Dave Bait

The leviathans of the deepest ocean have held a special place in the imagination of artists, authors, and poets since the beginning of time. No less than Herman Melville, Jules Verne, Alfred Tennyson, and Sid and Marty Krofft chronicled the chilling terrors of the mysterious masters of the blackest depths. Peter Benchley scared the ever-loving bejesus out of millions, including a 12 year-old who spent a vacation on Cape Cod anywhere but in the water.

Wired brings us news of the discovery of a creature that renders these fictional frights so many guppies. Described as a cross between ancient whale and killer shark, leviathan melvillei combined 14-inch shearing teeth with a 44 - 57 foot-long fuselage, eating whales just for sport, among other things. According to Erich Fitzgerald, a paleontologist at Museum Victoria in Melbourne, Australia, “If you’re big enough,” Fitzgerald notes, “you can bloody well eat what you want.” Like a Fat Bitch and a cheesesteak and egg in one sitting.

At least one G:TB staff member is reconsidering his future tattoo plans. Another still can't believe he ate the whole thing.