GTB's NFL Divisional Playoff Picks

Thank goodness for 4:30 games...and a work laptop that steals my neighbors' wireless...and of course YouTube, without which I could not get my Bronson Pinchot fix (spreads courtesy of covers.com).

Baltimore (-4) vs. Indianapolis:
"They're not saying Boo, they're saying Moovers." Actually Peyton, they're saying both today. And despite the fact that I am actually a Manning apologist and think he gets way too much blame for their playoff failings (yes, he deserves some blame, but take a look, it's not as atrocious as some may have you believe), I simply can't pick his Colts to win the game today. And frankly, that's a killer (no pun...fuck it, pun intended), because I hate Ray Lewis and hence hate the Ravens (like the fine fans below). Unfortunately for Peyton, there will be no ground game to help him, he's bound to get picked by Ed Reed at least once, and Steve McNair/Jamal Lewis are just healthy and competent enough to put 20+ points on the board. RAVENS.


New Orleans (-5) vs. Philadelphia:
Ah yes, do I pick based on the media story I am most excited to see, namely Jeff "Serge" Garcia leading the Eagles to the Super Bowl (failing to win of course), causing Mrs. McNabb to attempt a hit and run on him with the Chunky Soup promotional bus? Or do I make the pick the media is dying to see, namely the Saints making the Super Bowl, thus "saving" the city? Well, I'm taking the Saints in this one, but don't put me in the "football can save a city" camp. I was in NO not too long ago, and I don't care if Drew Brees and the Saints won the next 5 Super Bowls, that town is still a fucking mess. A well-rested, multi-dimensional Saints offense duplicates the regular season result, with a major hat tip to the most excited/emotional crowd of the weekend. At least Garcia made himself a ton of money in the last 2 months, and can pretend the Cleveland and Detroit stints never happened. SAINTS.


Chicago (-9.5) vs. Seattle:
I think we all know where I stand on this one (or at least what a gay I am for liking "Chicago the Musical"). Rex Grossman and the Bears have a cakewalk tomorrow afternoon, facing a Seahawks team that shouldn't even be in this game, save for Tony Romo and some slick balls (that reminds me, I'm really gonna miss Drew B's contributions on tonyhomo.com). I realize the Bears haven't won a home playoff game in 17 years, but that drought ends today, and there ain't nothing Hasselback or Alexander can do about it. Plus, I'm pretty sure the Seahawks D couldn't stop Balki and Cousin Larry at this point. BEARS.


San Diego (-5) vs. New England:
I realize it ALMOST seems insane to bet against Brady and Belichick in the playoffs, especially after their strong performance against a feisty Jets team last week, but that's the way I'm leaning. Factor in Marty and the "Rivers against a Belichick defense" variables, and this pick might make it seem like I'm already drinking, but I haven't cracked a cerveza yet. I simply think the Chargers D (sorry, no "juiced up" jokes from me) and LdT will overpower a suspect NE offensive line and average defense. And before you jump on me for questioning the Pats D, realize Chadwick and that Jets offense went up and down the field last week in NE, and the Chargers offense leaves the Jets' facedown in the gutter (but it's OK Marty, we still think your boy Brian did a good job with what he had). I don't know if this is the year Marty actually sheds the playoff choker label, but he's one game closer after this week. CHARGERS.