Shudder to Think

One of G:TB’s internet pals made an offhand comment several days ago about the Washington Redskins’ organizational difficulties, referring to the team’s management as the Snyder Administration. At that instant, my blood ran cold, and chills chased down my spine, as 8+ years of ineptitude, suffering, and negligence crystallized in one searingly clear insight: Dan Snyder and George W. Bush are the same guy.

Consider the following:

• Both Snyder and Bush ascended to their current positions not on merit, but basically because they both had pantsloads of money.
• Both Snyder and Bush were the beneficiaries of malfeasance during an initial selection process (Milstein is Gore is Finkel is Einhorn).
• Both Snyder and Bush lost the approval of the masses long ago, yet each clings to their post in almost mocking fashion.
• Both Snyder and Bush go to enormous lengths to control media access and religiously adhere to message discipline.
• Both Snyder and Bush have megalomaniacal tendencies.
• Both Snyder and Bush are embroiled in long, tedious, poorly planned campaigns marked by frequent claims of incremental success followed by even more frequent evidence of decline into chaos. See Redskins, Champions of the Offseason. See also, Redskins 23, Jets 20 followed by Eagles 33, Redskins 25. Finally, see also, Iraq, War in.
• Both Snyder and Bush have terrible environmental records. Snyder cut down 50,000 square feet of trees on federally protected land, while Bush gave Alaska to oil companies.
• Both Snyder and Bush have exhibited terrible judgment in initially hiring and then protecting loyalists in the face of overwhelming evidence of their incompetence. See Cerrato, Vinny, and Gonzalez, Alberto, among others. Brownie’s still doing a heckuva job somewhere.
• Both Snyder and Bush have turned once-proud entities into pale imitations of their former selves - laughingstocks to outsiders and embarrassing affronts to their most ardent supporters.
• Both Snyder and Bush deeply damaged the legacies of respected leaders (Joe Gibbs, Colin Powell, and George H.W. Bush).
• Snyder owns Redskins One. Bush thinks he owns Air Force One.
• Both Snyder and Bush have subordinates with questionable firearms safety habits. Redskins safety Sean Taylor pointed a handgun at a guy he suspected of stealing his ATV, while Vice President Dick Cheney blew some dude’s face off while grouse hunting. (Note: this item only applies if you actually believe that Cheney is Bush’s subordinate.)
• Both Snyder and Bush have spent profligately on highly questionable programs despite widespread advice to the contrary. See Lloyd, Brandon; Smith, Bruce; Sanders, Deion and Prescription Benefit, Medicaid.
• Both Snyder and Bush have soaked the little guy while cozying up to the wealthiest among us.
• Snyder’s father famously bought him an enormous Redskins belt buckle, while Bush wears enormous belt buckles to make people think he’s a cowboy.

Finally, and most depressingly, both Snyder and Bush think they’re right, and we’re stuck with both of them. And I hate 110-yard fields, so Canada’s just not an option. I need a drink.