich St tonight?
ReplyDeleteEddie Gheorghe?
ReplyDeleteJust learned that zwoman attended band camp.
ReplyDeleteAnything beyond jeans at our swim club is preposterous.
ReplyDeletei'm not rooting for msu, unless duke also wins. don't want auburn to have a chance to win the title. fuck those guys.
ReplyDeleteEddie Gheorghe? Our old lambo pal Johnny Moritz once tackled him for a loss in high school.
ReplyDeleteI hear errybody gets laid at bandcamp. I was stupid and quit band after junior high.
ReplyDeleteBut did he ever intercept Ron Powlus?
ReplyDeleteAs for that, I couldn't say
ReplyDeleteIll be rooting for Sparty. Both for my wallet and because fuck Ohio. I hate that state.
ReplyDeleteTre Mason put potholes in Missouri's lawn. I watched the game with no sound so apologies if that joke was already made.
ReplyDeleteBrady's claim to fame was intercepting Powlus.
ReplyDeleteTre Mason played HS ball in Palm Beach. None of the three major Florida schools recruited him. He rushed for 303 yards in the SEC Championship game.
ReplyDeleteIt's so odd to see duke football on tv.
ReplyDeletePretty sexy, Sparty!
ReplyDeleteIs it just me or is that FSU ad begging to be called raycess?
ReplyDeleteFSU and it's fans are somehow very (willfully) ignorant of the racist implications of their nickname, chant, mascot, etc.
ReplyDeleteI purchased a pair of Wichita State basketball shorts a few days ago. They arrived today and they are pretty fucking sweet.
ReplyDeleteThat's such a bizarre way to decide who receives a $100k scholarship.
ReplyDeleteShocker shorts.
ReplyDeleteIt's especially bizarre now that nobody (who wins) throws the football in the traditional manner. People are out there throwing chest passes.
ReplyDeleteI just discovered that Carlos Hyde went to high school in Florida and did post grad at Fork Union. I hate that I like him now.
ReplyDeleteI always root for guys from Florida. And I played against (away) Fork Union during a demotion my freshman year at Chowan. Cool environment.
4 days late, but happy birthday Montell Jordan.
ReplyDelete#thisishowwedoit
Montell Jordan, strong supporter of choosing a designated driver.
ReplyDeleteUrban looks bummed.
ReplyDeleteYou probably haven't heard of Rich Homie Quan. Mark Dantonio has though. He was just talking about him during his post game interview.
ReplyDeleteI'm offended Mark.
ReplyDeleteAnd hi Gheorghies.
ReplyDeleteOne Direction is on SNL. This is my first exposure to them. Is the guy who looks like Edward Scissorhands purposely trying to look like Edward Scissorhands?
ReplyDeleteOne direction?
ReplyDeleteZman. Lay off the qualudfes
ReplyDeleteHannah Storm ages like a fine wine.
ReplyDeletecan't believe i have to root for fucking florida state.
ReplyDeleteHow are you conscious at 9:38?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Z. I should've known you'd be familiar with Rich Homie Quan.
ReplyDeleteWith you on Hannah. More "Shananigans" coming out of Redskin Park this am from Rob's favorite owner. Dizz. Ass. Ter.
ReplyDeleteHow do I handle it? Waking into Total Wine to pick up Dale's and Green Flash.
I just gave my can of Dale's a green flash.
ReplyDelete"Down in one" as my Belfast buddy likes to say.
ReplyDeleteMike Shanahan will be fired before dinner time. And the Redskins are by far the worst team in the league right now.
ReplyDeleteThe Skins are terrible but the Bills just lost to ATL and are getting smacked around by TB. At least you can have a glimmer of hope with RGIII.
ReplyDeleteOf course, the Bills will have a first round pick ...
ReplyDeleteBraggart.
ReplyDeleteAntonio Brown will have a lot of points to make up at the end of the semester.
ReplyDeleteBaltimore-Minnesota might have been the most entertaining 4th Q of the entire NFL season.
ReplyDeletelooks like clarence and i will square off next week in the semis of our fantasy football league. mark, danimal, you want to gamble on the matchup?
ReplyDeleteEverything is wrong with Moose Johnson's ensemble. Complete mess.
ReplyDeleteOoh let's go real wagering. I'll take a dime on whoever has most players going against Skins.
ReplyDeletethe guy i am coaching youth basketball with sent me several documents, including a 114 page doc of drills, a 228 page doc of defensive drills, and a man to man and motion offense doc that i haven't dared open yet.
ReplyDeleteskins are playing the falcons. clarence has matt ryan. i have roddy white but i won't start him. advantage: clarence.
ReplyDeletebrad stevens, huh?
ReplyDeletePeyton Manning record watch:
ReplyDeleteHe's on track for 5,568 passing yards. Brees has the record at 5,476.
He's on track for 55 TD passes. Brady has the record at 50.
Drew Bree's is 5th all-time in passing yards. Even weirder is Matt Hasseleck at 21st.
ReplyDeleteJags are accepting new fan applications if interested.
ReplyDeleteBecoming a jags fan would be like having a hemorrhoid transplant.
ReplyDeleteBrees has something like 3 of the top 5 yardage seasons and multiple 5000 yard seasons so I'm not surprised that he's top 5 all time. He's been around for a long time too.
ReplyDeleteClemson-Ohio State in the Orange Bowl should be fun. And despite Rob's (legitimate) counter argument I'll take Bama to smash Oklahoma.
ReplyDeleteNot only painless, but actually enjoyable?
ReplyDelete