Friday, July 02, 2010

Dave Bait

The leviathans of the deepest ocean have held a special place in the imagination of artists, authors, and poets since the beginning of time. No less than Herman Melville, Jules Verne, Alfred Tennyson, and Sid and Marty Krofft chronicled the chilling terrors of the mysterious masters of the blackest depths. Peter Benchley scared the ever-loving bejesus out of millions, including a 12 year-old who spent a vacation on Cape Cod anywhere but in the water.

Wired brings us news of the discovery of a creature that renders these fictional frights so many guppies. Described as a cross between ancient whale and killer shark, leviathan melvillei combined 14-inch shearing teeth with a 44 - 57 foot-long fuselage, eating whales just for sport, among other things. According to Erich Fitzgerald, a paleontologist at Museum Victoria in Melbourne, Australia, “If you’re big enough,” Fitzgerald notes, “you can bloody well eat what you want.” Like a Fat Bitch and a cheesesteak and egg in one sitting.

At least one G:TB staff member is reconsidering his future tattoo plans. Another still can't believe he ate the whole thing.


12 comments:

d-train said...

ok.

anyone else tired of the lebron story? i'm going long and saying he's staying in cleveland, not that i give two bowel movements.

zman said...

L. melvillei is but a passing paleontological fad. If you want authentic archaic aquatic menace you should get a Kronosaurus tattoo.

d-train said...

or a starfish...on your starfish...

zman said...

I learned of this way too late.

http://www.live.wimbledon.org/page/geoBlocked

T.J. said...

"Unfortunately Wimbledon Live is not available in your country."

Well then, you know what, screw you and your faggoty tennis anyway.

zman said...

Where the fuck are you?

Mark said...

Petoria.

T.J. said...

+1 Mark.

rob said...

c'mon you tulip sniffers

zman said...

So sayeth the rose stemmer.

zman said...

The Murray/Nadal match is great with British announcers as they are blatantly pulling for Murray. They keep referring to Nadal as "the Spanish player" or "the raging bull."

zman said...

Pour some out for Don Coryell.