Saturday, March 23, 2013

That Guy's a Dick!

As one of the very few media outlets in the world to ever have the opportunity to interview the Higgs Boson, we've got a unique perspective on the heretofore elusive particle's personality. We came away from our first encounter impressed with his physical abilities, but found his manners a bit wanting. Bit of a jerk, really.

Given his importance to our understanding of, well, everything in the physical world, we were willing to cut him a little slack. Lots of famous people come off as assholes, after all.

But after what the Boson did to one of our own this week, we've changed our tune. That dude's a dick. A mean, spiteful, dick.

William & Mary physicist Marc Sher "has devoted his entire professional life to theoretical description of the Higgs". When scientists at CERN recently announced new findings about the Boson's behavior, they comported neatly with Sher's theoretical models.

In other words, the Large Hadron Collider proved that Marc Sher's life's work was brilliant. (Though it did not find a way to prove that the William & Mary Tribe will ever make the NCAA Tournament. Some things are beyond science's reach.)

Not cool, LHC. Not cool at all. Marc Sher didn't want to be proven right. Dude wanted more mountains to climb, more challenges to tackle, more theories to, um, theorize. “I always said that the nightmare scenario would be if they found the Higgs and nothing else,” said Sher. “That’s what they found—the Higgs and nothing else.”

No anomalies. No odd ephemera to keep particle physicists arguing over pints. Neat, tidy, perfect. Sure, Sher's got dark matter, and the occasional neutrino to keep him busy. Even supersymmetry, maybe. Or time travel.

Small consolation, that. Would it really have been that hard for the Boson to bob and weave just a bit around the last turn? To bobble slightly in the LHC homestretch? Of course not. But like always, that asshole was just thinking about itself.

Jerk. 

50 comments:

Mark said...

I'm very excited for Michigan-VCU. Go Rams.

Marls said...

Ziggy was a dick too.

Marls said...

Mrs. Marls went got her MBA from Michigan. Needless to say, Go Rams.

Marls said...

went ....got....whatever

She went to Duke undergrad. Please basketball gods help a brother out.

Shlara said...

Happy Corndog Day!
Go VCU Rams!
Shaka!

TR said...

I may be the only guy here other than Jer Bear who cares about US Soccer, but last bight's game in the blizzard was one of the more preposterous sporting events I've ever watched.

It looked exactly like watching a Madden video game when you set the field conditions to snow. But it was a huge win for the US of A. Set your DVRs now for USA-Mexico in Mexico City on Tuesday.

Unrelated note - Zero Dark Thirty is bad-ass, despite some odd casting decisions.

Shlara said...

Did you know that aspiring PGA players can major in "golf management" at Florida GC? Amazing.

Marls said...

What is the over/under of FGC being investigated by the NCAA and sanctioned?

rob said...

personally quite hurt by tr's ignorance of my support of the usmnt. and that game was quite fun to watch. jermaine jones' hair was fantastic.

Mark said...

I'm not hurt by TR's comment. I just think he's a dick. Rob and I were tweeting about last nights game. And I know many of us have been pretty vocal on here about the USMNT. Get off your high, subway riding horse, TR.

Mark said...

Even TJ was watching last nights game.

Dave said...

zman, that mustard on your couch is from normal spillage, and i apologize -- but it is definitely NOT from the most athletic thing ever done (involving 14 beers, an open jar of mustard, and a tonka truck).

and i care about US soccer.

also, my bracket is looking really good. REALLY good. there's no way it can get fucked up.

Mark said...

For those of you not on Twitter, my wife made BLTs with jowl bacon and avocado for lunch today. Oh my.

Mark said...

VCU is getting run out of the gym. Didn't see that coming.

Danimal said...

Shlara....PGM programs (Professional Golf Management) are becoming increasingly popular at schools across the country. Penn State was among the first 2 or 3 to have the program along with Ferris State in Michigan, Mississippi State, and Methodist College in NC. Though you might get a few aspiring playing professionals, more so in the ranks are guys and gals that want to be in the golf biz, and aspiring Golf Professionals especially. (golf pros and pro golfers are two different animals). Today you've got the likes of Clemson, Arizona and Arizona State, and a dozen or two more that offer it.

Marls said...

Do they have to take that class that Carl Spackler was taking?

Chinch bugs...

rob said...

jowl bacon! oh, my.

and the rams are getting dumptrucked. bummer.

Mark said...

Jowl bacon is even better than it sounds. Try it.

TR said...

Sorry to offend you footie fans. But not that sorry, considering you sallies bristled so much.

T.J. said...

i hope TR used sallies just now because i used it yesterday in a similar fashion

but then again, TR is way too cool to use a term Teen used

Mark said...

TR would like you to know he's used that term for many years now, TJ. Because he's much cooler than you.

DJ Stephens is so much fun to watch play basketball. He jumps out of the gym and challenges every shot in the paint. He has 12 blocks in a game and a half so far in the tournament. He's 6'6".

TR said...

I got no time for haters.

zman said...

My Prediction of a VCU vs. Gtown elite 8 matchup was unsound.

Clarence said...

Prediction? Painnnnn.

Mark said...

Does anybody have time for haters? I mean, how much free time must one have to be open to allowing haters to occupy some of their time?

Clarence said...

I have a few hours tomorrow for any haters out there. Bring the hate about a quarter to eight. Bring some vinegar. I'll have the piss.

Danimal said...

Speaking of gawf...Tigger did some damage today with a 66 taking a 1 shot lead into Sunday.

Danimal said...

Do a few extra curls tonight for Joe Weiider. Dead at 93.

Danimal said...

Weider. "One i Weider" we used to call him.

Clarence said...

Popeye Jones has One i Weider.

rob said...

at what point is it appropriate to take to the media to seek the firing of a u9 soccer coach?

Clarence said...

I'm gonna say never. But blogging is not "the media" in my mind. Fire away.

Mark said...

Clarence thinks bloggers live in their parents basements.

T.J. said...

Mocking the selection committee is passé but Oregon as a 12 seems silly right now, no?

rob said...

wichita state is unnnnnconscious

rob said...

apparently costa rica is protesting last night's result. on account of they're a bunch of sallies, apparently.

Clarence said...

I prefer "nancy boys."

Wait, that came out wrong.

Mark said...

Wichita State is my second favorite mid major after VCU. Mostly because I like their uniforms and the MVC is a really good conference.

I also no longer view Gonzaga as a mid major. Go Shockers!

rob said...

i hear you, but i'd really like to see gonzaga make at least one run to the final four. feel like they've earned a lifetime achievement award.

Mark said...

Probably have. I have nothing against Gonzaga. Even though they defeated Florida in heartbreaking fashion in 1999. I've gotten over it. It's a terrific program with a great culture. And Few seems like a pretty good guy.

T.J. said...

Oh Marquette

Mark said...

That game was fun.

Mark said...

Shockers.

T.J. said...

MVC

rob said...

jeez, no kidding. mvc > mwc.

T.J. said...

Oh, sorry, cbb snob

Clarence said...

Hi, Gheorgies!!

Hope all is well out in GTB-Land.

TR said...

I'm probably the only one here who cares about African World Cup qualifying, but yesterday's Bukina Faso - Niger match was a barn burner.

Mark said...

You don't care about African World Cup qualifying.

T.J. said...

If you're bored of this comments section, there is a new open thread up...