Thursday, September 10, 2009

How I Like to Welcome Every NFL Season

124 comments:

rob said...

this will make shlara very happy:

texts from last night is being made into a sitcom. http://www.wired.com/underwire/

rob said...

caster semenya, woman. and man.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/2009/09/10/2009-09-10_caster_semenya_.html

rob said...

try this one...

http://bit.ly/8h9DA

TJ said...

Great sitcom idea. Super. Next thing you know they'll be selling us a show with that Ducky guy and Rick Vaughn as brothers/roommates struggling to raise Ducky's son.

Mark said...

I get jokes.

I think Santonio Holmes must too b/c he showed up to tonight's game wearing a Michael Vick jersey. I don't much care about supporting Vick but I do have an issue with wearing another team's (non-throwback)jersey to your team's game. Just seems a little douchey to me.

TJ said...

In his defense, he was/is high as hell.

And I can do that sitcom bit all night if you want...

Mark said...

Sounds good to me.

Are we live blogging this evening's festivities or what? If so, call tiny and get him involved and then call Geoff and get him to cancel his bridge game so he can join us over here too.

Finally, anybody seen or heard from Greg since he returned from Greece?

TJ said...

Greg is alive and well...and we can only hope he'll jump in tonight in typical Joe Kickass fashion.

I can't wait for a sitcom that stars an ex-NFL player and the small black child he adopts and raises.

Mark said...

By the way TJ, your excuse for Santoni Holmes is no good. I'm high as hell and you don't see me wearing an Adrian McPherson jersey....

TJ said...

Or do I?

Mark said...

I have to admit...I love Clemson's all purple unis.

Mark said...

Sneaky good (or great) sports night:

Titans-Steelers, Clemson-GT and Men's quarters in the US Open.

Mark said...

Bart Scott rocked a dope shirt on PTI today which read, "Known to do the impossible like Broadway Joe".

Not surprisingly, the Tribe reference was lost on Wilbon and Kornheiser.

TJ said...

Fine, I'll say it, Harry just brought it...

TJ said...

Mark, what the hell happened in this Clemson game?

Mark said...

Tech had an 82 yard run on their second play from scrimmage and then a punt return for a TD the second time they got the ball. Then they picked off a Clemson pass on the ensuing possession. I think you get the idea.

TJ said...

I'd rather watch a sitcom with an ex-taxi driver, his soon-to-be piece of ass daughter and some flamingly gay 10 year old.

Mark said...

Things I learned during the NFL offseason:

Chris Johnson is from Orlando.

Mark said...

You forgot the overly sexual cougar grandma TJ. How could you?

TJ said...

The GILF?

Mark said...

Pittsburgh's Oline looks as shaky as ever.

Mark said...

So Polamalu's pretty good, huh?

Geoff said...

This game is quite odd. Feels like it should be 10-7...but if you've noticed...its not...

Shlara said...

I'm not sure TFLN will translate on a sitcom, but I'm sure I'll watch it...love that website.

I also loved Harry Connick Jr. singing the anthem at the Steelers game. Now we just need them to score.

TJ said...

Oh yes Chris, Big Ben will hold any ball(s), any time, any where.

TJ said...

Seriously, there has never been a better blocking WR than Hines Ward?

I call bullshit.

Geoff said...

I read a long article today detailing how Jason Campbell made the least bad throwing decisions in the NFL in weeks 1-10 last year (he made exactly zero according to football outsiders) and the article went on to say how this was a bad thing, because he wasn't taking any chances and making big plays. BigBen's play in this game is kind of reinforcing that line of thinking...good, winning QBs sometimes make some shitty decisions, because often over time those risks prove worth it.

Geoff said...

I'd like to ask whoever claims that re-Ward to name who he thinks are #s 2-10.

TJ said...

Whoa, Al Michaels needs to re-sod the green.

Geoff said...

Yeah. Al's hair tonight is brought to you by Duron.

Geoff said...

Michael, where are you hiding your air? In your Roos?

Mark said...

Stop with the towel talk already. Its a fucking towel.

TJ said...

No, you're a towel.

Mark said...

Nate Washington's going to shoot himself around Xmas time?

Good, more towel talk.

Mark said...

Also...to Geoff's point about Roethlisberger. He's just wild enough and successful enough that he's pretty damn close to becoming the new Favre.

TJ said...

That's it...Mark, you're out of here. You said the magic word for ejection.

Mark said...

I mean that in terms media fellatio and obsession.

TJ said...

I really enjoyed Dick Lebeau as the father of that weasely gay psychiatrist and the coke-loving older brother radio psychiatrist.

Mark said...

Its true TJ. Think about his various fuck ups and subsequent kid glove treatment by the mainstream media.

Mark said...

AHL

Geoff said...

There's not much funnier than this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzbURUrgQao

Mark said...

I like football. Do you like football?

TJ said...

Was that a Rod Bironas "AHL" or are my sitcom jokes starting to win you over, like a renegade team of Vietnam vets forced to live in the Los Angeles underground?

Geoff said...

Michaels jinxed Bironas good earlier in the game.

Geoff said...

I've seen the Holmes Super Bowl winning TD 200 times, and I still don't know if its a TD or not.

TJ said...

Why couldn't Biggest Loser be a Fox show about Screech, Todd Bridges, Dan Quayle, Daisy Fuentes, etc? I'd watch that.

Geoff said...

I ran into Dan Quayle the other day. He looks shockingly old.

Shlara said...

finally!

Geoff said...

Rapistberger...that creep can roll...

Mark said...

Stepped out of the room for a minute. Hear hear on Holmes' Super Bowl winner.

TJ said...

28 year olds dude

Mark said...

I forgot Javon Ringer was on the Titans. They are fucking stacked at RB. QB and WR? Well...not so much.

Mark said...

Sorry Kenny, jeez.

Mark said...

Now its an Arena league game?

Mark said...

Classic Ben? Really?

Geoff said...

That's one of the more exciting 7-7 halves I've seen.

Shlara said...

I just read that Chris Ballard W&M story.
Made me cry.
Jimmye is a class act.

Mark said...

TJ...you taken a look at this Clemson-Tech game?

Mark said...

Kevin Mawae and Cecil Collins are from the same town. The mascot for the local high is the Wampus Cats. That is all.

rob said...

i approve of tonight's commentating efforts. well done, boys and girl.

Geoff said...

Its tough to get a sense of momentum in this game.

TJ said...

Um, what did Clemson take at halftime? The same meth my cat appears to be on right now?

Mark said...

"Jevon Kearse shaken up."

I've never heard that before.

Geoff said...

Yeah, I'm with Rob...Collinsworth and Michaels are fine by me.

Oh, Kearse is injured? I had week 2 in the office pool.

TJ said...

We're tied at 27 in the GT/Clemson game...did not see that coming 2 hrs ago.

Mark said...

The ACC will be a bucket of crabs all year.

TJ said...

So does Utz want me to eat the entire barrel of pretzel rods in one sitting? Is that the challenge? Because I'm halfway home...

TJ said...

Clemson's playcalling right now...suspect.

No Craig James, that is not an outstanding play call. You are an idiot.

Mark said...

I'm making the switch to Clemson-Tech for the final 4 minutes.

TJ said...

Come on, who wants to take a shot at recreating the letter the Raiders sent to Richard Seymour?

TJ said...

I smell OT in Atlanta...

and dirty strippers.

TJ said...

Or not.

Mark said...

I introduced my girlfriend to TFLN a few minutes ago. She's currently hysterically laughing (borderline crying) in the other room.

Geoff said...

How bout them Nats holding on against the world champs? Nice game for the recently called up Ian Desmond.

TJ said...

FML, TFLN, they're all fine and good as long as we all recognize they're not real and are comedy websites. We're all smart people and can agree to this, right?

Geoff said...

Yes. TFLN is clearly 90% fabrications or more.

TJ said...

Geoff, stop pretending you like/care/watch beisbol.

Mark said...

Indeed.

Mark said...

Somebody should take internet access away from Tila Tequila.

TJ said...

Odds this guy pulls a Bironas?

TJ said...

I blame VH1 for this whole mess.

And Norv.

Mark said...

Is Dabo short for anything?

TJ said...

Kotite.

Geoff said...

Yeah, I only knew Desmond had a good game because Essman texted me that he hit a HR against the Phils tonite.

By the way, does anyone have any clue when the Jay Leno Show premieres? NBC is kind of playing this one close to the vest...

Mark said...

I blame coke and valtrex.

TJ said...

I say Clemson gets it done here and we go to OT.

Mark said...

Heath Miller would be unbelievable. If he wasn't so damn slow.

TJ said...

And you know what Brett, fuck you pal. You fucked cried and bitched and moaned your way out of Grenn Bay and the Jets threw you a bone, a bone you fucking choked on at 9-3. No need to throw them under the bus almost a year later for letting your vindictive juvenile ass keep playing. Asshole.

Mark said...

I very rarely have faith in coaches with overly southern first names.

Mark said...

Hide the knives from TJ.

TJ said...

Clemson, no.

Geoff said...

"magical connection between these two guys"? I know what that's like...

TJ said...

Over/Under on the number of chicks Jeff Reed and Big Ben have ridden the train on, so to speak?

TJ said...

Heath Miller is also a huge pillow biter...cause he went to UVA.

They lost to William and Mary this week. Have you heard?

Geoff said...

Very psyched about having Willie Parker on my fantasy team.

Mark said...

Jesus. The steelers are fucking terrible in short yarddage.

Geoff said...

The guys at postgameheroes.com claim the Steelers offensive line is the worst line ever to win a super bowl...and they're Steelers' fans.

Geoff said...

Where once there was a yacht, now there is not!

TJ said...

I can't stop eating these Utz pretzels

Geoff said...

I can't get over the size of the Russian...

TJ said...

Shay with a Gage

Vanilla with a Nine

TJ said...

Much like Dickie V and Duke, is it tough for Collinswort to do this game with Ben's balls in his mouth?

Mark said...

He seems fine TJ. So why don't you lay off the pride of Astronaut High?

Geoff said...

Didn't see that coming.

TJ said...

Hines Ward, best fumbling WR in football.

Mark said...

Oh Hines.

TJ said...

Let's kick off the NFL season with a tie. Who's in?

TJ said...

Allrighty then...an excellent start to the season...

TJ said...

I tripped a blind guy at Metro Center this morning. Not a good start to my day. Or his.

TR said...

Sorry to miss out on the frivolity gents. I was on baby duty and watched the game at odd intervals all night. I watched the 4Q and OT at 3 AM while holding a fussy baby and feeling his spit-up/vomit slowly dry on my shoulder.

The announcing takeaways:

1) Michaels' hair is not HD ready.
2) Collinsworth needs to spend less time memorizing players' 40 yard dashes to two decimal places.
3) Andrea Kremer somehow looked better than she ever has in the past. I never ever thought she was remotely attractive, but she's done something to make her marginally cute for a woman her age. New hairdo? Colored contacts? Better makeup? I'm not saying she's making a run at Pam Oliver and her pedonka-donk, but she's going to set some middle-aged hearts aflutter this season.

Whitney said...

Andrea Kremer has extraordinarily buggy eyes. When I was in high school, my English teacher told me while we were studying The Canterbury Tales that when Chaucer referenced a character's bug eyes, it was well-known that it meant the person was a sex-starved nymphomaniac. She told me this while she looked at me with her bug eyes.

So, Andrea...

Whitney said...

And I, too, was sorry to miss the commentapalooza last night. I watched the games while losing at poker and winning at drinking.

TJ said...

Whit, you are a first ballot Hall of Famer at the Game of Drink.

Whitney said...

I've got the Friday noon dry-heaves to prove it.

Red Stripe tall-boys + Natty Light cans + whatever I ordered at the bar after poker finished up. Shouldn't be feeling this bad; no red wine, no Jamo, no shots. At least I'm pretty sure about that.

Geoff said...

Oddly enough, in my old age the only thing that gives me spectacular, unrecoverable hangovers is beer. I get heartburn so bad that I can't stand up without vomiting. On the other hand, if I drink scotch or red wine all night I either wake up feeling fine or with a mild headache.

TR said...

That's because scotch is a gift from the Gods.

Geoff said...

Indeed it is. I'm working on a bottle of Laphroig right now, which is thoroughly enjoyable. I'm realizing that I need to purchase a large bottle of low end scotch that I can rotate over to later in the evening when I can't tell the difference. Vat 69 seems like an obvious choice.

Whitney said...

Does Bowman's make a scotch?

Someday I will have to give scotch a true chance. I remember when I was 23 my dad gave me half a case of J&B and Dewar's that he had in his attic. Rob tried to teach himself to like scotch since we had the free booze and made it through four wince-inducing sips before bailing out. I never even attempted it. I think our taste buds are much weaker these days.

Jameson I can do on the rocks, but no thanks on the scotch. I was the asshole who went all the way to Edinburgh to drink (cheap) bourbon.

TR said...

I prefer to keep a handle of Johnny Black in the bar at all times. And as for the good stuff, I rarely/never hold back on it to "save it for a special occasion." As far as I'm concerned, every day I wake up is a special enough day to enjoy a tasty single malt. My favorite is Glenmorangie's Sherry Wood finish. At $60, it's cheap enough that you don't hesitate to pull the trigger.

Geoff said...

It took me a little while to get to where I enjoyed scotch, but now I enjoy it almost too much. I generally prefer Lagavulin or Laphroig, but am still making my way through some of the higher end stuff out there.

zoltan said...

You should go to your doctor and get a prescription for a proton pump inhibitor. Protonix, Prilosec, Aciphex, whatever. I hear TR likes Aciphex. Anyway, take it before drinking. No heartburn. $5 co-pay. Fantastic.

zoltan said...

But make sure the doctor gives you the right one for you. Especially if you're on another drug.

rob said...

i'm sticking with bourbon and irish. booker's is particularly tasty. it's jamo for the everyday. got one waiting for mark if he ever comes to deecee.

Mark said...

Oh I'm coming back to DC...one of these days.