Dedicated to the premise that life would be better if we all took ourselves a little less seriously.
Sitting at the bar. Worked my way through Cheeseburger Benedict and two Morning Leis (champagne and pineapple juice), now struggling with a vodka cranberry.
If you're planning an intervention for me, you'd better pack a taser, fucksticks.
fuck that. i'm packing a six-pack and some whiskey.
but really, have you thought about eating better?
Eating butter? Hell yes, but only on other things. Never straight up. That'd be unhealthy.
good. glad you're making smart choices. carry on.
mlb opening night tonight. rangers! astros! it's fannnntastic.sox/yanks tomorrow at 1:05, and me in boston. whatever will i do?
You inspire me Clarence. Who gets more airtime per year? Obama or Schumer? I think Schumer takes him.
Not quite in Clarence's league here (but who ever is), but I'm at a kid-friendly Easter brunch with live acoustic guitar...at a German beer hall in Hoboken. Tired parents with giant mugs of beer chasing kids rocking out to Yellow Submarine and I'm a Believer. It's outright day-drinking wrapped aroun a thin veil of family-friendly activity. Awesomeness.
Any games on today?
Does Florida know they have a game today? I hate everything.
I can't stand Michigan fans. Florida better pull their heads out.
I can hear Mark breaking shit from here
It's so bad that I'm not even mad. Just befuddled. Lazy play and mental mistakes galore. Ugh.
just got home from a long, boozy brunch. easter, fuck yeah. and what the hell happened to the gators?
signs of life!
Stauskas simply unconscious today
that one was silly
Jesus, Florida. Can't do dumb shit like that.
Tim Hardaway Sr still hate the gays?
Florida had a chance when they got it down to 12. Michigan was starting to get tight. Of course, then Florida missed a couple easy shots and turned it over twice. Lead back up to 18. Damn, damn, damn.
And yes, I'm pretty sure Tim Hardaway still hates the gays. Good thing he lives in South Florida. No gay people down there.
erik murphy is -27 today. gaaaaah.
tribe baseball takes two of three from high point. 10 wins in 11 games.
Hate that Murphy ended a really good career at Florida with, possibly, his worst game ever. Oh well, he'll make a nice living in Europe for the next decade.
so everyone has off easter monday except me? f-- y'all
I don't. Why are people off tomorrow?
Uh, no. I'll be at work.
I really do not like these Louisville uniforms. But I gu
But I guess I'm not the target market...
in dave's defense, his understanding of how the world works is somewhat limited.
If you missed the injury, do not watch a replay. You might puke.
I don't think they should keep playing today. That was so awful.
I just tuned in. Napping and all. What was the injury?
Brutal Theismann/Krumrie/Lattimore-level leg implosion for a kid on Louisville. I'm no doctor, but "mega fucked up compound fracture" would be my diagnosis.
Thank you, Doctor Teen. (Like Doogie Howser.)That's rough. One of L'ville's better players?
zman and Dr. Teen will be a spinoff, Loveline-type radio showgram.And Kevin Ware is not a star, but a glue guy for Louisville. Had a big game by his standards against Oregon, tho, scoring 11.
That was easily the worst basketball injury I've ever seen. More awful to see than Shaun Livingston's injury.
Just found out my neighbgoor was in Dumb and Dumber. The "nice butt" was his.
2 pretty shitty games today.Can you tell when my kids go to bed?
danimal, ask if we can interview him
and i believe it's 'look at the butt on that'.
wait, that's wrong: it's 'buns'
glad you got that all figured out
the integrity of our reporting is paramount, teeb
"Teeb" is when he comes out of the shower and puts his towel into a turban.
Teeb the Turrble
Can you imagine our Loveline-style advice? It would always be something like "Dump her for the girl at work."
Kim Jong Unstable heh?
That Ware injury was so bad that you could tell how many places he broke it in just by watching the replay. I would compare it more to the Sid Vicious/Psycho Sid from WCW injury. Pretty amazing Louisville got it together at the half after most of the team witnessed the injury first hand.
so that Bryce Harper kid seems decent at the baseballing
our april fools post is so gtb
Matt Flynn to the Raiders for a 5th rounder an another pick in 2015. He will make $5.25 MM this year. Is this a better move than signing Kolb? I would say yes if it was made by anyone but the Raiders. Watch, Flynn will make the Pro Bowl.
Clarence has us all fooled
Could someone please download this for me before the powers that be shut it down? I'm away from home and my iPod needs this badly.http://smokingsection.uproxx.com/TSS/2013/04/download-dj-finesse-big-over-premier-mixtape
i'll email it to you now
well, that apparently wont work - my email server is crap
The new cracker factory is driving me to drink. And, I hardly drink anymore, so I need some advice on the best gin to buy. Is anyone here a gin drinker?
People seem to like the tanqueray 10.
thanks Clarence. I knew I could count on you for important issues like this.
hendricks. it's so choice.
Second on Hendricks.
If you're used to traditional gin, Hendricks might not be the best choice. If, like me, you think gin tastes terrible, Hendricks is great. Garnish it with a cuke.
Eating here tonight:www.dreamlandbbq.comFuck. Yeah.
Anyone remember when the olympic gold medalist showed up at a party with a pint of gin & box of plastic spoons and convinced a bunch of people to snort gin with him?
Yes. It was not pthe most pleasant way to drink gin but at least we have a good story. "Ever done gym snorts? No?"
"Or gin snorts for that matter?"
snorting gin was indeed a genius idea. as was snorting jello shots. Unit M for Mensa.
please tell me you've had a stuntman. if not, clarence and i will bring the fixins to the beach this summer.
I've never had a man of any vocation.
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