Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Equal Time

We're longtime and unabashed supporters of all things vajayjay, but as men (at least legally - we'll leave the question of maturity for another time), we're obviously concerned about our own, um, attributes.

So it's with no small sense of gratitude that we congratulate the San Francisco Department of Public Health for shaking the mothballs (wait for it) off one of the members (wait...) of its hard-working (wait...) staff (almost there...) in service of men's health. We're pleased to announce the return of The Healthy Penis to duty, doing his part to remind men of the need to be tested for STDs and HIV.

According to sfgate.com, The Healthy Penis caused some controversy when he initially debuted in 2002 (actually, three differently hued Healthy Penii were unveiled at that time), but became a beloved community mascot. From the sfgate.com story:
San Francisco may have banned the exposure of genitalia, but that’s not stopping the Department of Public Health from bringing back its giant Healthy Penis. Yes, the beloved six-foot-tall mascot for safe sex is literally coming out of the closet and will be back at parades and other city events – and this time he comes with free penis-shaped stress toys!
Most of us already have free penis-shaped stress toys, but anything that promotes healthy manparts is okay with us.

(Editor's note: we don't love that photo, but we'll be damned if we were going to do a Google Image search for 'healthy penis'.)

[Other editor's note: TMarls wanted the pic below added to the post, showing a plethora of penises (penii? penes?) and one STD crunchberry]


67 comments:

zman said...

A healthy penis has teeth? For vagina dentata I guess.

rob said...

why are those new penii wearing clothes? and are the clothes designed by members only?

T.J. said...

it's a new boy band, 'PeeN Sync

Danimal said...

i see arms also. teeth and arms, with hands. that'd be cool. you could play with yourself and play with yourself and play with yourself...

zman said...

Why aren't the undersides of their nuts covered?

zman said...

Is that raspberry-looking-thing supposed to be a herpes canker?

Greg said...

Your balls are showing.

Bumblebee Tuna.

Sizzle said...

They must be those polyester coaches shorts.

Danimal said...

No stray hairs...shaved up pretty nicely. Balls are very perky and full. Ball envy.
Swam this morning in similar trunks. Lane partner not happy.

zman said...

Maybe it's supposed to be sexy like underboob?

Marls said...

I need a jaunty ascot for my wang, but the vest might be a bit much.

Islander playoff hockey for the first time since 2007. Color me excited. However, not excited by the thought of them playing the resurgent Capitals. The DC bandwagon must be in full swing at this point.

Clarence said...

Why is the brown shlong not significantly bigger?

T.J. said...

definitely should be a johnson wearing a Starter jacket

Clarence said...

Maybe it's Emmanuel Lewis when he showered with the Boston Celtics.

Jerry said...

I'd probably root for the Isles over the Caps.

rob said...

why is the white pecker (the cauc cock, if you will) clean-shaven?

Marls said...

I'd root for the Rangers over the Caps. Fuck Dale Hunter. Scumbag of the first degree.

rob said...

dale hunter is no longer with the caps, for what it's worth. and i'm pulling for adam oates. always liked that dude.

zman said...

You aren't clean shaven?

Danimal said...

penis pics are always great for gtb activity

Marls said...

I'm aware that Mr. Hunter put his tail between his legs and returned to the OHL but as his number is retired by the Caps, they will continue to receive my scorn.

Clarence said...

That Marley Marls didn't use "huge penis" to describe Dale Hunter seems like a wasted opportunity.

Geoff said...

So this happened...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=bPgevg4JHRw

rob said...

i'll need a bit more description before following that link from my work computer.

Squeaky said...

Just another stereotypical slur against a religion by a GOP State Rep.

And didn't you do one of those Tough Mudder races? A guy drowned at the one in WVA. http://goo.gl/U8J1U

Clarence said...

Well then, I'm definitely not doing it. I was thisclose

Clarence said...

Where are the G:TBabes to comment on our phallus photos? Perhaps they're at work, where this post is cock-blocked.

Danimal said...

reading the article on the tough mudder - a person was also treated for electric shock? that's a new one. sounds like this one up there in wva was a tougher mudder.

Danimal said...

would like to train up and do one of those at some point. they have one here next month - i'd commit to one in '14...team gtb bitches.

Greg said...

Clarigor, the "tough" mudder is not as hard or dangerous as they want you to believe. I did one back in December. I'm sure you've had rugby practices that were more difficult.

It's a lot of fun though: a nice run through the woods with friends and some obstacles on the way. I'm doing another one in Vermont in August (if anybody wants to join we could make it G:TTMV)

Jerry said...

Clarence, just make it into a drink - Something like vodka, chocolate milk, and overcooked steak bits. Garnish with top soil.

Greg said...

Since we're on the topic, what's the male equivalent of "cunt punt"? The obvious is "dick kick" (or "prick kick") but I feel like there's something more chuckleworthy out there, I just can't think of it.

Sack Wack?

Cock Knock?

Junk Plunk?

Jerry said...

Wiener Beaner
Tackle Crackle

Jerry said...

Jasper Plaster?

rob said...

pecker wrecker?

rob said...

flang dang is an oldie but a goodie

Jerry said...

Member Dismember

Mark said...

Wang bang?

rob said...

and i ran a super spartan, not a tough mudder. much more badass. but i concur with greg's comments. it's really not that hard. tragic what happened in wva - i've heard that tough mudders are so oversubscribed right now that they get a lot of overcrowding at obstacles.

Jerry said...

Johnson Enconsin'

rob said...

pud thud?

Danimal said...

razz vaz

Jerry said...

Ball Maul
Cock and Ball Ruck and Maul?

Greg said...

Schlong Gong

Danimal said...

tong dong

Danimal said...

spank crank

rob said...

willy clubbed

Danimal said...

or crank spank. i like crank spank.

Danimal said...

caned cane

Danimal said...

log flogged.

Danimal said...

flogged hog

Danimal said...

hog flogged

Danimal said...

rob-did your super gay spartan race include electric shock therapy? i see that the tough mudders do... what's up with that?

T.J. said...

Logjammin'

rob said...

spartans are badass, not stupid, danimal

Danimal said...

is that the Spartan Chant?

rootsminer said...

Package Wreckage

Clarence said...

Trouser mouse roundhouse

Clarence said...

Meat cleat

rootsminer said...

Meat Cleat - good one Clarence.

rob said...

ball/peen hammer

Marls said...

Too many dicks on the dance floor.

KQ said...

That's awesome. One question though...where do you put the batteries?

Clarence said...

Thanks, little little little little bro. Rootsminer, not rob.

Clarence said...

I've been thinking about this. More than a normal person would, but that's what you know I do. When Greg poses a question, it's time to strap on the lab coat and figure this out.

There really is no good equivalent to "cunt punt" for two compelling reasons. Number one is cunt. There's no equivalent word for a penis that makes men cringe/take offense/become outraged. Doesn't exist. You could have a multiple word description that involves chancres and sores, but even that doesn't carry the magnitude that the single word cunt does. You could say "shaft skin graft" and it doesn't evoke as much reaction. And I'm not sure why. In the old country, cunt is what guys call each other rather freely. Then again, in the old country, they eat haggis and steak & kidney pie. They are sick and rude. God love 'em.

Second is punt. It's as brutal an action as any person on the street could do to you without an accessory. Punt you in the cunt. Holy shit. That girl really nailed it. She may have been going for effect, but she probably scared at least one of those boner coeds into wearing a cup.

So we have no shot of measuring up to the gravity of cunt punt. Still, any opportunity to get creative and vulgar simultaneously excites me and my friends here. So I'm all for keeping it up.

Penis Adidas


I don't think we've heard from Geoff. He is, after all, the guy who presented Rear Admiral and got us going on one of the great comments sprees of all GTB time.



Clarence said...

Oh, and hi, Gheorghies. You ball sack wall tacks.

Marls said...

Hi Clarence & Gheorghies.