Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Houston. Hello.

Spanning the globe to bring you...whatever it is we bring you:

Item: Greg Paulus is 1-2 as Syracuse's starting QB

It's fashionable in the snarkosphere to mock the former Duke point guard for his uberhonkiness and earnest floor-slapping rah rah mien. But who among you wouldn't trade a testicle, or at least a few toenails for a chance to play both Division I football and basketball? Paulus threw for 346 yards and 2 scores in leading the Orange over Northwestern last weekend, and while he won't ever be my favorite player, I can't help but admire his talent.

Item: Chipotle Burrito

The manifold causes of American's obesity are well documented. But for the love of God, Chipotle, how do you sleep at night? I just ordered a burrito that's almost literally the size of my head. If I ate the whole thing I'd gain at least 11 pounds, law of conservation of matter be damned. At long last, have you no decency?

Item: My New Favorite NFL Team

We're taking applications. The rules are: a) the team must not have made the playoffs in 2008 (to limit the bandwagoning options); b) the owner must not be an insufferable, fan-hating jerk (which unfortunately rules out the Saints, who look like a lot of fun); and, c) the team must not be the New England Patriots (see explanation for a) above).

Item: Women, Though Inattentive and Dangerous Behind the Wheel, Can Serve a Purpose in Society

Hi, honey! Happy almost Anniversary.

Item: Futile Superfan Update

Your William & Mary Tribe enters the weekend 3-0 and ranked #5 in Division IAA. Jimmye Laycock's boys open their conference schedule this week, hosting Delaware's Fighting Blue Hens under the lights in Williamsburg. W&M, who ripped the Hens, 27-3, in Newark last year, comes into the game with the country's 15th-ranked defense. That was not a typo. Should the Tribe prevail, their 4-0 start would the the school's best since 1994, aka Whitney's 7th year of college. With 4 CAA teams in the IAA Top 10 (none of them named Delaware), this is a crucial game for the Wrens.

Item: Russian Oligarch Wants to Buy the Nets, Move Them to Brooklyn

Because what we need is yet another easy angle for our sports media: Russia has mobsters with ties to sports gambling. So does New York. Presto, headline!


zoltan said...

Now that the Red Sox won multiple World Series, you have a gaping hole in your life where all that angst and depression used to be. So become a Bills fan! I'm loving it.

rob said...

this is a compelling argument. how do i reconcile ralph wilson?

TJ said...

robert, no sleep til brooklyn...

zoltan said...

Ralph Wilson isn't a bad guy, he's just old and senile so he hires lousy coaches. This in fact adds to the charm of the team. You KNOW he's going to hire the wrong guy for the job. Just like you know the team will blow the game on the final play.

But Wilson doesn't hate the fans. I don't think anyone despises him the way Bengals fans despise Mike Brown, or hates him the way Lions fans hate William Clay Ford.

Come on in rob, the water's great!

Shlara said...

Rob, you may want to revisit the "inattentive" comment about women drivers. I'm sure your wife, like most women, was multi-tasking, a job she probably does reguarly to keep everything running smoothly for the Rob/Samantha family. I would also guess that her superior multi-tasking skills enable you to spend more time with important matters like GTB posts. A dented muffler is a small price to pay for that....

rob said...

well, if you put it that way.

TJ said...

The choice of Greg Paulus (sp?) as 'Cuse QB is horrendous. This team suck humongous donkey balls. Why in god's name do you start the "5th (every 5th) Year" QB when you're going 3-10 have two (perhaps) decent freshman, play them. You already suck.

And why does South Carolina only play on Thursdays nights?

Dan said...

usc south, like vatech, use thursday night games to showcase their programs - recruit
they share tv time w/no one else, plus i'd imagine they get some nice cash out of the deal too