Monday, November 25, 2019

A Whole New Meaning to Orwellian

Bear game recognize hog game
George Orwell's Animal Farm is widely understood to be an allegory for the arc of certain human revolutions, from their incarnation in idealistic purity to their eventual descent into betrayal of that idealism in the name of power.

A couple of recent events have me wondering if it's more of a warning, or at least more of prediction. Humans, it must be said, aren't exactly covering ourselves in glory at the moment. And I think the animals are planning something.

In Italy, a pack of feral hogs stole $22,000 worth of cocaine from a dumb group of traffickers and stashed it in various places around a forest in eastern Tuscany. Feral hogs are bad enough - those fuckers are mean as hell, and dangerous to boot - but if they're training elite commando units (with 30-50 feral hogs in each) and feeding them coke, we're gonna have a problem on our hands.

Moo, motherfucker
Meanwhile, closer to home, another apparent four-legged training mission took place on the Outer Banks. In May, as Hurricane Dorian hammered the Eastern Seaboard (and what better cover for a training mission than a hurricane), three feral cows slipped silently in the water near Cedar Island and swam the four mile distance to Cape Lookout National Seashore. Since then, the trio has been seen grazing on local sea grasses and lounging in the shade - both of which activities are the kinds of things they'd want us to think they were doing while they were really sending secret messages to Italian feral cows.

"Four legs good, two legs bad" may have been corrupted in Orwell's original manuscript, but if we know what's what, we'll keep our eyes on the four-legged in our midst. It doesn't take much imagination to conjure a scenario where the planet's decided that we're a fucking menace, and that it's done waiting for us to listen to our better angels. Feral cows, indeed.

21 comments:

zman said...

Perhaps the most Gheorghe post of the year.

OBX dave said...

and, you see where climate change-related drought and record fires in australia have erased 80 percent of koalas' natural habitat? some researchers say they're now "functionally extinct" -- a term i'm appropriating to describe myself. no way a deity permits human activity to wipe out those cuddly little bastards without serious repercussions.

rob said...

it's kind of the ur-gheorghe. whimsically/incorrectly interpolating scientific and anecdotal evidence in service of faux alarmism to avoid grappling with actual problems. although the koala thing is a bitch.

Whitney said...

Don't make the mistake of cuddling with a koala. They have sharp teeth and sharper claws. You will be in a world of hurt if you get between them and their eucalyptus leave for a cuddle.

You've been warned.

TR said...

I learned of the phrase "perineum sunning" today. Color me intrigued.

Worth a google search, but maybe not on your work PC.

T.J. said...

Aim it high to the sky, TR

TR said...

I take it personally when teams spit the bit on MNF. So screw you, Rams.

Danimal said...

hello gheorghies. hanging in vegas airport for my redeye to jax by way of charlotte, reading about perineum sunning.

Whitney said...

Well, this is horrible and relevant

rob said...

link don't work. moose out front told me.

rob said...

tribe giving 6 to morehead state this evening. (note: this is not an invitation for another episode of zman: the perv.) this is the kinda game where a good team easily covers that number. as you know, we have no idea what this team actually is, so your guess is as good as ours.

Whitney said...

Sorry, here's the right link. Still horrible.

Whitney said...

And so nobody should say, "I'm gettin' Morehead +6.9"?

rob said...

jesus, fuck. that story is way horrible.

rootsminer said...

Awful. I liked it better when the link didn't work.

Whitney said...

Tribe up 20 with 3:38 til half!
Tribe up 10 at half.

Stay tuned.

Dave said...

best podcast about feral hogs i've ever heard:

https://gimletmedia.com/shows/reply-all/n8hw3d

Whitney said...

Tribe back up 18 with 4:48 to play.
Tribe up 10 with 3:47 to play.

This team can give up points in a hurry.

Whitney said...

Tribe wins by 11. Listened to the 2nd half on the way home from class. Mild entertainment.

rob said...

tribe, y'all

Mark said...

Hit the dispensary this afternoon. Watched the first episode of The Mandalorian. Solid start to Thanksgiving.