Monday, August 24, 2009

Monday Morning Morons

Yep, these people are making us look good...two candidates today:

Our first stop - Times Square in NYC (of course it is). It appears someone has been channeling Aykroyd's drunken Santa from Trading Places while wearing not-so-cuddly Sesame Street costumes.

NEW YORK, Aug. 23 (UPI) -- A man dressed as the "Sesame Street" character, Elmo, was rude to tourists in New York when they tried to photograph him, the New York Daily News said.

The newspaper reported the character -- surly and dirty, nothing like the Elmo on the TV show -- swore at and jostled people who wouldn't give him money when they tried to photograph him Saturday.

Line that got me: "Look man, Elmo needs to make a living, too," he said.

In what should be a surprise to no one, we head to Ohio (Cleveland in fact) to celebrate MMM #2.

CLEVELAND (AP) - Police said a Cleveland barber became so upset by what he considered bad beef jerky that he returned to the store where he bought it and tried to rob the owner. Police said the 28-year-old barber walked into the store where he bought the snack, just two doors down from his barbershop, and tried to rob the owner Thursday night.

Line that got me: The barber told police the stick of beef jerky he bought sickened him and his dog.

Um, of course it did dude, it's beef jerky.

29 comments:

TR said...

The second story also references Trading Places. Remember the terrible train scene at the end?

"Beef jerky?"

"No, thank you. It gives me the wind something fierce."

TJ said...

How did I miss that?

-1 TJ.

TR said...

And I have seen the Elmo in question. My new office is near Grand Central Station. Sometimes I walk west on 42nd St. to Port Authority to catch a bus home. The Elmo in question hangs at the SW corner of 42nd & Broadway. It entices kids to come over, then browbeats the parents. The costume itself is shabby and it's very creepy b/c you know that kids don't see the creepiness aspect and will run over to it.

It's slightly more effective than the bum on the corner of 42nd & 8th that asks for money, and then yells at me when I walk past.

rob said...

hey kids, wanna see mr. noodle?

TJ said...

TR, you ever bump into this guy as well?

NEW YORK, Aug. 24 (UPI) -- Chris Chaplauske carries on a time-honored tradition of trying to make money on the streets of New York in an unusual way, selling bad advice in Union Square.

The 32-year-old advertises his "service" with a sign that reads "Bad Advice $1."

TR said...

I often pass homeless folks who have terrible panhandling strategies. I wonder if they ever think about refining their pitch to increase their efficiency. Then I remember that they are homeless and probably never studied Strategy. Then I think that it might be a good business strategy to mentor panhandlers to increase their efficacy in exchange for a small portion of their proceeds. A 5-8% tithe would suffice.

Then I feel guilty about thinking that, even though it falls under the umbrella of the "teach a man how to fish..." maxim.

Marlin said...

So big brother at the mill just cut off access to GTB. Be proud gents, this little corner of the Internet is now big enough to get targeted by a fortune 50 IT department.

I would love to find out what post put it over the top.

rob said...

power to the people! freedom! wolverines!

TR said...

I love me some Red Dawn references.

Swayze's opus.

Marlin said...

Last I heard, there were a billion screaming Chinamen.

TJ said...

Dude, chinamen is not the proper nomenclature.

Mark said...

So... Mike Beasley has checked into a rehab facility for mental and substance abuse issues. WOW. I've been pretty proud of my prognostication of Beasley's career up to this point but, damn, this sure seems to have come out of nowhere.

TR said...

Was he committed involuntarily for having "Supercool Beas" tattooed on his back?

zoltan said...

One time a homeless guy asked me for change outside my neighborhood Starbucks. I said I didn't have any change, and before I could say "I'll give you some on the way out" he looked at my Yankee hat and said "Yankee fan?!? You bettah watch yo' back in da Fenway!" I replied "This is a terrible panhandling strategy you have going on here" and didn't give him my change on the way out.

Mark said...

That tattoo is amazing on a number of levels. I can't get over the pair of sunglasses that hang off the "S" in "Supercool Beas"...

rob said...

i commend zoltan for his command of written dialect. strong.

rob said...

why is jon gruden screaming at me?

rob said...

although he did just call david clowney 'mr august'. i get jokes.

rob said...

pedro gomez has the brett favre beat? that's perfect.

TJ said...

I realize it's the preseason, but Mark Sanchez, kiddo, it's never a good thing when your first throw of the game is a pick six.

rob said...

so billy wagner's a little bit of a prick, huh?

TR said...

I don't care what the folks in the ESPN booth said, Sanchez and Clemens were both terrible last night. The only solace is that the team ran the ball very well against the Ravens starters. We'll see how that works when defenses stack the box against them.

The Jets as a franchise are in a lot of trouble. The season ticket wait list, once over 50,00 strong, is down to zero. The team is advertising packages for this season. Who knows if they'll be blacked out at home. It says a lot about how fans are pissed about the exorbitant PSLs at the new stadium.

Given all the negativity, I'm surprised that the team isn't mortgaging its future for a decent WR for this year. I would think ownership would sell out the future to squeak out a couple wins this year. If the Jets have a terrible year (and they will), they will be up shit's creek when it comes to selling PSLs for the new stadium. The reasons behind Favre last year and Sanches this year were to drum up enthusiasm for the team. The Favre signing blew up in their faces, and if Sanchez turns into Matt Leinart or Joey Harrington v2.0, it will be a financial disaster.

It's going to be a long season for the Jets.

TJ said...

I can't remember if someone posted it here or if it was emailed to me, but Jacksonville sucks so much this year every single one of their games will be blacked out.

rob said...

that's teejay's way of sticking his hands over his ears and saying 'lalalalalalala' to tr's post.

TR said...

Joey Harrington will turn 31 soon. That surprised me. What also surprised me is that he and Brunell are battling for the #2 job with the Saints.

And on the topic of terrible back-up QBs, here's what the Giants coaching staff had to say about the recent play of David Carr:

"Sometimes you break a horse and sometimes he goes out to pasture and when he comes back in you have to re-train him. We're in the process of retraining right now."

zoltan said...

I think we've had this debate in this space before, but who was a worse #1 overall - Alex Smith or David Carr?

TJ said...

Alex Smith can't beat out Shaun Hill. Alex Smith is horrific. Carr in a blowout.

zoltan said...

I billed almost 80 hours in the past 7 days, and I don't feel like doing anything today. So for fun, and hopefully to spark a lame debate, here is a list of every QB taken in the first 10 picks of the draft since 1980:

http://tinyurl.com/msun6u


Much like Big Beth, this looks like more bust than boom to me. If I were a GM I probably wouldn't take a QB with a top pick.

Fastbet said...

This web site is really a walk-through for all of the info you wanted about this and didn’t know who to ask. Glimpse here, and you’ll definitely discover it…. Ibcbet Casino