Saturday, November 23, 2013

To The Pain: Week Whatever

It's week 13, I think, of the college football season. Danimal and Mark are back once again to provide you with some select game previews, well, at least one of them is this week (damn u lazy this week, danimal).

DANIMAL PICKS

Down 3 to Mark. Scratchin ‘n clawin baby. Rippin ‘n tearin! (you guys remember that?)
A short one today….sorry. Where has the week gone?

Georgia Southern +28 at Florida
Sorry Mark – will go GA Southern here. If it makes you feel any better, Notre Dame will lose their game vs BYU.

Missouri -2 ½ at Mississippi
Lots of people calling an “upset” here…but I don’t think so. And besides, if a 2.5 point underdog wins at home, is it really an upset? I think not. Regardless, Missouri wins and covers.

It appears the "next Johnny Football" is benched today in favor of James Franklin
Pittsburgh +1 at Syracuse
Both teams coming off of losses and both playing for bowl eligibility. I’d be lying if I said the 2 games the Orangemen lost by 56 each, one of which was to GA Tech, wasn’t a concern. On paper, Syracuse is a better team and they tend to finish strong. Throw in home in the dome and it’s no-brainer. Syracuse

MARK PICKS


Not much prose from Danimal this week. Maybe he's mad at me because I didn't reply to that email he sent earlier this week. Hey, listen Dan. I'm busy. I was doing adult things this week. Signing papers and shit. I'll get back to you.

Meanwhile, as earlier stated, Dan is creeping up on me in the standings. And I'm pretty sure Rob is rooting against me. Whatever, dick. I need a good week so let's get right to it.

Michigan State -6.5 @ Northwestern
Michigan State's defense is among the very best in the country. They're only allowing 13.2 points per game. Sure, their offense is terrible. But it's not as terrible as it was at the beginning of the season. And with the defense scoring some too the Spartans have averaged over 37 points in their last 3 games. Northwestern once looked like a contender for the Big Ten crown but has seen their season go in the tank since at loss at home to Ohio State. The Michigan State defense will just be too tough on the road. Sparty.

Oregon -22 @ Arizona
Oregon didn't cover last week for the second week in a row. Is it time for me to jump ship with a road game against an underrated Arizona team? Does it matter that, earlier this week, some Oregon players said publicly the possibility of going to the Rose Bowl isn't all that exciting to them? I don't think so. Until last weeks loss at home to Washington State, Arizona had given up at least 31 points in it's last 8 games. Oregon's offense got untracked in the second half last week. Give me the Ducks.

Texas A&M +5 @ LSU
Kevin Sumlin is 13-3 in "revenge" games. He's also 7-0 when his opponent is coming off a loss. So Texas A&M is a sure thing in Baton Rouge, right? Not exactly. A&M is never a sure thing with that shitty defense. Luckily for the Aggies, LSU's defense isn't up to it's usual standards this year either. I expect a shootout that elicits several "How about those SEC defenses?" from annoying ACC/Big Ten/Big 12 fans. The last number I saw for the over/under was 71. Take the over and John Football. Gig 'Em Aggies.


Snoop...Tiger?
Bonus: Georgia Southern +28 at Florida
So, about last week. I really thought South Carolina was going to wipe the floor with Florida. Sorry about that. I really had no idea that Florida was going to slow it down and run a junior high school offense. Sklyer Mornhinweg threw five passes. Five! Even more shocking is that South Carolina couldn't consistently stop it. Also of note, I might be rapidly falling in love with Kelvin Taylor.

Okay, back to the game. Florida's not winning by 28 points. Not with the 3rd string QB throwing with single digit pass attempts against a triple option team. I expect roughly 100 combined rushing attempts in this game. Did I mention that this game is only available on PPV for $50? I think I'll pass. But by all means, take Georgia Southern. Make yourself some money.

Gator bloodbath

55 comments:

Danimal said...

Yeah....am lame. I will try and make up for it tonight with lots of wit and a little extra sarcasm.

I think Rob is just looking for a close contest....helps with readership.

Danimal said...

The day has already been productive....early bike ride followed by washed car and bike followed by dry cleaning run and now getting ready to take kids to pool bc they want to swim and then tree lighting in st. Aug. will be ready for some berrrrben when this one is over.

Marls said...

Tree lighting?!? WTF? Don't people realize it is not even Thanksgiving yet? It is not the Christmas season until the Lions take a big steaming dump on a Thursday afternoon.

Get off my lawn.

Mark said...

I'm with Marls here.

rob said...

hey, kids! i'm at my daughter's gymnastics meet. it's as awesome as it sounds!

zman said...

I played an hour an a half of tennis, tended the hell out of my leaves, and am now chaperoning zson to a haircut. He hate haircuts.

Mark said...

Just let the zson grow his hair out. You can live vicariously through him.

Talked to my bookmaker earlier today and he said everyone was on Sparty. That immediately gave me pause. I should've listened to my instincts.

zman said...

Apparently he has to look well groomed for tgives. zcats too.

Danimal said...

Nap time!

Mark said...

Look at that reverse jinx.

Mark said...

I don't understand the formality surrounding Thanksgiving. People get dressed up to sit around and over eat? No thanks. I'm putting on some sweat suit pants and not shaving.

Possibly related, my family hates me.

Mark said...

Miami fucking sucks.

T.J. said...

hold up - marc gasol, andre iguadola AND derrick rose all fucked their knees up last night?

T.J. said...

wife is very sick, and can't even leave house. so i took dog to vet this morning. dog hates the car and the vet. dog literally climbed onto dashboard as i was driving on highway. this was fun.

T.J. said...

haven't seen the Citadel get worked over this bad since Shannon Faulkner pwned them in the mid-90s

zman said...

I never shave on any day where i don't go to work. I always wear comfortable clothes on tgives so that I can eat like a fat slob.

rob said...

marls, you in the rac? are you shaven?

TR said...

I was at the gym at 6:45 AM so I could be home when the kids woke up. Dad of the week award is mine. Took the eldest to indoor soccer, then treated him to nuggets at Charlie Brown's, where he was allowed to sit at a high-top table for the first time whe watching bad college football with me.

One of the amazing things about being six is it's totally normal to stumble into a bad game b/w two teams you know nothing about (Arkansas-Miss St), then pick a team to root for, root like it's the most important thing you've ever wanted in your life, then get distracted by Starbucks in the car ride home and totally forget about the game.

Just came home from there and lost two pounds the easy way.

#dadlife

Marls said...

Not shaven. Not in the RAC. I blame Dave and his Philly trip.

Mark said...

Georgia Southern is 4-4 in conference. And currently up 14-10 on Florida. I hate 2013 so much.

rob said...

tribe opens the second half on a 20-0 run, never looks back. rutgers must suck on ice. thornton went for 28.

Clarence said...

Rob, your contention that ODU made a mistake making the leap so soon looks pretty prudent on this day. UNC 80, ODU 20.

Clarence said...

And Teej, The Citadel got worked over when they cast Michael Biehn in The Lords of Discipline. What an overacting hack.

Casting Olympic boxer Mark Breland was much cooler. Plus "My Name Is" Judge Reinhold, Bill Paxton, and Jack Parkman.

rob said...

odu and unc played a 10-minute 4th quarter by mutual agreement. heels easily could've hung 100 on the monarchs. embarrassing.

Mark said...

ODU should've played Florida.

Clarence said...

I thought Rob was joking. They really did shorten the quarter. ODU should be relegated to I-AA for three years based on that.

Mark said...

Arizona is kicking the shit out of Oregon. Apparently De'Anthony Thomas really didn't give a shit about the Rose Bowl.

Mark said...

Florida loses at home to FBS Georgia Southern. Pretty sure that means I have to get drunk now.

Mark said...

Florida paid Georgia Southern $555,000 to come to Gainesville today.

zman said...

TR, I assume he rooted for Arkansas as he's a big Bill Clinton fan.

Clarence said...

Mark, my condolences on this latest chapter in a miserable year. Seems like the Redskins, most every season since 1993.

Marls said...

UNC had 500 yards at the half. They could have racked up 1000 yards today had they even tried in the 4th quarter. Have fun at the FBS level, especially once the big boys take their ball and ditch the NCAA.

Marls said...

How much does Florida have to pay to make them leave?

Clarence said...

In truth, ODU has the foundation for what could become -- over time -- a competitive D-I program, but they are going to be brutalized for a while, and they are messing up what has been a great dynamic in terms of stadium, regional rivalries, and steady success out of the gate. Good luck, Big Blue Butt-Whippings.

zman said...

zson refuses to wear a diaper. But he isn't potty trained. I forced a diaper onto him and now he's ripshit but I guess that's better than having him rip a shit on my rug.

rob said...

yeah, odu's well and truly fucked for the time being. if only they could've seen this coming. unc took a knee on 4th down in the red zone in the 4th quarter. just humiliating.

zman said...

Tons of big plays for UNC including 6 TD from 40+ yards out.

Danimal said...

Zacapa, not bourbon. This ambitious parenting shit needs to stop now.

rob said...

my daughter has a soccer game at 8:30 tomorrow. the field is 45 minutes from our house. the coach wants the kids there at 7:30. and the forecast calls for 25 degree temps and 20+ mph winds. the whole thing is next level suck.

zman said...

Can't someone else take her?

Danimal said...

The coach needs to eat a bag of dicks. You aren't the coach are ya?

Mark said...

Fuck that coach. Just sampled an alcohol laced root beer. Whoa. It's all down hill from here.

Mark said...

Watching the year to year improvement in the SEC of Missouri gives me encouragement. Then I remember that Florida lost to Georgia Southern today.

TR said...

As a Persian (and Polish and American Indian) American, I am conflicted by this news of a nuclear deal. I hope to see my uncle and cousins in Tehran one day, but think the US is rolling over.

Mark said...

I'm not the only person who thinks everyone with the last name Moncrief is related to Sidney Moncrief, right?

Mark said...

Missouri is damn good. The physically dominated Florida like no other opponent this year. Florida sucks, but my point remains. They don't get respect because they began the year unranked but Mizzou is legit.

TR said...

Charles Manson really outkicked his coverage with his girlfriend, if you know what I mean.

TR said...

Nothing's gonna make the MLS resonate w/ a mainstream audience like this year's KC vs Portland/Salt Lake City final. No need for any of those big cities to get involved.

TR said...

This is supercool:

http://m.rollingstone.com/music/news/wilco-guster-and-furthur-members-to-recreate-the-last-waltz-20131122

mr kq said...

Headin down the pub for Ireland v All Blacks. Never beat em. Never will but Guinness for breakfast never disappoints!

zman said...

Midget Cough is my jam.

Mark said...

I got good and drunk last night because I was going to sleep in. Then the wife woke me up a half hour ago because she got called out to a homicide. Currently quite hungover while watching the kid & Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. This drug deal that went bad had multiple victims.

zman said...

Have a booze-laced root beer. You'll feel better.

Mark said...

That's good advice. It would go well with the oatmeal cream pie I just gave my daughter for breakfast.

zman said...

I'm here to help.