Monday, August 29, 2011

"Yes" was the start of my last jam

This title of this song properly sums up my experience with Hurricane Irene.



The morning before the storm, zsister-in-law freaked out zwoman, causing zwoman to send me to the grocery store. I live around the corner from a D'Agastino, one of the worst grocery chains on the planet, but I figured it would suffice for milk, frozen food, a bag of apples, pasta, etc. The line was insanely long, much too long to wait for terrible produce, so I went up the street to Food Emporium. If you've never heard of Food Emporium, it was the fanciest supermarket chain in the northeast until Bread and Circus and Whole Foods arrived. It's a step above Harris Teeter but not quite Whole Foods. It was nothing like this:



It was, in fact, like this:



And this:



The photos make the place look big but they don't do it justice. It's massive. It's their flagship location. I suspect that whoever designed the floorplan also runs CVS, because they only have five registers. Five. This is why you only see a few lines of people in the photos. Everyone else is standing in a pool of humanity back by the frozen foods and the yogurt.

Their yogurt selection is daunting. I just get the cheapest fat free stuff they have, which is their store brand and also happens to be organic. But they easily have 25 different brands of yogurt to choose from, based on milk from at least two different species of animal. As I commented that day, all the organic Greek goat's milk yogurt was gone. Shortly after I made that comment, a kid showed up with a bunch of the creamy stuff and restocked the shelf. As soon as he moved away from the counter, hordes of stylish young women with Burberry umbrellas, Torry Burch wellingtons, and eating disorders attacked the display.

I waited on the line for almost an hour, passing by all manner of interesting but expensive and ultimately unnecessary products, like this thing for storing half of an avocado. I saw two different people take one while waiting to pay for my stuff.

I also saw a stylish thirty-something woman frantically scour the display next to the salt display (they have infinite types of salt), and she made an elated face as her arm shot forward into the display and pulled back a bottle. She was only one person ahead of me, so when I got the the display I was able to determine with 100% accuracy that this is what she excitedly grabbed:



She got the second-to-last bottle of black truffle oil. Note that there was plenty of white truffle oil left, but everyone knows that stuff's only useful in a tornado. You need the black junk for a hurricane.

I finally checked out, went home, and made my famous Hungarian pasta: chop half a sopresetta into 1/4 inch cubes and sweat the fat out of them in a sauce pan over medium heat. Once you see a nice layer of oil in the pan, pour in a jar of four cheese pasta sauce -- the brand doesn't matter (in fact, the cheaper the better) but four cheese works the best. Simmer over medium low heat. Boil a box penne (I like the ones with the grooves on the sides to carry the sauce). Pour off the water, put the sauce with the sopresetta in the pot with the noodles, stir, eat. The leftovers will be even better than the original meal, just reheat and enjoy.

Then I cleaned up and met Marls and Marlsette for some drinks. Contrary to rob's fears, we found some absinthe:



I came home and eventually went to bed. When I awoke it was raining. I got some breakfast for zfamily at Hot Jumbo Bagels (which is the shit, anyone who goes to Tal Bagels for actual bagels is either an idiot or from Virginia) it rained until 10:30 am or so, and then it stopped. It was cloudy for the rest of the day.

And that's my story about the time Hurricane Irene hit New York City.

31 comments:

Dave said...

i love that avocado holder!

i wish that was my hurricane story. we are waiting fo the water damage people to come and give us an estimate. so many better things to buy than water damage.

T.J. said...

I didn't read any of this...

Question of you music snobs - the Cold War Kids? What do we know of them?

zman said...

They sound a bit like Talking Heads. You could (and do) listen to worse stuff.

I recently bought a hole in a crawl space and a door to close it up, much like buyong water damage.

Geoff said...

I've spent almost as much money on water damage in the last two years as I have on golf. Not awesome.

Dave said...

i don't remember the cold war kids sounding like the talking heads. i will have to give them another try. i heard you can sometimes get water damage reimbursement from fema-- because i found out yesterday that my homeowner policy does not cover it.

mayhugh said...

I was lucky in that my place only got signifanct water damage after the stupid earthquake.

Hurricane Irene was also stupid - the one fallen tree probably in my whole town happened to be in my backyard.

Anybody want to buy a soon-to-be-condemned condo?

rob said...

how does this post not get a 'sopresetta' tag?

T.J. said...

Hey, what a shock, the Bears have given up on Vernon Gholston too...

Geoff said...

Vernon Gholston's motor is never running.

Marls said...

$21 Million in guar-un-tee'ed cash for big Vernon. That's $1.31M per tackle if he never plays again. Good work if you can get it.

zman said...

I never realized that sopresetta was so exotic. Tag added. You can use any dry cured sausage to make Hungarian pasta. Avoid sausages that come wrapped in plastic, the more artisanal the better. Go to your local Italian store and look for a dry sausage that looks like it has white powdery mold on the outside -- that's the good one.

mayhugh said...

As of today, the Tribe are 8 point dogs against UVA this weekend. Anybody taking that action?

The Dukes are getting 18 against UNC...

Danimal said...

Betting in week 1 is something I try and stay away from until at least 4 or 5 cocktails into my Saturday. Howevaaa if a gun were placed to my head I believe id have to take unc. With the dukes beating tech last year unc will not take them lightly. They will likely be a little pissed off due to recent events. That's just me
.

rob said...

that tribe/uva game is hard to figure. we're not sneaking up on them this year, but they're pretty awful.

mayhugh said...

Danimal, could you be talked into taking Austin Peay and 43.5 points against Cincinnati? Go Governors?

Danimal said...

negative ghost rider. know nothing about either school, but if the gun was applied again, i'd probably take the fave...

Dave said...

You pronounce it supersaad if you want to sound Italian. Or sound like my dad.

rob said...

people in vermont are pretty pissed at us for mocking the hurricane. our bad, my crunchy countrymen.

rob said...

i'd purchase a dave's dad - english dictionary just so i could understand the many ways he used to insult us when we went to his house.

squangeel, you moddafazzits.

rob said...

dave, just finished 'persepolis'. that should be on your list. because it's easy to read quickly.

Shlara said...

I think this country needs a z-reality show. The insights into the z-home are much more amusing than the karsashian show

Shlara said...

Kardashian show. I hate the iPad spell check!!

TR said...

Would be nice to watch jets-giants tonight. Would also be nice to pee with a light and rely on sense of sight, not hearing, to know where I am whizzing.

TR said...

Not sure about zman's reality show, unless watching a man drink beer, eat cheese and fart in his lacrosse shorts are your idea of a good time.

zman said...

Sometimes I make pasta or do laundry. Don't forget about that.

zman said...

I rely on sense of touch to know that my pecker is pointing into the bowl.

Danimal said...

i usually sit down in the dark. sure it's girly, but it keeps the wife happy.

Danimal said...

watching espnu palmer and pollack. i think jesse must tell his tailor - make the sleeves as tight as you possibly can so i can sport my guns.

i'm as giddy as a schoolgirl. can't wait 'til wkd. wife actually said last week, "you must be so excited to be able to watch football all day saturday." that's true love people.

zman said...

They oughta make Venus Williams play this match lefthanded. It's a drubbing.

zman said...

This Jersey girl McHale has weirdly and interestingly effective groundstrokes. I don't understand where all the spin comes from.

Dave said...

loved "persepolis." easy pictures. now you have to read "watchmen" and "safe area gorazde."

at my dad's fiftieth they did a translation of his faux-sicilian dialect.