Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Asswipe

Michael Dubin is trying to fuck with one of the refuges we men have left. Dubin, the founder of Dollar Shave Club, recently introduced One Wipe Charlies, a sanitary wipe for men designed to speed the, um, asswiping process.

As Dubin explains, "Everybody wipes their ass." (To which we reply, no shit, dude. Literally.) The aloe vera and chamomile infused wipes are designed to allow men to speed their post-kid-dropoff routines and improve their hygiene at the same time. We'll let him tell you more in his own words.



I don't know about the rest of you, but I cherish the 10 minutes I get every evening after I walk in the door, kiss the wife and kids, and head upstairs to remove my workaday clothes and enter the throne room. I take my time in there, reading Sports Illustrated or Wired or Gheorghe: The Blog. I decompress. When I'm good and ready, I wipe as many times as I goddamn please. And then I return to my family a calm, happy, relaxed husband and father.

Michael Dubin wants to take my me time away. And I won't have it. Wipe your own ass once, Dubin. Leave mine alone.

33 comments:

T.J. said...

It's National Ketchup Day? Sweeeet. When's the parade?

zman said...

Anyone who doesn't use baby wipes or some equivalent is a fool. Will.i.am explained it best:

http://theblemish.com/2011/04/will-i-am-loves-his-baby-wipes/

Further, I doubt that one wipe is regularly sufficient, even with a One Wipe Charlie. This might be possible with rob's small WASPy ass, but a hairy Hungarian bung like mine needs more horsepower than one wipe can provide

rootsminer said...

If there's one in Roanoke, it better not go by the Texas Tavern. They'll have more mustard on 'em than a gaggle of MLFGs prepping for a late night run down DOG St.

rootsminer said...

Wow, condiments and hairy Hungarian bung. Smells like a great day on tap at GTB.

Danimal said...

1-wipe my ass!
say what you will, this guy is a great pitchman. i predict gazillions for him by the time he needs someone to apply the 1-wiper to his taintal area for him.
he will become the new infomercial czar taking the place of what's his face - the guy that had "heart problems" cough cough cocaine and died a few years ago... mark it down.

T.J. said...

rootsy, we aim to please here at GTB

Mark said...

This reminds me of when Sheryl Crow and Larry David's ex-wife went on a campaign to get people to use one sheet of tp per dump. GTFOH. Ill use a whole roll if it deem it necessary.

Trick Daddy was the first guy I saw advocate for wiping with baby wipes. On MTV Cribs no less!

rootsminer said...

It's great. I'm trying to watch my food intake and this conversation is certainly helping to curb my appetite.

zman said...

I don't know what this world's gonna be, but I know one thing, this is the life for me baby cuz I'm a thug.

Danimal said...

i like you just the way you are rob. don't go changin.

Clarence said...

Except changin' your drawers after you soil them up good.

Clarence said...

"Sting has turned back to his childhood in the shadow of a struggling shipyard in northern England for a musical that will debut on Broadway next year." (REUTERS)

Rob gets erection, the world shrugs.

rob said...

it shrugs nearly every time that happens to me

Mark said...

Not at the top of my Trick Daddy song list, Z but I appreciate the effort. You don't know nan!

Mark said...

Completely unrelated: Last week one if the guys on my men's league team split his eyebrow open on another plsyer's elbow. When I saw him yesterday and his eyebrow was bandaged I asked him if he'd gone to the ER. He said he hadn't because he has a warrant out and didn't want to risk it. Sound judgement.

I'm glad this guy will be able to pass this type of wisdom down to his current four kids as well as the fifth one that's due in a couple months.

zman said...

Florida!

TR said...

I have a conference call later today with a woman whose first name is Twinkle.

No, she is not a prostitute.

rob said...

she may, however, be a furry

zman said...

I assume her last name is Star.

T.J. said...

her last name is obviously Toes.

zman said...

Teedge is right as usual.

TR said...

You're both close. It's Cavanaugh.

TR said...

No relation to Sally Ann.

T.J. said...

excellent deep cut

Danimal said...

doesn't mean i wanna sit next do her now does it?

zman said...

I tipped you guys off to this mashup a long time ago and it was promptly shut down. I have no idea how these samples were cleared, or if they even were. This is some fly vinyl.

http://turntablelab.com/products/wu-tang-vs-the-beatles-enter-the-magical-mystery-chambers-lp?utm_source=Turntable+Lab+Mailing+List&utm_campaign=6d6217aa2d-060513-newsletter_%5Bjune-05-2013%5D_2013_06_05&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_a40291b0ff-6d6217aa2d-26866049&mc_cid=6d6217aa2d&mc_eid=0b44f58fca

Geoff said...

Morris or Pierre?

TR said...

Morris Chestnut?

zman said...

Charles chestnut.

zman said...

Is there anything better than three sets of Sharapova?

TR said...

Yes - a full bag of Funyuns, for one.

T.J. said...

this long-defunct blog has just been brought to my attention:

http://thebullring.blogspot.com/

many of you will recognize the author

rootsminer said...

Wow, with a content stream like that it's hard to imagine how word of that blog did not spread like wildfire.