We Now Return To "Full Steam Ahead"...

...with The Commodore and Gheorghe:

Commodore: Can we call this the Mike Tyson epidemic?
Gheorghe: Paging Dr. Lecter...
CENTRAL FALLS -- What happened to one Mary Street resident Saturday night made what Mike Tyson did to Evander Holyfield look like a peck on the cheek. After reviewing photographs taken of the victim’s injuries at Memorial Hospital, police said someone bit his lower-lip ("everything pink") completely off, as well as the tip of his left-hand ring finger.

Commodore: Can we get these laws enforced for movie theaters too?
Gheorghe: Her mother was later arrested when her vibrator went off...
CENTRAL ISLIP, N.Y. (AP) A 17-year-old girl was sentenced to 21 days in jail for contempt when her cell phone rang after a judge warned everyone in the courtroom to shut off all electronic devices.

Commodore: Do these pills work to help increase your gf's chances of doing a three way?
Gheorghe: If so, GNC is going to be very popular...
Slimming pills increase chance of lesbian child
TAKING pills for slimming and thyroid problems during pregnancy may increase the possibility of bearing lesbian daughters, a study has revealed.

Commodore: Can these criminals come to DC? Maybe then the Metro will get new escalators...
Gheorghe: How exactly do you go about "stealing" an escalator?
Hong Kong - A subway station in southern China has been forced to delay its opening after an armed gang broke in and stole the escalator, a news report said on Saturday. A gang of 24 men held up builders and looted the construction site at Gouwugongyuan station in Shenzhen, stealing an entire escalator and six steel pillars.