Wednesday, April 19, 2017

All My Friends are Squirrels/Take it Slow

I don't think many of us have spent much time at the Society of Vertebrate Paleontology's annual meetings, but that's our loss. Those party people just shook up the world.

Yale University's Stephen Chester partnered with Jonathan Bloch of the Florida Museum of Natural History and William Clemens of the University of California, Berkeley to prove something I've long believed to be true.

Squirrels, it turns out, are the perfect mammal. And in fact, are the progenitors of the human race. My people are the template from which all people were created. You, all of you, owe yourselves to me.

Chester, Bloch, and Clemens found full fossilized remains of Purgatorius, the world's oldest and most primitive primate, at Purgatory Hill in Montana. Our ancestor was "a tiny, agile animal that spent much of its time eating fruit and climbing trees." Sound familiar?

The 1.3 lb. mighty mite may have played a role in the extinction of dinosaurs, and ushered in the Age of the Mammal (which scientists believe will end when a golden-maned assmonkey starts a nuclear war with North Korea). According to seeker.com, "Purgatorius lived during the Paleocene, shortly after the extinction of non-avian dinosaurs. Given the end of the Age of Dinosaurs, the new era began the mammal-dominated era, which we are still in."

Unwritten but obviously assumed in that quote is the notion that Purgatorius single-handedly kicked dino ass and set primates upon a path to, um, primacy.

You're welcome, monkeys.

23 comments:

Danimal said...

let's pour one out for Aaron Hernandez. Or not. Yeah, let's not pour one out.

T.J. said...

O.J. killed two people, but did he kill himself? No. That's why he's a Hall of Famer.

Danimal said...

That's Norm MacDonald'esque right there Teej. >clapping<

rob said...

so it looks like serena williams won the aussie open this year while pregnant. that seems like a high degree of difficulty.

TR said...

On the topic of murderers, Casey Anthony really had it going on back in the day, huh? Wife dragged me into the recent documentary.

T.J. said...

GTBers - if you know anyone who wants to be a Multimedia Design Specialist, and work for The Teej, send them this link please:

http://bit.ly/2pBGJqH

Danimal said...

So the word "Realtor" is a registered trademark? Who knew? Can I assume it is NAR property? Buncha ballers over there.

T.J. said...

They get to work with me here in the DC Realtor® building, though main HQ is in Chicago.

Whitney said...

Bill O'Reilly might apply. Watch your backside.

Donna said...

Hey y'all...our NYC trip starts Sat. I'd love recs for casual places to eat...we are fam of 5, kids are 13, 12, and 9. Also, the High Line--is it a park that you take stairs up to and has food places/shops/etc (I realize this is probably a dumb question). Thanks!!

TR said...

High Line is more of a cool, casual stroll w/ beat people watching and cool plants/architecture. The area around it (Chelsea market, comically pretentious Meatpacking District) has plenty of food options.

Hill Country BBQ is a solid, family-friendly option: 30 W 26th. You may want a reservation to be safe. Not sure where you're staying.

zman said...

You should get a burger at a PJ Clarke's and/or a Shake Shack (there's one across from AMNH if you want to see dinosaurs before or afterwards).

zman said...

Speaking of prehistoric reptiles, why does the mammal in the photo for this post have a tail like a rhamphorhynchus?

Shlara said...

Donna--Shake Shack in Madison Square Park
And, if the weather is nice--pickup food at Eataly and eat in Mad Sq Park (across the street)

Donna said...

Thanks y'all! Staying at W. 37th and traveling by train to NYC, so we will be walking a lot. My crew is very excited!

TR said...

Intrepid is a fun tourist option for the whole family that's not too far from your hotel (probably a cab/Uber, not a walk). If you do that, Daisy Mae BBQ or Hallo Berlin (fun, low-key German restaurant) are good and within walking distance. Intrepid is not all that far from High Line, if you want to keep it real on the far west side one day.

Shlara said...

Guys--I need some advice.
I want to get a pair of Stan Smith's to wear this summer (for work + play)
Do I go with the classic original white + green heel patch?
Or, should I get white with a metallic heel patch?
The white heel patch looks like orthopedic shoes on someone my age...

zman said...

Go with the green. Or be like me and get the green primeknits for the summer, sort of a fugazi Rod Laver look.

http://m.adidas.com/us/stan-smith-primeknit-shoes/S75146.html

zman said...

These are so money (and on sale).

http://m.adidas.com/us/stan-smith-shoes/S82258.html

Shlara said...

ooooh--those prime knits are nice!

Whitney said...

You all would heartily mock my feeble collection of footwear.

rob said...

you got some sweet vans, though

Whitney said...

I love my Vans. And my Reefs. And my zip boots. Which I'm wearing now at the office.