Saturday, December 07, 2013

Kids Write the Darnedest Things

My 12 year-old daughter is aware of the existence of this blog. Of late, she's been pushing to make her debut, drawing several things for me to consider. While there's a history of displaying our children's art in the G:TB blog family (and Dave's son Ian is really quite an artist for a 9 year-old...whose father couldn't match a tie with a shirt if he were spotted both), I'm just not quite ready for her to be an active participant in this scene.

But I came home this evening and found something of hers that made me laugh out loud. She didn't write it for publication - she was just getting things off her chest. I've changed the names to protect the innocent, and, apparently, the constipated. Other than that, I've typed it verbatim. Enjoy.

What: Rant
Who: Mr. [Science Teacher]
Why: Science currently sucks

OK. Listen. I know that as a teacher, your life is busy. You grade. You assign homework. You have to struggle with constipation. But dude! Lay off! First: relax, man! You're always basically complaining, yelling, or pooping about/to/on someone. It's okay to be stuck in the grumpy grumps sometimes. BUT NOT EVERY DAY! Second: How old are you? 30? 32? 40? And I'm pretty sure you're male, right? Then why do you have mood swings like a 16-year-old girl? One moment, you love life. The next, you want to kill everyone! I mean, seriously, who does that? I respect, however, that life is life, and sometimes, things get tough. And, hey! Some days, it's all good. You actually seem to care about us! You're perky! You crack jokes! You smile! You're okay, dude! I mean...sir. But seriously. Just focus more on, ya know, letting loose! Having a good time! Third: You literally pick on the dumb kids. I can list two people in our class who you harp on all the time. You also pick on smart people, too! Like Ian. He doesn't do anything wrong! It gets annoying. My friend told me you HATE her. (I never said I believe her) Okay. I think that, overall, you are a good teacher, and yes, you have your moments. Keep working on it.


Thanks, 

[Kid] R.

101 comments:

Danimal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Danimal said...

My kids will never learn of GTB.

Donald Sutherland by the way, demanded payment rather than a piece of the pie for Animal House because he thought it would be a bomb. Whoopsy.

zman said...

I'll take this as an admission the rob's kid is his ghostwriter.

Dave said...

holy shit that's funny. girl has got a strong voice.

Dave said...

and clarence, love that you're still bringing up H.M. in casual conversation. that may be the only thing we learned and retained from college.

Dave said...

and i know i'm always pretty out of it (nelson mandela died?) but when did dave chappelle return to stand up?

mark, are you sure you're not seeing dave chapele? he's not nearly as funny.

zman said...

Auburn gave their head coach a new contract, presumably because Alabama's kicker came up short and Auburn got a miracle 108 yard return. It's that kind of analytical reasoning that makes me want to send my son to Auburn.

Mark said...

Or because they didn't win an SEC game last year and then Malzahn came back to the Plains and they're now 11-1. Oh, and he was the OC when they won the national title. Just a thought.

Mark said...

Dave- he started doing limited dates earlier this year. Pretty sure it's the right Chapelle. Speaking of him, he's kind of swole these days.

Danimal said...

speaking of auburn, mark & I are going head's up on that today for our lone pick. he's got Missouri, getting 1. rat bastard.

mark went 3-0 last week to my 2-1. I'm sure you care.

it's about 80 degrees here today.

TR said...

OU - Ok State is a good one, kids.

Jesse Palmer's wardrobe is failing miserably. Tan suit in December w/ a black tie. Johnny Saunders needs to get him in line.

Danimal said...

was just observing jesse in the threads. nice September get-up. he loves him some skinny ties, not that there's anything wrong with that.

rob said...

tribe/wofford on espn3 at 2:00. enjoy.

Mark said...

Jesse was a huge dork at Florida. He struggled mightily with the ladies. He was so awkward. Meanwhile dumpy Rex Grossman killed it because he didn't give a fuck, loved to party and properly grasped the benefit if being a QB at Florida.

Mark said...

Evan Turner has a pretty sweet shirt for tonight's Big Ten Championship game. http://deadsp.in/H63rzvn

zman said...

I cannot believe how much Christmas trees cost. I'm starting a fir farm immediately.

zman said...

Does Malzahn get an extension if they lose to Bama? I'm asking honestly, I don't know the answer.

Mark said...

I think it was more about the Texas rumor that started this week. Reportedly Malzahn has previously commented that Texas was his "dream job". I think it would've happened in the offseason but that accelerated things. Also, Malzahn has the best coaching agent, Jimmy Sexton. He's really, really good. He helped accelerate things too.

Mark said...

I want Mike Gundy's sweatshirt. Well, not HIS sweatshirt. I think you know what I'm saying here.

Mark said...

Is Teej pretending to be a female Auburn fan at the SEC title game? http://twitter.com/edsbs/status/409414008303665152/photo/1

TR said...

Home Depot, Zman. Buying your Xmas tree in town is a sucker's game.

zman said...

I feel like I need to check my tone here now that rob 's daughter took a guestie.

T.J. said...

Watching end of OK/OK State at the Port City Brewery. Good times.

Mark said...

Good game in Stillwater. Not so for the home crowd but still.

T.J. said...

Woooooow

Mark said...

The under was the smart bet in OU-OSU. That late bs TD pushed the total over by a .5 point. Brutal.

I didn't bet it, by the way.

rob said...

she's not allowed to read anything, z. carry on.

Danimal said...

Costco for trees

T.J. said...

Now at Bluejacket Brewery in DC watching Mizzou/Auburn

T.J. said...

HAM

T.J. said...

Gus!!!!!

rob said...

20 degrees, kansas city. mls cup action!

Danimal said...

Fumbling is a bad thing Auburn.

T.J. said...

What is the m-l-s?

T.J. said...

This game is ridiculous.

rob said...

it's a scoreless tie. not that ridiculous.

TR said...

The college first-down clock stoppage rule should only be employed late in each half. This will be a 4+ hour game. I get angry every time Tre Mason gets a first down.

TR said...

Off to meet official friend of G:TB Juan Carlos (with spouses in tow) for a holiday party at our pool club. I think I'm too old to be as excited as I am for an open bar.

Boo to Zman for bailing.

zman said...

I refuse to attend black tie events at pool clubs.

Mark said...

This game is fantastic. Well, the offenses are.

TR said...

I'm not wearing a tux.

More booze for me. Everybody wins. Or should I say, everybody loses. Except me.

Mark said...

Also, what a dirty play by the Auburn DB on Henry Josey. Could've broken something on that collision with the golf cart.

mayhugh said...

This SEC game is immensely entertaining. Anyone NOT rooting for Mich St tonight?

mayhugh said...

This SEC game is immensely entertaining. Anyone NOT rooting for Mich St tonight?

T.J. said...

Eddie Gheorghe?

zman said...

Just learned that zwoman attended band camp.

zman said...

Anything beyond jeans at our swim club is preposterous.

rob said...

i'm not rooting for msu, unless duke also wins. don't want auburn to have a chance to win the title. fuck those guys.

rootsminer said...

Eddie Gheorghe? Our old lambo pal Johnny Moritz once tackled him for a loss in high school.

rootsminer said...

I hear errybody gets laid at bandcamp. I was stupid and quit band after junior high.

zman said...

But did he ever intercept Ron Powlus?

rootsminer said...

As for that, I couldn't say

Mark said...

Ill be rooting for Sparty. Both for my wallet and because fuck Ohio. I hate that state.

zman said...

Tre Mason put potholes in Missouri's lawn. I watched the game with no sound so apologies if that joke was already made.

zman said...

Brady's claim to fame was intercepting Powlus.

Mark said...

Tre Mason played HS ball in Palm Beach. None of the three major Florida schools recruited him. He rushed for 303 yards in the SEC Championship game.

zman said...

It's so odd to see duke football on tv.

Mark said...

Pretty sexy, Sparty!

zman said...

Is it just me or is that FSU ad begging to be called raycess?

Mark said...

FSU and it's fans are somehow very (willfully) ignorant of the racist implications of their nickname, chant, mascot, etc.

Mark said...

I purchased a pair of Wichita State basketball shorts a few days ago. They arrived today and they are pretty fucking sweet.

zman said...

That's such a bizarre way to decide who receives a $100k scholarship.

zman said...

Shocker shorts.

Mark said...

It's especially bizarre now that nobody (who wins) throws the football in the traditional manner. People are out there throwing chest passes.

Mark said...

I just discovered that Carlos Hyde went to high school in Florida and did post grad at Fork Union. I hate that I like him now.

I always root for guys from Florida. And I played against (away) Fork Union during a demotion my freshman year at Chowan. Cool environment.

TR said...

4 days late, but happy birthday Montell Jordan.

#thisishowwedoit

Mark said...

Montell Jordan, strong supporter of choosing a designated driver.

Mark said...

Urban looks bummed.

Mark said...

You probably haven't heard of Rich Homie Quan. Mark Dantonio has though. He was just talking about him during his post game interview.

zman said...

I'm offended Mark.

zman said...

And hi Gheorghies.

zman said...

One Direction is on SNL. This is my first exposure to them. Is the guy who looks like Edward Scissorhands purposely trying to look like Edward Scissorhands?

T.J. said...

Hello

T.J. said...

One direction?

T.J. said...

Zman. Lay off the qualudfes

TR said...

Hannah Storm ages like a fine wine.

rob said...

can't believe i have to root for fucking florida state.

zman said...

How are you conscious at 9:38?

Mark said...

I'm sorry, Z. I should've known you'd be familiar with Rich Homie Quan.

mr kq said...

With you on Hannah. More "Shananigans" coming out of Redskin Park this am from Rob's favorite owner. Dizz. Ass. Ter.

How do I handle it? Waking into Total Wine to pick up Dale's and Green Flash.

Clarence said...

I just gave my can of Dale's a green flash.

mr kq said...

"Down in one" as my Belfast buddy likes to say.

Clarence said...

Mike Shanahan will be fired before dinner time. And the Redskins are by far the worst team in the league right now.

zman said...

The Skins are terrible but the Bills just lost to ATL and are getting smacked around by TB. At least you can have a glimmer of hope with RGIII.

zman said...

Of course, the Bills will have a first round pick ...

mr kq said...

Braggart.

zman said...

Antonio Brown will have a lot of points to make up at the end of the semester.

Mark said...

Baltimore-Minnesota might have been the most entertaining 4th Q of the entire NFL season.

rob said...

looks like clarence and i will square off next week in the semis of our fantasy football league. mark, danimal, you want to gamble on the matchup?

zman said...

Everything is wrong with Moose Johnson's ensemble. Complete mess.

mr kq said...

Ooh let's go real wagering. I'll take a dime on whoever has most players going against Skins.

Dave said...

the guy i am coaching youth basketball with sent me several documents, including a 114 page doc of drills, a 228 page doc of defensive drills, and a man to man and motion offense doc that i haven't dared open yet.

rob said...

skins are playing the falcons. clarence has matt ryan. i have roddy white but i won't start him. advantage: clarence.

rob said...

brad stevens, huh?

TR said...

Peyton Manning record watch:

He's on track for 5,568 passing yards. Brees has the record at 5,476.

He's on track for 55 TD passes. Brady has the record at 50.

TR said...

Drew Bree's is 5th all-time in passing yards. Even weirder is Matt Hasseleck at 21st.

Danimal said...

Jags are accepting new fan applications if interested.

zman said...

Becoming a jags fan would be like having a hemorrhoid transplant.

zman said...

Brees has something like 3 of the top 5 yardage seasons and multiple 5000 yard seasons so I'm not surprised that he's top 5 all time. He's been around for a long time too.

Mark said...

Clemson-Ohio State in the Orange Bowl should be fun. And despite Rob's (legitimate) counter argument I'll take Bama to smash Oklahoma.

Danimal said...

Not only painless, but actually enjoyable?