He Writes the Songs the C.O.s Sing

I've never quite understood this obsession with "creative" sentences by judges. If people break the law, just fine them or send them to jail, whatever the statute dictates. Don't decide they need to clean billboards 100 feet above the highway or cross stitch Bea Arthur's mug on a hundred afghans. Isn't that why sentencing guidelines were created in the first place?

Well, no one listens to me, obviously. I've come across yet another judge who thinks he has just the right quirky punishment to fit the crime. Fort Lupton, Colorado Judge Paul Sacco is sentencing noise ordinance violators to listen to Barry Manilow music as punishment. Violators of the city's noise ordinance are sentenced to one-hour music "emersion sentences". I'll let the judge explain:

"When you have a person that's been playing rap let's say at extreme volumes all over the city and they have to sit down and they have to listen for an hour to Barry Manilow -- it's horrible punishment," Sacco said.

It's no secret I love me some Barry, so frankly I think the judge can piss off. But his Highness claims the punishment is working because there are very few repeat offenders. My guess is that has as much to do with the choice of music as it does the fact violators are not allowed to eat, drink or read during said "punishment", but what the hell do I know.

Judge Sacco, I hope you realize all you're doing is creating a Universal Soldier-esque breed of degenerate Maniloonies.