Last week, teddy bear/roid monger David Ortiz expressed bewilderment about reports that he'd tested postive for performance enhancing drugs. In a prepared statement, Ortiz said in part, "I have already contacted the Players Association to confirm if this report is true. I have just been told that the report is true. Based on the way I have lived my life, I am surprised to learn I tested positive."
Today, as reported by the Toronto Star, Papi "is still waiting for additional information regarding a positive test for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003. Before last night's game at Tampa Bay, Ortiz said he will share the information, including what was in his system, with the Red Sox and the public. "I'm trying to," Ortiz said. "It's frustrating, but I'm trying to get to the bottom of this. I think about it every day."
The solution, ladies and gentlemen, is as plain as the glove on your hand. We have an active athlete in the middle of a heated pennant race, obviously too busy to focus on what is sure to be a tedious and long-ranging investigation into the truth. In a happy coincidence, we have a retired athlete with several years experience "investigating" specious self-made claims and all the time in the world to pursue the various rabbit trails a thorough examination of Papi's drug story would entail.
Papi, meet O.J. O.J., Papi. If the test ain't there, conviction ain't fair.