Friday, January 27, 2012

Coming Home

I have a secret to tell from my electrical well.

Wait, wrong post. In truth, I have a confession to make. All but my very closest friends know me as a mild-mannered (I'll thank you to not snicker at this point.) suburban businessman with a wife and kids, minivan, all the trappings. This morning's Washington Post blew my cover and exposed my double life, and frankly, I'm breathing more easily than I have in years.

The Washington Times had the story back in November, but nobody really paid much attention to that right-wing whackadoodle rag:

D.C. United has acquired veteran defender Robbie Russell, 32, from Real Salt Lake in exchange for a 2013 MLS SuperDraft third round selection. In other news, United will kick off the 2012 season at home on March 10. 

Russell comes to United following four seasons with Real Salt Lake, where he played 78 regular season matches (68 starts). The veteran also played in leagues in Norway and Denmark.

It's true. Despite my outward appearance, I'm actually a 32 year-old African American outside back with a penchant for tattooing my club logo on my ribcage. You may remember me from when I scored the winning goal in a shootout to lift RSL to the 2009 MLC Cup. (The stuff about "Tiana" is a bit of a ruse, but it makes for a good story.)

Damn, but it feels good to stop living a lie. Can't wait to see you all at RFK this season. I'll have tickets waiting for all of you.

21 comments:

T.J. said...

You're black?

Igor said...

Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud.

T.J. said...

We're back, we're bad, you're black, I'm mad.

Dave said...

i knew it! or i knew you were leading a double life. i thought it involved "tapping" in rest-stop bathrooms on the jersey turnpike, but this makes sense as well.

SoD could almost be a g:tb post today-- i wrote it during exams yesterday and posted it there, but maybe it could be a filler post over here as well some lazy day . . .

TR said...

My neck is red, my hair is white and my collar is blue.

Geoff said...

So TR's voting for Santorum?

zman said...

Santorum dyes his hair?

TR said...

I am pro Santorum. The man and the fluids.

zman said...

I only agree with half of that comment.

rob said...

that's sick, zman

T.J. said...

Gentlemen, this needs to happen:

RT @dcsportsbog Rent a Verizon Center suite for $2500, get a visit from Gheorghe Muresan

T.J. said...

http://wapo.st/zUOLJN

Igor said...

I see it on Steinbog's page but not on the Wizards' site. If the deal is still available, I'm in.

$2500/18 people is about $140 a pop.

mayhugh said...

Rob, thanks a lot for putting They Might Be Giants in my head. Hot dog hot dog hot diggity dog...

Geoff said...

For the record, I'm in for the Gheorghe suite as is Brubeck in my office.

Dave said...

best, wittiest, and most serendipitous comment of my life over at sentence of dave.

thanks for the set-up, rob . . . an opportunity like this will never happen again.

rob said...

well played, dave. he died yesterday, but we'll give you poetic license.

zman said...

Anyone else still at work? Can I get a fifth of Maker's Mark delivered through Seamless Web?

Jerry said...

Rockets are building a Potomac School Board of Trustees with Chase Budinger and Chandler Parsons out there.

Danimal said...

Anyone in orlando this eve?

zman said...

God bless the beer vendors in penn station. Don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys or lawyers.