Friday, April 05, 2013

Shamelessly plugging our corporate sponsor...

A few words of wisdom from Playtex intimate wipes...
 

 


And now you know.
Posted by Clarence at 3:24 PM
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58 comments:

zman said...

A clean Wang punches more cards? Maybe not.

3:32 PM, April 05, 2013
KQ said...

Ok I know I'm always late on this kind of thing but when did Snoop Dogg become Snoop Lion? If I don't read about it here, it didn't happen.

Also, nice ads.

4:29 PM, April 05, 2013
Squeaky said...

Moose Knuckles
Always
Get no play

4:37 PM, April 05, 2013
TR said...

Sorry to interrupt the vajajay and death talk, but have a funny anecdote to share. Just ran into an ex-ladyfriend 15 minutes ago on an Amtrak train from Philthy to Newark. She was a W&M alum. Never crossed paths with her since I let her know 10 yrs ago that I had had my fill of her craziness and was no longer hanging on with her just because her place was a 5-minute walk from my office at the time.

She was sitting next to her new hubby on the train. I was walking by in with beers for myself. There was no choice for us but to give a verbal acknowledgment. We did so quickly and I ambled on. Her husband looked on quizzically, but I never said anything to him.

As I walked past him, the dark part of my brain took over and I thought of the most offensive factual statement I could possibly say to him in a clinical way about his wife. I even mildly offended myself with the thought.

Fun game for you guys to play (but not repeat here). Think of the most offensive factual thing you could say to an ex-flame's significant other regarding your relations with that person.

Immediately after you play that, try to avoid thinking of what your significant other's ex might say to you.

4:45 PM, April 05, 2013
Greg said...

What wast it?

4:53 PM, April 05, 2013
Clarence said...

Why wast th ffort using all th ltters in th alphabt, ither?

5:12 PM, April 05, 2013
zman said...

Did the comment involve all the junk in her trunk? As in your junk and several other dudes's junks? I assume this was the old friend of my old friend?

5:31 PM, April 05, 2013
TR said...

Si si, Pedro.

5:43 PM, April 05, 2013
zman said...

There is way too much offensive material to cover in an Amtrak walk-by with that one.

5:51 PM, April 05, 2013
rob said...

that's not mental at all, tr.

and in the interest of full disclosure per the last thread, i celebrate justin tinberlake's entire catalog.

6:53 PM, April 05, 2013
rootsminer said...

I just stopped in the neighborhood coop for some raw almonds and greens and the gang of kids loitering out front was engaged in a rousing singalong version of Seven Mary Three's 'Cumbersome'. I refrained from being the douchebag who 'used to see them way back in '93, when they were still Grandma Dynamite.

I bought their last album on cd a few years ago for $0.99, just out of pity. I've never unwrapped it.

And TR - you offended yourself? I shudder to think of what it took to do that.

7:08 PM, April 05, 2013
Danimal said...

I read the snoop dogg to lion thing a month or 2 ago in a magazine article. He and his interviewer spent a couple of days together much of which was spent in a medical marijuana joint.

7:30 PM, April 05, 2013
Mark said...

The interviewer was Drew Magary of Kissing Suzy Kolber and Deadspin fame. The magazine was GQ. 'twas a pretty interesting piece. I'm not a huge Snoop fan but he gave us 'Doggystyle' and is at least somewhat responsible for De'Anthony Thomas so he's okay with me. Though this Snoop Lion thing is crap.

And I used to get high with the younger brother of Seven Mary Three's younger brother. Also, was this like an acapella group or something. Why were they out in the corner singing? Don't kids do drugs or break stuff where you live, KQ?

8:52 PM, April 05, 2013
KQ said...

Well funny you should ask, Mark. Let me tell you about my afternoon.

I went to pick up my girls (12 & 14) from school and noticed a man standing by the trail my and other kids use as a cut through from the school to our street. He was clean cut & I assumed he was a parent waiting for his kid. He approached a couple of girls coming down the path, I saw them answer him "no" with freaked out looks on their faces. Naturally I jumped out of the car and asked him what he was doing there. He said he's just there to offer bibles to the kids. After a short exchange I asked him to leave, he politely declined and said he was legally allowed to be there and so I responded that I would be staying to watch him while I called and checked with the police. When he saw me on my phone he picked up his bibles, got in his car and drove away. The dispatch officer sent a police car to my house so I could officially file the report. Of course I have sufficiently freaked out my kids at this point. The officer who came by informed me that they are well aware of this man, and he has been doing this at local schools for a couple of years, and apparently lives somewhere nearby. So that's awesome. The dude is creepy. And crazy.They said he's never given them a problem, never been anything but friendly and polite, and unfortunately it is legal for him to be there.

Then he tells me the bigger concern these days is drugs in the schools. Pot and cocaine, I ask? No, he said. Heroin. And bad heroin, in that they've had several OD's. Oh, and there was a drug related shooting in February. So evidently that's how things are rolling here in the 22101 these days.

9:55 PM, April 05, 2013
Mark said...

Okay then. That's more drama than you were looking for this afternoon, I'm sure. You done good though.

In lighter news, I just found out that Del will be at The Social (my favorite live music spot) in Orlando two nights before I leave for Jazz Fest. Gonna be a big music week for me.

10:00 PM, April 05, 2013
rob said...

for fuck's sake, man. this world needs more dipshittery, and fast.

10:00 PM, April 05, 2013
Mark said...

Just read my previous comment from just before nine. The second "younger brother" should've read "lead singer". I'm dumb. Go Gators!

10:01 PM, April 05, 2013
KQ said...

Did you happen to see Kevin Ware do Letterman's top ten list? That was some good stuff.

And this Nats game is a complete shitshow.

10:07 PM, April 05, 2013
rootsminer said...

Mark, it was not an acapella group. I'd guess these kids were probably doing their drugs somewhere nearby, then hanging out in front of the coop singing along with their guitar playing buddy.

10:52 PM, April 05, 2013
Mark said...

That's more like it.

10:56 PM, April 05, 2013
zman said...

As opposed to the good heroin, like te stuff Vincent Vega got from Eric Stoltz?

6:55 AM, April 06, 2013
TR said...

Bad H made its way to my old high school at the Jersey Shore about a decade ago. It was strictly pot and acid back in my time.

Our local cops were very bored when I was in high school and decided that they would start arresting small-time dealers in our school as a show of force. I saw three different classmates in cuffs. Our cops also liked to drive police SUVs onto lawns of houses having high-school parties. Good times.

In an ironic twist, about a dozen folks from my underachieving class of 220 are now cops in the area. Several of them were grade-A degenerates back in the day.

8:03 AM, April 06, 2013
zman said...

When you take the H out of The Edge you get Teedge.

9:26 AM, April 06, 2013
Clarence said...

Wasn't there a post comparing those two people? Seriously.

10:36 AM, April 06, 2013
Mark said...

There was.

11:51 AM, April 06, 2013
Mark said...

Lots of glorified football practices aka Spring Games going on this afternoon. Anybody else excited?

12:40 PM, April 06, 2013
Mark said...

In case you hadn't heard, Stephen Jackson and Matt Bonner had a joint birthday party yesterday. It was had an Anchorman theme. And Jackson came dressed as Ron Burgundy.

3:54 PM, April 06, 2013
rob said...

seeing people claiming that the adidas/louisville tribute shirts affect kevin ware's eligibility. if that happens, i hope the ncaa gets sued to bankruptcy. or kim jong un nukes it.

5:44 PM, April 06, 2013
Mark said...

I saw that too, Rob. Even if it doesnt happen I'm still okay with the NCAA being destroyed in some form or fashion.

6:04 PM, April 06, 2013
Marls said...

How does "Clean Clams Always Get Shucked" not make the ad campaign.

7:23 PM, April 06, 2013
Danimal said...

Nice game here.
9 blue cheese stuffed olives equals 3 Martinis.

7:57 PM, April 06, 2013
zman said...

Which is why Klam didn't do much shucking.

8:59 PM, April 06, 2013
rob said...

have yet to watch a moment of either game. sitting poolside with 2 dozen shrieking kids at a tiny hotel pool. hell must be close to this.

10:21 PM, April 06, 2013
Mark said...

Danimal's boy Christian Laettner being honored (with others) at halftime.

10:34 PM, April 06, 2013
Mark said...

And you should get to a tv for the second half, Rob. Getting good.

10:35 PM, April 06, 2013
zman said...

I guess I shouldn't have picked Michigan to lose in the first round.

1:20 AM, April 07, 2013
rootsminer said...

Shit Z. You know Klam was shuckin-a-plenty with his box full of betamax smut.

Rob, that sounds like a bad plan. I missed the hoops action too, but it was because I was out in the star city for a kickass live rock show.

1:39 AM, April 07, 2013
rootsminer said...

And while I was out our hometown boy Hancock iced the Shockers with a fairly fratty performance of his own. Check the stats, Gheorghies.

2:39 AM, April 07, 2013
Marls said...

Roanoke is the Star City? How did it ear that moniker? What does that make Winchester?

10:16 AM, April 07, 2013
rob said...

c'mon, marls. winchester is the apple capital.

10:40 AM, April 07, 2013
zman said...

The Noake is a star for sure. Just for the cheesy Western alone.

11:10 AM, April 07, 2013
rob said...

stuck in this dance competition for one more day. someone post something to entertain me.

11:27 AM, April 07, 2013
rootsminer said...

Marls, it's known as the Star City because we have the World's largest illuminated man-made free-standing star. El Paso Tejas doesn't have that.

Z the time I took you there may have been my last visit to the Texas Tavern. I make my own cheesy westerns at home sometimes. That way I can have a decent sized patty and a fresh egg from one of my backyard hens.

1:37 PM, April 07, 2013
rob said...

guarantee rootsy is the only in our number with his own backyard hens. clarence's grey goose notwithstanding.

1:56 PM, April 07, 2013
Clarence said...

69 degrees here in SE VA. As it should be.

3:59 PM, April 07, 2013
zman said...

I worked with someone who had her own chickens and the eggs she brought in were remarkably different from those you get at the store. The yolk was much brighter and the whites were much thicker. So go get some chickens.

4:34 PM, April 07, 2013
TR said...

I like my whites thicker.

5:10 PM, April 07, 2013
Mark said...

One of the families down the street from me have their own chickens but I'm pretty sure they don't have them in order to produce eggs. Just because these people are crazy and think its cool to have wild chickens running around.

5:19 PM, April 07, 2013
rob said...

roy jones jr is your neighbor?

5:38 PM, April 07, 2013
Clarence said...

His neighbor is Mickey. He's waiting for Rocky VII so he can have Rock chase chickens around to get back in shape.

5:48 PM, April 07, 2013
Danimal said...

I have 4 sisters. The youngest just had her 7th child. Her and her husband are real deal catholics, not those poseurs that wear condoms and take the pill. Her kids are home schooled. They live outside of Winchester, the Apple Capital on what my other sisters and I refer to as "the compound". They have a garden that is quite stellar. And chickens. 5-6 of them. I have eaten many eggs from those chickens....yolk is red actually, or at least it was w these babies. Pretty good too.

5:49 PM, April 07, 2013
Danimal said...

Rootsy....love me some Roanoke, a true Virginia city like Winchester. One of my other sisters, actually visiting now lives up dare in Galax, home of the Fiddlers Convention which is on the bucket list.

5:52 PM, April 07, 2013
TR said...

I was lucky enough to get a cheesy western of my own in a ridiculous fall break trip to casa de rootsminer in '95. The w/e started with he and Broka asking me if I wanted to work the sidelines of a Tribe game with them. I would get $5, a free shirt and a free sandwich, and we'd be able to do it after feverishly electing the pope. I took them up on the offer. At the last minute, after several rounds of elections, as we were approaching Zable, they told me the three other kids doing it with me were 11 y/o.

That was the weekend Ken Griffey Jr. crushed the Yanks in the first AL wild-card series ever. Roanoke was a bit more chill than the Dirty Jerz.

5:59 PM, April 07, 2013
rootsminer said...

Ahh, I love it any time I get to recall my illustrious season as Coach Laycock's cord boy.

And TR I think the kid working with you was at least 13.

The backyard chickens weren't my idea, and I wasn't really in favor of them, but they're my charges now and I do love their fresh eggs.

6:39 PM, April 07, 2013
Mark said...

Cord boy. I bet the Pope has one of those too.

6:42 PM, April 07, 2013
zman said...

69 minutes (give or take) til Mad Men. Open up a fresh bottle of rye.

7:48 PM, April 07, 2013
Mark said...

I'm not a big women's basketball fan but the Notre Dame-UConn series is a really good one. And I'm a fan of Skylar Diggins' game so there was a chance I was going to watch their Final Four game. Until it fell on the same night as the Mad Men premiere and Game of Thrones. Sorry, ladies.

8:44 PM, April 07, 2013
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7:02 AM, December 06, 2013

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