Friday, January 25, 2008

Terrible, Horrible Homages

I was halfway through a jelly-filled when she walked into my office. Legs all the way to here, hair as black as Dean Keener's mood, and eyes colder than Eric Maynor's blood. It was the Pocohontas costume that really got me, though – me and Gabriel Byrne, suckers for cartoon babes.

“I don’t know where else to turn”, she whispered, her sweet-warm breath dissipating the bluish haze for the briefest of moments. (I don’t smoke, but I don’t dust much, either). “I took something from the Big Blue Beast, and he wants it back.”

(Dramatic music swells. A lightning crash is visible through the slits in the window blinds. An announcer’s voice is heard.)


Will our hero save the day?
Will the Big Blue Beast get revenge?
Will Litos continue to do his part?
Is it weird that I find cartoon women alluring?
Tune in tomorrow night in Williamsburg for all the answers.

12 comments:

rob said...

swint's last comment in the post below gives me a brilliantly awful idea. how 'bout we all take the 'stimulus' checks we're getting from the government this summer and pool them to create a gambling syndicate?

T.J. said...

Rob, I thought you could use a pic of Nathan "You Da" Mann for this post.

rob said...

ah, i like that better.

Michael Jack said...

I'm in. although who is this swint guy that you're talking about?

rob said...

right. sorry, quint.

T.J. said...

This shark, swallow you whole.

Whitney said...

Man goes in the cage.
Cage goes in the water.
Shark's in the water.
Our shark.

rob said...

farewell and adieu to you fair spanish ladies/farewell and adieu, you ladies of spain.

T.J. said...

You have city hands, Mr. Hooper. You been countin' money all your life.

T.J. said...

Hubie, just once in your life, call "the painted area" the oaint.

And Mike Tirico likes the bad touch.

rob said...

that'd be original, at least

T.J. said...

Indeed. Spelling things correctly would help.

Gonzaga at Memphis, noon, ESPN. Get excited.