Friday, November 22, 2019

Advice for Players

StarĂ² qui, bella!
As we head into the weekend, Inter Milan coach Antonio Conte offers all of you serious athletes (the male ones, at least) a bit of advice to keep you competitively focused. The former Chelsea boss has strict rules for his squad as it regards relations with the opposite sex:

‘During the season, I advise my players to have sex for short periods and with the minimum of effort, and better use positions where they are under their partners. And preferably, with their wives, because if with others, well, that needs extra action.’

Have sex as fast as you can, as lazily as you can, and keep expectations as low as possible.

And that's...one to grow on.


35 comments:

zman said...

I could be a soccer coach.

TR said...

No you couldn’t. Their suave Euro hairdos are inimitable.

Dave said...

i saw rutgers play ohio state for free!

sorry, way behind on my g:tb.

rob said...

dave is a soccer coach. his suave euro hairdo is way ahead of its time. as is his suave euro foothairdo.

Mark said...

I’m in the middle of my 40 & over league basketball season so I’m going to need to find a way to slip this article into one of my wife’s various social media feeds. Your boy gets buckets in the Dad league.

While on the subject of said wife...her and her friends cooked up a Friendsgiving for tonight. Because we’re all not white and snobby enough (We are).

4 families. 7 kids. Way too much food and entirely too long a night but major disasters were avoided so I guess that equals success. Actually, it equals success if it’s not at my house again next year. Or the year after. Hosting people is exhausting.

rob said...

i assume that mark is in the top 1% of dad league players in terms of overall fitness and willingness to run, which is a huge advantage, on top of his skeeelz. i play old man soccer every saturday, and there are a lot of guys who are more skilled than i am that stop running after 15 minutes. i grind those fuckers down with my annoying refusal to stop running.

Mark said...

It seems quite cold in Laramie.

TR said...

Dukes giving 27 to URI today. Too rich for my blood.

Mark said...

Your assumption would be correct, Rob. As is your premise with regard to the dramatic advantage of fitness in Dad sports.

Whitney said...

At The Shoe. This is fun.

Mark said...

Having my first beer from Surly. The Todd the Axe Man IPA. Quite good.

Pretty jealous of your Saturday, Whit.

Mark said...

Game on in Columbus. Guessing the vibe has changed dramatically around Whitney is the past 10-15 minutes.

TR said...

9 AM leaf raking, 1030 AM flag football, 1230 rec basketball, 4 PM rec basketball. Not my most fun Saturday.

Mark said...

It’s odd to see Oregon as a defense first, tough along the line of scrimmage team. I think it might actually hurt them in the current playoff debate because the national perception of that program is so different than what they are.

Long term though, Mario Cristobal is building a juggernaut. God damn shame (for them) that Miami never gave a real look to a former player who did a respectable job at fledgling FIU and then learned at the knee of Saban.

rob said...

todd the axe man is my favoreit surly beer. that's good drinking, right there.

rob said...

favoreit is the french spelling

Mark said...

Agreed. Easy drinking to be sure.

Mark said...

The guy who resurrected Miami (Butch Davis$!is about to beat Miami as the coach of FIU...

Mark said...

You had a good run, Oregon.

TR said...

My 6th grade son requested we watch Greater tonight, He heard about the Brandon Burlesworth story earlier this year. Movie turned the waterworks on for many on the family. Heavy-handed, but it’s an inspirational story.

Whitney said...

Fantastic day of football fun yesterday. And Mark was right. We were going to bail once it started raining and the Buckeyes were cruising. Suddenly we were snagging more beers and hunkering down.

zman said...

My tennis game is a lot like my lovemaking game—I rely on my deep skills to finish the others side off early, mixing up pace and placement, and relying heavily on my not insignificant volume of junk. This allows me to make things happen anywhere on the court and from just about any position. If I’m forced to grind it out for any extended period of time I will probably just give up.

Whitney said...

And that’s one to grow on

Mark said...

I feel like we’re all still processing axman’s comment. He may need to go speak with the G:TB HR Department.

Unrelated: In the grand scheme of things the NFL fucks up, this is minor, but it’s ridiculous that they had 10 early games today and just two late games.’

Mark said...

Zman is now known as axman, apparently

rob said...

cocaine bear is making an appearance tomorrow. get hyped.

TR said...

Stickman may be a more apt nickname for our coital expert than axman.

Mark said...

Schiano turning down 8 years and $32M from Rutgers is laughable.

Mark said...

I cannot imagine a scenario where I’d choose to watch an NFL game in weather anywhere close to what’s happening in Foxborough.

T.J. said...

Has Dak never played in rain? Because he’s sure as fuck acting like he’s never played in rain

rob said...

first time getting to watch villanova's jeremiah robinson-earl. he's not playing particularly well on offense, but he's got an easy movement to him that seems unfair at 6'10". he's gonna be really good.

zman said...

I’ve been to a game like this in Foxboro (Steelers game with Squeaky). I’ve been to a worse game—imagine this weather only 30 degrees colder (Chargers game with Paci). They ran out of all the hot drinks (cocoa, coffee, tea) and soup. If you were lucky to get a cup of cocoa it would freeze up in a few minutes.

Mark said...

Nope.

TR said...

Aikman is qualmless about laying into Dallas today. And there have been plenty of bad coaching moments. Another Jason Garrett debacle.

Mark said...

Garrett is awful. Squandering the potential of some really talented Cowboy teams.