If you're going to take part in the "thirty second news cycle" of the digital universe, then you've got to preemptively strike. So here at G:TB, we are proud to present a comprehensive and conclusive summary of the most memorable news stories of 2012. These are the events that you'll remember ten years from now, in 2022 (or maybe even in 2222, when you've uploaded your avatar to the matrix so you can live eternally in the cloud with Cocaine Bear). We've worked very hard to cull the absolute best that 2012 had to offer, so enjoy the review of the wonderful year it was . . .
1) The Giants beat the Cowboys. A big story with major play-off implications-- especially after the misery of the past two seasons-- but the game was not particularly memorable for me. As a Giants fan, watching the first three quarters was fantastic, but the last thing I remember was Antrel Rolle intercepting Tony Romo. Then I fell asleep. This raises the question: why move a 1 PM game to 8:20 PM on New Year's Day? I understand this might generate more West coast ratings, but it was a home game for the Giants and putting it on at night not only punishes hung-over drunkards, but it also punishes children. My seven year old son-- who's just started to understand football-- was really upset that he couldn't stay up and watch the game. I thought the NFL loved drunkards and children. Or perhaps that's God.
In other big NFL news, Roger Goodell has still not reacted nor replied to this open letter. Not surprising.
2) History repeats itself. My wife has a habit of placing things on the roof of our car and then driving away. She has done this with cameras, keys, memory sticks, a sand dollar, and food. Fans of Sentence of Dave might remember that my very first post dealt with this issue. New Year's Day, my wife left the handset to the phone on top of the car and then drove down Route 1 to a playground, drove back up Route 1, and then finally discovered that it had not fallen off the roof.
3) We orbit the moon! NASA successfully sent two "washing machine sized Grail probes" into lunar orbit on New Year's Day. Perhaps someday we'll send a human astronaut to walk on this forbidding satellite.
4) America still won't embrace evolution! Or gravity. Or math.
5) Dave is working on a concept album (but hasn't completed any tracks yet).
6) Legendary Swordmaster Bob Anderson died. And now that he's dead and I don't have to sword-fight him for his title, I am stealing it. Henceforth, please refer to me as Legendary Swordmaster Dave . . . or I'll skewer you.
7) Dave uses his Neti Pot and does not die from a brain eating amoeba. Or not yet, anyway.