Mark, what have we told you about calling 9-1-1?

I think Michael Kruse of Jacksonville, FL is G:TB's "Human of the Week" for these stellar performances:

911 caller asks for police escort to rap concert

ST. JOHNS COUNTY, Fla. -- A 20-year-old man has been arrested for misusing 911 after asking police to escort him to a concert in Miami.

Deputies say Michael Kruse of Jacksonville initially called 911 because he felt sick on June 21.

The call went into the 911 call center in St. Johns County.
Kruse's speech was slurred and the dispatcher had difficulty understanding him.

Dispatch: "Are you sure you haven't taken something sir? Because you're not making a whole lot of sense."

Caller: "I've been smoking marijuana."

Dispatch: "You've been smoking marijuana?"

Caller: "Yes."

Dispatch: "Do you want a deputy to come and take you to jail?"

Caller: "Why?"

Dispatch: "You just told me on a taped line you just got done smoking marijuana."

Caller: "Awww. Are you serious?"

Sgt. Chuck Mulligan, spokesman with the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office, said deputies located Kruse, took him to a family member, and gave him a stern lecture about 911.

Hours later on June 22, Kruse called 911 again. This time he was driving on I-95. He told the dispatcher he wanted a police escort to see the rapper, Lil Wayne, in concert in Miami.

Dispatch: "You want a police escort to take you to Miami?"

Caller: "Or, you have a helicopter?"

Dispatch: "We don't just send helicopters up for rappers."

Caller: "Well, I'm driving there right now. I just wanted the fastest way to get there. I didn't want to get pulled over on the highway."

The dispatcher had Kruse pull off the interstate and deputies arrested him for misuse of 911.

America: Land of the Perm, Home of the Brave

I don't know about you clowns, but when I think of the greatness that is this country, I think of blond perms. And I don't mean the zeros around prety ladies' private parts (though they are great). I think of the great (and underrated) William Katt. You may remember him from his strong supporting role in Carrie. You may rememer him from his fantastic lead performance in the cult favorite Big Wednesday. But you definitely remember him from his claim to fame, the epic sci-fi comedic family action drama thriller, The Greatest American Hero.



The legacy left by William Katt can't be understated. Without his on-screen brilliance and follicular leadership, we probably wouldn't have been able to appreciate the subsequent fro-someness of these two guys...






















God Bless America.

Positively Patriotic

Three words:

America. Fuck Yeah.

Welcome to America Week at G:TB

What that means exactly is yet to be determined...but we'll start this one off slow and easy...to a place we've kinda sorta went before...classic rock shoot out here we come...with the plants and birds and rocks and things...

Picture Not Included

Naked ex-mayor arrested at campsite
Gainesville’s Musselwhite denies causing earlier trouble

By Alexis Stevens
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Friday, June 26, 2009

A former mayor found sitting naked and holding a beer at a Rabun County campsite told police he wasn’t the same naked man seen walking around earlier.

Mark Musselwhite, 43, said he was hot and had been in the creek, according to a Georgia Department of Natural Resources incident report. He apparently didn’t think he was doing anything wrong.

For the Ladies

In recognition of our recent tilt towards the lad magazine side of the bookstore, we offer a little eye candy for the ladies in the audience.

(Insipid Michael Jackson tribute forthcoming, in case you were wondering.)

R.I.P. Farrah

Farrah Fawcett passed away today. Though a large portion of the G:TB sphere of influence wasn't old enough to appreciate her in "Charlie's Angels" or the poster on the back of your bedroom door (see below), here's to one of the female icons of Rob's and my youth.

Because We're in the Sports Doldrums

U.S.A vs. Spain in the Confederations Cup semifinals at 2:30 today. Who you got?

My New Favorite Lefty

When I was 10, I pitched a perfect game for the Redstone Arsenal A's. Later, my sweeping, Barry Zito-esque curveball earned me a spot on the All-Star team in the North Arlington Wiffleball League, until Whitney learned to lean into it to stop it from reaching the beach chair/strike zone. And that's about the extent of my pitching career, stunted as it was by an unfeeling society's choice to value of the size of a hurler's frame as opposed to his heart.

Imagine my vicarious thrill, then, when the Cincinnati Reds recalled young lefty Daniel Ray Herrera, all 5'6" of him, a few weeks ago. No novelty act, Danny, as he's proceeded to record a 2.22 ERA in 28 1/3 innings, striking out 20 despite a modicum of wildness.

Our similarities don't end at size, I might add. As his obviously accurate wikipedia entry notes (and as little guys across the world nod in recognition): "He is a notorious ladies man, known for leaving women yearning in every city." Good for you, Danny.

Hall of Fame Self-Congratulation

I tuned into NBC.com's coverage of the U.S. Open just in time to hear Johnny Miller say of Tiger Woods, "Maybe he can shoot a Johnny Miller round." I'll give him credit - it's hard to pull off back-patting of that difficulty without straining something.

Untitled

Yeah, this is shamelessly obvious and lazy. Sue me.

A little help from the gallery

So, this discussion at lunch today should be opened to the crowd. Best non (or minimal) dialogue scene in a movie? Here's my vote:

Am I the Only One Thinking This?

I'm just saying...

Giving Back to the G:TB Community

G:TB superfan KQ weighs in this morning with a relevant and topical content suggestion. This is brilliant on a number of levels.

A Case of the Mondays

Here's hoping this picture makes Whit and Wheelhouse Jerry feel just a little bit better. Coincidentally, this is exactly my sentiment upon starting another work week:

(h/t to Surviving Grady)

Gheorghe Quotes the Classics: Vol. 5

As usual, wisdom:

"If me saying bullshit on television after midnight is going to push your little damn brat over the deep end, you're just a crappy parent." -- Charles Barkley

When you're right, you're right.

Courtesy of Sports Illustrated

We Are the Three Amigos

We are the three-hee ah-haaaaaaa-migos!

Why do I find this photo of Charlie Villanueva and Rudy Gay flanking Hasheem Thabeet so interesting? It's not that Rudy and Charlie are flashing conflicting signs. It's not Charlie dressing like he's about to tailgate for a Dave Matthews show. And it's not Rudy's enormous watch. It's Hasheem and his faux pimp shades. They're fantastic. Beyond fantastic, actually. He's like a cross between this guy from Commando and Predator and Billie Dee Williams. The over/under for children he bears out of wedlock by age 30 is currently at 3.5.

Yours Truly, Beer Troll Slurs

So I had a minute or two yesterday afternoon and stumbled upon one of the dumbest time-wasters imaginable. Obviously, I got sucked right in. Herewith, the results of plugging the G:TB staff into wordsmith.org's Internet Anagram Server:

Teejay: Had Motel Joys

Yes, he did. Unfortunately, he can't remember any of them.

Whitney: Teeny Whistler

Sad but true.

Also, for Whit: Three Style Win (randy!) and Sterile New Thy (um, not so randy)

Mark: Hark He Smug

This anagram thingy is pretty freaking smart.

TR (we had to go with his full given name): Hazy Tern Vomit

Or, the alternative, which the political geek in me enjoyed, Man Rove Thy Zit

(Note from TR: If you use my full first, middle and last names, you get the splendid metaphor for my high school years: Variant Homely Zit)

Just for fun, I looked up Friends of G:TB Shlara (Racer Goat) and KQ, who's happy not to be related to the old salt from Jaws (Nae Her Kin Quint).

But nothing compared to the piece de resitance, from Dennis: A Balding Sour
He had 26,807 results, but I stopped after getting Yahtzee with this one.

As Geoff just said to me

this pic nicely sums up the Nats season:

H/T - the Steinbog of course

Late addition - G:TB Play Along at Home Contest

What, pray tell, is Mr. Lerner doing in the photo below? Does he have in invisible Playstation PSP? Are his the world's smallest thumbs? Is he measuring Rob Dibble's head? Your guesses in the comments, please. Winner gets a copy of the new Kids in the Hall DVD, or Stan Kasten's nail clippings, whichever costs less.

Sometimes it's just way too easy

Man with crossbow arrested while picking psychedelic mushrooms

MANATEE COUNTY - A 19-year-old Manatee County man was arrested Friday after he was found in a cow pasture collecting psychedelic mushrooms while carrying a crossbow, the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office said.
Jeffery Moore and three others were spotted by a Manatee County Sheriff’s helicopter in a cow pasture in the 2400 block of 38th Avenue East. According to the sheriff’s report, Moore was seen lying face down in an attempt to conceal himself from the helicopter’s spotlight.

Moore was found holding a small crossbow and sling shot. He told deputies that the weapons were for protection in case the cows in the pasture came at him. Moore also told deputies that he was in the pasture collecting mushrooms for drug consumption.

Moore faces charges in the armed trespassing.

"He told deputies that the weapons were for protection in case the cows in the pasture came at him." Well, at least he came prepared.