Saturday, November 16, 2013

CFB Picks TTP: Week 12

Danimal's Freight Train of Awesomeness
With the Teej and his bride gallivanting across the Pacific Northwest, I've* been called upon to serve you up your weekly helping of degenerate gambling and community college-level grammatical displays. Also, Mark's picks and prose.

* - there are so many authors at this point that 'I' could pretend to be anyone. We'll let you figure out who wrote the intro.

There was some controversy during last night's exchange of picks. As I was unfamiliar with the highly disciplined kabuki dance of the TTP process, I inadvertently exposed Danimal's slate of choices to Mark. Fortunately, Mark is both a man of honor and smart enough not to pick the same games the same way as Danimal. Crisis averted, but not before a swap of creative name-calling and swearing. I believe I apologized to Danimal for 'fucking up your freight train of awesomeness'. In retrospect, I should've gone with 'derailing your fucking freight train of awesomeness'. My bad, all the way around.

Bygones, then. On to the picks:

Mark

TJ is still out on the west coast taking a trip down memory lane with Mrs. Teej. So once again it's left to me to get the latest edition of the week's College Football picks up and ready for your reading and wagering pleasure on this Saturday morning. It's a good thing I love all (well, most) of you so much. I mean it is HARD GODDAMN WORK writing these posts and making you money with my prognostications. Actually, that's not entirely true. Neither Dan, nor myself has made you much money the last couple of weeks. Sorry about that. We're going to fix it this week though. Well, I am. I can't speak for Danimal. Who knows what the fuck that guy and his 13 kids are up to.



Mississippi State @ Alabama (-23.5)
Alabama proved, once again, last week that they are a wrecking ball the likes of which few of us have ever seen in CFB. I actually thought LSU might win last week. Right up until JC Copeland fumbled as he was going in for a TD on LSU's initial possession. We all know what happened after that. Bama settled in and dominated the 2nd half on their way to a route of the Tigers. So does Bama suffer a bit of a letdown against Mississippi State this week? In a word, no. Nick Saban still remembers what happened the week after a victory against LSU last year, when Johnny Manziel came in to Tuscaloosa and shocked not just Alabama but the entire nation. You can believe that Saban harped on that all week. The Tide will be ready to play and the Bulldogs will be coming into this game without one of their two QBs (both play, and both suck). Alabama could be giving up 30 here and I'd still take them.

Utah @ Oregon (-26.5)
I'm more worried about a letdown/hangover for Oregon here than I am for Alabama. Speaking of hangovers, Greg is in town from now until the end of Thanksgiving weekend. Which means there is at least a 50% chance that I'll be unemployed when December gets here. Anyway, I think Oregon will start slow as they're still recovering from having their National Title dreams crushed by Stanford's 7 and  8 Offensive Linemen formations last Thursday but recover in time to take it to an very average Utah team (that loss has go to KILL Stanford fans, players and coaches) and cover like they seem to do nearly every week. DUCKDUCKDUCK.

Texas Tech @ Baylor (-28)
Texas Tech started the year on fire. After being picked to finish 9th out of 10 teams in the Big 12 (What?) they surprised everyone as Shlara's latest coaching crush, Kliff Kingsbury, led the Red Raiders to 7 straight wins to start the year. Since then…well things have regressed a bit. The Tech defense has gone to shit, giving up an average of 30 its/game in the last 3 games (all losses). A leaky defense isn't a good recipe when you're traveling to Waco to face Art Briles and his Magical Touchdown Tour. I'll take yet another huge favorite and lay the points. Baylor.

Don't ever say I don't look out for you, Shlara.

Bonus: Florida @ South Carolina (-12.5)
A new week and the same old story. I'm telling you. No, begging you to take the Gamecocks here. Florida sucks, that much was proven last week in a blowout loss at home to Vanderbilt. It might be hyperbole to say this is the worst season for Florida Football in my lifetime, but just barely. It's actually the worst season since 1979 when Florida went 0-10-1. Not surprisingly, Florida has more injury issues this week. Starting QB Tyler Murphy (who's actually the backup…and was the 3rd stringer last year) is likely out for the trip to Columbia. In his place, Florida will start redshirt freshman Skyler Mornhinweg who has exactly zero career pass attempts. 12.5 points isn't nearly enough to make me consider taking Florida at night in Columbia and you shouldn't either. Take all that money you bet on Vandy last week and lay it on Steve Spurrier and the Gamecocks.



Florida used to be good at offense… I swear.


Danimal's Picks
Danimal picks up 1 game on the Hughester (Editor: Don't ever call me that…) to get to 4 games back on the year. Still within striking distance but time is running out. The score: Danimal 16-16-1; Mark 20-13. With 4 weeks left of regular season CFB, I need a major trip-up by someone other than me.  Nnnnnnnoooonan! Onward & upward!

TCU +10.5 at Kansas State
KState has won its last 3 and comes into the contest at 5-4 after handling Texas Tech by 23 on the road. They are a top 40 club in rushing, defense, and scoring. Meanwhile TCU has lost 3 of its last 4 including a 3-point OT loss to WVU. For what it is worth, probably nothing, KState beat the ‘eers by 3+ touchdowns. I like their helmets too.
Kansas State

Indiana +23 at Wiscaaaansin
I just love saying that, I really do. I get to go to Wiscaaansin every year or two on bidnass. It’s good territory filled with a good people. Wholesome, hard-working, gritty & tough. Beers, braaats, and Beeadgers yeah? Fuckin a right me-an! Didja know that Allen Edmonds is in Wisconsin? Sure is…it’s directly between Mil-ay Wa-kay and the town of Kohler, right off the highway there –just look for the signs! They’ve got an outlet store attached. It’s a ritual to pop in, time permitting of course, to see what they’re giving away. And they usually are. Not literally of course but lots of stuff under $100. That’s value, people. What does this have to do with football you ask? Nothin…just trying to assist the readership should they have future travels to the region. We do dabble in travel rec’s here at GTB. Plus the likelihood of me getting this pick correct is about 50/50; my rec on the Edmonds stop – that’s just a straight up winner all day long. Oh, by the way, the Badgers are 8-0-1 Against The Spread this year. Indiana is 4-5, and 0-2 on the road.
Hoosier Daddy? The Badger is! (if unclear, I’m taking the Badgers)


Purdue +21.5 at Penn State
Purdue is not a good football team. Penn State is “ok”. Yes, I remember taking Michigan State a few weeks back and paying for it as the makers of boils covered. Well not this time my friends! With Nebraska and Wisconsin left on the schedule, Penn State knows this is their last chance for a 6-win season. I look for them to come out and beat the pants off of Purdue. (let’s stay away from the Sandusky jokes there hey guys?) You see my theme here? I’m going with the decent/above average home fave against the far inferior opponent. It’s pretty simple really.

Nittany Lions BIG

Join Dan and 'I' in the comments... (or 'me', technically)

65 comments:

Mark said...

Ill repeat my feelings that the Illinois helmets are great. The team wearing them? Not so much.

Danimal said...

I concur Mark! I got your back.

Marls said...

Dave: Unfortunately, not heading out in NB today. However, I am very interested in going to to the tribe game next sat.

Marls said...

BTW, Rutgers sucks and none of the RU ladies look like the lasses in this post.

Danimal said...

Nice wiscaansin pic...
I took so car 2-3 days ago and got em at 12.5....today it's 14. I love bargains.

Danimal said...

By pic I mean picture.
Danimal has taken part In the consumption of a bottle of Ron today. Buzz is on but about to come to a screaming halt as 3 kids awake from naps.

Dave said...

next saturday i will be on an overnight adult fortieth birthday in philadelphia. no kids, sleeping over at the four seasons (discount rate!). party is at a little bowling alley with darts and pool . . . and we're going to the barnes museum beforehand. better than SNL. so though i'd love to see some tribe/rutgers hoops, i'm not skipping that for the game . . .

also, my wife is a killer at handing out chores. her line: "it seems like you have a lot of energy to wrestle on the stairs, so i think you guys can . . ."

rob said...

those illni helmet are, indeed, sharp. and tr, for her sake, i hope bobby moynihan's sister got their mother's looks. or at least the side of the family that didn't favor bobby.

Danimal said...

The Indiana helmets are ok too.

Danimal said...

Anyone here have a tempur pedic bed? We are in the market for a new bed....really worn if you know what I mean. Hehe. Decided against tempur pedic 6 years ago due to cost....regret it now.

zman said...

I understand that those astronaut beds aren't great for your back and in some cases can fuck your back up. I slept in one once and did not enjoy it. Too smothering.

zman said...

I too have a big night planned although not as big as TR's -- dinner and a movie with zwoman for the first time since zson was born, enabled by a clutch bit of babysitting by zsister-in-law. I'll be in bed by 11.

Mark said...

I'm going out with Greg and Vitas and some others tonight. I'll check in from a ditch around 3 or 4 in the morning. Big night for the GTB gang.

Also, we're going to watch the Florida game out at a bar. This is something I never do. Then again, I usually have hopes of Florida winning. No stress when you suck as hard as the Gators do.

Greg said...

I always feel that Illinois should be better at sports overall. So many good athletes come out of Chicago that they just don't get.

rob said...

starting to see a lot of pro-ohio state noise in the twitterverse and elsewhere. recognizing that it's a mistake to underestimate urban meyer, does anyone honestly think the buckeyes could compete with the top teams in the sec or the pac 12 right now? the big ten is turrrrible.

Mark said...

Do I take the Georgia money line at Auburn? Really tempted to right now.

Mark said...

They can't recruit Chicago for shit. It's amazing that neither DePaul or Illinois has been able to mine all the basketball talent out of Chicago consistently over the last 30 years.

And no, Rob. Ohio State isn't on the level of FSU or Bama. They're good but benefit greatly from the Big Ten being hot garbage.

Mark said...

Not that I need to back up my opinion on Ohio State HOWEVA, they've given up 35 points to Illinois.

Mark said...

Today, Georgia will be playing against a former player who is now starting for another SEC team for the second time this year. Has something like this ever happened?

zman said...

We might need to Grover Cleveland TR's last post to give his photos the proper commentary they deserve.

Mark said...

So UCF-Temple is gonna be the game of the day? Okay then.

Mark said...

Watch how UCF tied the game at 36 with less than a minute left.

https://vine.co/v/htvxEU9teYi

Mark said...

Urban Meyer kept his starters in late in the 4th so the Buckeyes could tack on two late TDs. Good to see he's as big a prick as ever.

Mark said...

Glad I didn't pull the trigger on UGA. Yeesh.

Mark said...

Georgia had a bye last week. That's why I forgot that Todd Gurley has a bag of money tattooed on his right arm.

Mark said...

Auburn is much better than I've given them credit for.

rob said...

grover cleveland! to coin a phrase.

Mark said...

Damn, Auburn. You scary.

Shlara said...

Coach Kinsbury!! He's a hottie.

Shlara said...

And TR, I can't wait for the SNL recap. I want scoop on Seth Meyers. He's adorable.

T.J. said...

I don't claim to be a CFB expert, but sure seems like Auburn hired Gus and then dedicated all resources to players that specifically got his system. And man is if paying off. (Says the drunk guy in a Seattle brew house)

T.J. said...

Got = Fit

T.J. said...

If = it. Fuck it, I'm going back to the booze.

rob said...

wvu lost to kansas? nice effort, cousinfuckers.

Mark said...

First Big 12 win for Kansas in 27 games. Might be time for Dana to work on his résumé.

Interesting thing about your point, TJ, is that Malzahn recruited most of Auburn's offensive players during his previous stint at Auburn. He was a great hire.

Mark said...

Florida will have 50 scholarship players available tonight. 50. The NCAA allows 85. Fuuuuuuck.

Danimal said...

The Acc championship game could be Florida State and......Duke.

rob said...

that's unbelievable, mark. good gracious.

Mark said...

I'm heading to the bar to watch Florida get smashed by South Carolina. Greg will check in after he's released from a family dinner. I'll check in when I'm drunk and sad/angry.

rob said...

georgia scored too early, didn't they?

Danimal said...

Yup!

Mark said...

Oh. My. God.

rob said...

OH MY GOD IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT

rob said...

that's as cockpunchy a loss as i've seen this year, in any sport.

Mark said...

As bad as I can recall in years.

zman said...

Was W&M involved?

Danimal said...

I have been watching the Baylor game. It's chock full of excitement, worth the ticket price for sure.

Mark said...

I'm drunk. Not yet sad or angry. I'm not quite sure what's happening.

T.J. said...

This USC/Stanford game is entertaining me. Did I just see Leinart up in the coaches box with Haden?

Shlara said...

The Texas Tech game needs more camera time for Coach Kliff

rob said...

and alabama's playing like dog crap. fortunately, mississippi state isn't playing any better.

zman said...

zwoman and I saw Gravity in the theater ... on a screen smaller than Dave's tv. We were stunned and disappointed by the theater.

Mark said...

Once again. Fuck you for making me care, Florida.

rob said...

hope you guys are ready to go to church tomorrow morning. i wrote 1000 words about pope francis. in which i compare vatican ii to porky's 2.

Mark said...

Look at me, both sad and angry. Can it be 2014 please?

Mark said...

Ill be sleeping Rob. That's what I do on Sunday mornings. It's my time with God.

rob said...

i can't argue with that, mark

rob said...

if shlara's boy can get a texas tech score to get under the number, mark'll go 0-3 and danimal will pick up two games on mark this week. verrry exciting.

zman said...

The pope's name is Francis? Lighten up.

T.J. said...

Stanford lol

rob said...

who else is getting excited to see a stoned tr wander into gaga's monologue?

Lumpy said...

His name is Francis but everybody calls him psycho

T.J. said...

But who is GTB's Big Toe?

Mark said...

Joe Kickass met his match tonight. He wasn't present but the girl at the bar how told he boyfriend 'I hate you! ' was. And she loved Greg. His presence in my town is going to be an issue.

Mark said...

Z- was Gravity still worth it?