He would've HATED Alexei Lalas

Yesterday a Japanese newspaper reported that North Korean despot/dictator/tyrant/all around grumpy pants Kim Jong-Il is indeed alive and well, despite rumors to the contrary, and he's feeling so well soccer is on the agenda. Uh oh...

North Korean leader Kim Jong Il bans long hair for men

BEIJING -- In his first reported appearance following news of his hospitalization, North Korean leader Kim Jong Il lost his temper while watching a college soccer match, denouncing several players' long hair as "disgusting," according to a source close to the North Korean government. The outburst was followed by a nationwide ban on long hair for men.

OK, wow, where do we start? Obviously, this seems like a perfectly natural reaction (for a lunatic). Climb out of death bed for fear-inducing appearance, realize soccer players like sporting long, flowy locks, and immediately get insulted to the core. Consequently ban long hair on all men in THE ENTIRE COUNTRY. Kim Jong Il, when keeping it real goes wrong.

The follicular clampdown is the first concrete report of Kim's behavior following his reported illness.

I don't know if this phrase came from the translation of the Japanese paper, but "follicular clampdown" is a fantastic term, and should definitely be used more often. You choose the context.

Kim was watching a special match between Kim Il-sung University -- his own alma mater, which was celebrating its 62nd anniversary -- and Pyongyang University of Railways. According to an insider, after realizing that several of the Kim Il-sung University players were sporting long hair, Kim declared it to "look disgusting," and said "I can't tell if this is men's soccer or women's soccer."

Throw out the records when KIU and PUR get together. And if North Korean women had the right to speak, I'm sure they would be appalled.

His mood grew steadily worse until the end of the first half, at which point he announced he would not be watching the rest of the match. Whether he was actually watching from the stadium or on television is unknown.

Shortly after the incident, a notice was posted in workplaces across the country banning long hair for men. Staff at Kim Il-sung University were witnessed carrying out particularly stringent checks.

How stringent does a test for long hair have to be really? I mean, what's the sneakiest move a long-haired North Korean has in the arsenal - hair under hat? Hair wrapped around mouth as fake beard? Even TSA employees could carry out these long hair checks.

Kim's viewing of the match, which was broadcast by the Korean Central News Agency on Oct. 4, is his first officially-reported activity since he was rumored to be suffering a major illness.

Power hungry authoritarian overlord in failing health who hates long hair? Hmmmmm, remind you of anyone?

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

If Shane doesn't make you smile just a little, well, you're probably in the wrong place.

Leroy Hill will damage your brain

Not only did the hit below knock Bucs WR Ike Hilliard (seriously, this guy's still in the league?) out of the game, but it also knocked out Seattle LB Lofa Tatupu (fantastic name) with a concussion. Bad Bad, Leroy...Hill:

Adding insult to injury: Seattle challenged the play and won the review, with officials ruling that Hilliard caught the ball and fumbled it, allowing Seattle to take possession of the ball.

Fashion is dumb...wait, what's this?

It's pays to have readers who look out for us...here's the first reader submission for the *cough* wildly popular "Fashion is dumb" segment. I must say I find this new trend more intriguing than dumb. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's this model's ass...who's to say really.

"No pants is the new skinny jean"

G:TB's Week 7 NFL Picks - Rut Ro, Raggy

Tennessee @ Kansas City (+8)

Brodie Croyle is the quintessential Alabama quarterback - white, floppy-haired, dating a cheerleader, moderately talented, completely incapable of carrying a team. And as much as I love Brodie Croyle, he's as unqualified to be an NFL starting quarterback as Sarah Palin is to be President. Much like Jay Barker before him and John Parker Wilson over the next 3-4 years, Croyle is nothing so much as the NFL QB equivalent of a fair catch. By starting Croyle, the Chiefs are giving up. They're focusing on not getting anyone injured, and living the 'discretion is the better part of valor' credo until they can draft a real signal-caller next Spring. Tennessee wins this game by a lot more than 8.

Detroit @ Houston (-8.5)
The Detroit Lions are Washington Nationals awful. There’s really no need to have a write up about this game, but, if you must… Detroit is 2nd to last in the NFL in both Rushing and Passing defense. They are starting a minor league hockey player named Dan Orlovsky at QB whose rating sits firmly at 59.6 through 4 games (and was seen gloriously running out of the back of the endzone during a scramble last week like he had no idea what the white lines meant around the field). And the team just traded their best offensive weapon on Tuesday (who they mysteriously stopped using over the past 2 years). This will be ugly…Houston 31, Lions 6.

Jets (-3) at Oakland
Much has been said about the sad state of Al Davis’ 2008 Oakland Raiders. Most of it is negative. And some of it is true. The owner is morphing into the host of Tales from the Crypt, the interim coach is a loser, the QB is fat, the defensive coordinator looks like an extra in Sons of Anarchy, the kicker is a date rapist, etc. On the field, the team has performed poorly, still waiting for its two young offensive prospects to get it going on the field. Unfortunately, this isn’t the week that McFadden and Russell will get their groove back. They will struggle against a surprisingly stout Jets defense that plays well against the run (giving up 69 yards per game on the ground - clicks) and gets at the quarterback (18 sacks in 5 games). Look for the Jets D to pressure Russell into a couple bad picks this week. G:TB predicts that Jets safety Kerry Rhodes will get his first INT of the year this week as he snares an errant 50 yard bomb that Russell uncorks. Oakland will show why they’ve only scored 81 points in five games this year.

The match-up between the Jets offense and the Raiders defense also tilts in New York’s favor. Oakland has given up at least 24 points in each of their four losses, though it came against some formidable foes (SD, Denver, New Orleans, Buffalo). And they’ve given up an average of 130 yards on the ground in those games. The Jets new and improved blocking contingent, bolstered by Alan Faneca and Tony Richardson, should be able to create openings for Thomas Jones and Leon Washington.

The recipe for Jets success is to be balanced enough that their 83 year old QB doesn’t have to break a hip trying to make plays. After an ugly win last week over Cincy last week, the Jets will be focused and ready to feast on the underbelly of their schedule (home against Cincy, at Oakland, home against KC, at Buffalo, home against St. Louis). The Jets will score enough and defend enough to walk away unscathed. Prediction: Jets cover, winning 23-14.

Seattle @ Tampa Bay (-10.5)
The easiest money in the NFL is right here. Not in the actual game mind you, but in betting that the folks at NBC will show us an old team photo of the Packers featuring Jon Gruden and Mike Holgrem as Al Michaels discusses how much respect these two coaches have for one another. I swear to god, if I lived in Vegas I'd put my entire 401K on it. Unfortunately (or fortunately if you're my septum) I don't live in Vegas so I'll have to find some other ways to make that extra cash we all so desperately need right now. In somewhat related news, John Madden won't be broadcasting this game as he says he's too worn out and needs a week off from, you know, sitting on a luxury bus, eating Bloomin' Onions and working for 5 hours a week. While this story certainly passes the smell test, I have it on good authority that Madden's not coming to Tampa because he curb stomped a stripper at Mons last time he was in town because Monte Kiffin dared him too. Monte's a bit of a sadist you see. Everybody always wonders why he's never approached for a head coaching job. Well, that's easy. He has a trunk full of dead hookers (and Shaun King...don't ask) buried in his backyard. Its a massive cover up and people all over Tampa are in on it but, honestly, things much worse than this happen in Tampa on a weekly basis (Don't believe me? Have TJ send you some of the articles he sends me each week). Anyway, as for this game, I'm a bit weary about taking the Bucs when they're giving up so many points but its a rare home night game and Seneca Wallace is starting for the first time since he teamed with Hiawatha Jones (seriously) in the backfield at Iowa State. Tampa's going to score at least one defensive touchdown and Jeff Garcia will be just efficient enough to score another TD or two. Frankly, I'd be surprised if the Seahawks break double digits. Take the Bucs.

Welcome to the Bummingdome

I'm stuck in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle of bummingness, a place I haven't visited much since I've become a father. This magical place can only be visited by following these three steps:

1) Catch a brutal cold and try to ignore it.

2) Ensure sleep deprivation all week (enhancing the effects of Step 1).

3) Gorge on processed pork and rich beer at a German restaurant on a Thursday night.

By Friday, you will understand the Bermuda Triangle and be a runny-nosed, feverish mess like me. I'm a quart deep on coffee at 9:30 AM. My first urine of the day was neon yellow, and I'm all tweaked out. Other than that I'm perfect.

I think I ate 69 mini pieces of bratwurst, weisswurst and potato pancakes last night. They were passed around on a tray by authentic German waitresses. The outfits of one of the authentic German waitresses made the restaurant experience a million times better. The husky, busty German woman had her curvy figure (and enormous bosoms) stuffed into a traditional German dress. There was cleavage spilling everywhere. It was tremendous. After my second giant mug, I was absolutely smitten. After my fourth giant mug, I was ready to tell her I loved her. After my fifth giant mug...I crawled home, unfurling noxious pork farts the likes of which haven't been smelled since...the last time I ate a lot of German sausage. Nobody won.

What made the night better (and this morning worse) was the discovery of two taps in a corner of the restaurant. I could fetch all the Spaten Oktoberfest beer I wanted without having to go to the bar. It was awesome. And costly.

I feel old and bloated right now. I will count the hours until I can retreat home.

Someone help me out here

I realize this isn't the absolute worst rap song of all time, but this has to be Top 5, right? I embedded this extended video version just so everyone can have a chuckle at the opening exchange...Michael Vick jokes are hilarious:

G:TB Song of the...Time Period

Jenny Lewis has a new record out. You know how we feel about Jenny Lewis.

Linky Housekeeping, Futile Superfan Style

G:TB notes with some relief and a great deal of pleasure that Friend of G:TB Michael Litos is back to active blogger status at his new hoops-focused blog Regarding the Underdog. MGL is both the only published author we know (other than our friend Jay, who wrote an underrated and undersold guide to the trails of Maine's Acacia National Park, and, we suppose, technically Whitney and I wrote a book on the 2004 baseball season, but there's only one copy and it's in my bathroom) and a passionate observer of CAA Hoops, so we're doubly in the tank for him. His old blog (CAA: Life as a Mid-Major) was a must-read for the futile superfans among us - we're psyched to see that he's back.

Celebratin' the Flyin' Hawaiian

Despite having no love for the city of Philadelphia and any of its sports teams, I do quite enjoy the play of Phillies OF Shane Victorino. And given his NLCS-turning two run homer off Dodgers P Cory Wade last night (the first homer given up by Wade since August 28th), I wanted to show him some love. Maestro, the YouTube clip please:

Happy Columbus Day

A lot of people have today off. Sadly, I am not one of those people. So, you get a video this morning in honor of Cristoforo Colombo, Italian colonizer, explorer and generally clueless navigator. Chris, thanks for finding The Americas five hundred years after Leif Ericson.

G:TB's Week 6 NFL Picks

Yeah, there's only three picks here...for now. There will be five before kickoff tomorrow (I think)...

Baltimore @ Indianapolis (+4)

I'm a lousy gambler. There's a reason I don't bet my own money on NFL games - I've demonstrated a profound ability to lose it faster than a Lehman Brothers broker on a derivatives bender. Part of the reason for this phenomenon, if not all of it, is my propensity for making picks on instinct rather than any thought whatsoever. In fact, this is actually in very close keeping with the manner in which I live my life. Instinct trumps preparation as a rule. So far, so good.

The purpose of this ramble, then, is to preface my preference for the Colts. I like Indy for two reasons (three, if you count pure gut feel): a) to paraphrase a paraphrase of Mark Twain's famously bastardized quote, the rumors of the Colts' demise have been greatly exaggerated - even as their line play has been terrible on both sides of the ball, they've still managed to break even on the season. I think they're due a breakout game, and b) Joe Flacco. We're talkin' 'bout Joe Flacco. Joe Flacco, man. Joe Flacco. Not Peyton Manning. Not Peyton Manning. Joe Flacco.

Oakland @ New Orleans (-7.5)
There isn't a legitimate coach in North America that would touch the Oakland job - I mean they probably couldn't convince Ty Willingham to take the gig (Hold it. I said legitimate coach didn't I? Nevermind). The Raiders will struggle mightily until they have an owner that can put together a group that actually cares about winning together. So, I'd say they have another 6 to 9 more years until Al Davis croaks and they can rebuild anew. In the meantime, they'll lack the leadership it takes to win in the NFL and keep losing along the way. This just isn't the time to run into a talented team at home coming off back to back dominating performances on the road..think about what it might be like if Peter North got paired up with a young starlet the day after coming home from to find his wife in flagrante delicto with a co-star.

Sai...Hold on. What's that noise? No. It can't be. It can't be. That...that's Zornstar's music. Redskins (-13.5) over the Rams by 2 touchdowns, 2 field goals and one giant bukakke....

Carolina (+1.5) @ Tampa Bay
You know whats I dont like about the MLB playoffs this year? No Ozzie Gullien. Sure, that guy's a dick and and complete nutjob, but its the fun kind of nutjob. You're never quite sure whether he's going to call a closeted writer gay (He'd have a field day with the Wheelhosers) or headbutt his closer as he takes the mound to close out a game. It's a good kind of crazy. Contrast that with Jon Gruden's kind of crazy and you begin to see the difference. Gruden's a micro-manager who completely over thinks just about any situation his team is involved in. For example: During the Bucs-Packers game a couple weeks ago I was talking to one of my old roomates and he asked me what I thought the Bucs would do on 3rd and goal from the 3 yard line. I replied that I wasn't sure of the playcall but I was sure that two tight ends would be involved and at least two men would be put in motion prior to the snap. Well, guess what happened? The Bucs came out with a WR split right and a tight end over the right tackle with another tight end over the left tackle. Once the Bucs got set, the WR moved in motion to the left and split out wide which was followed by the tight end on the left splitting out into the slot next to the WR, which was followed by the tight end from the right moving to the left and setting up over the left tackle. Once all these things had taken place, the Bucs ran a HB dive with Warrick Dunn (who's not their power back...I swear to god, Earnest Graham must have knocked up Gruden's wife, 10 fucking carries in Denver last week? Seriously Gruden...fuck off.) who ended up gaining a yard. Seriously...is all, hell, is any of that necessary for a HB dive? Watching the Gruden version of the West Coast offense is going to drive me back to meth one of these days.

Of course, Carolina doesn't do any of this shit. They just line up and beat you with their playmakers (Which is part of the problem I guess, the Bucs lack playmakers in a major way. During the Packer game the same old roommate and I tried to determine who the Bucs would use in their version of the Wildcat offense. We drew a blank. Honestly, try and find 3 guys on that offense who are dynamic enough to be involved in that type of offense...not gonna happen). As long as Steve Smith isn't on my fantasy team he's a beast, Muhsin Muhammad is rejuvenated and the Williams-Stewart combo is probably the leagues' best young tailback tandem. I can't figure out why the Bucs are favored here, but I do know its far too late in the afternoon for me to be this sober on my birthday so I might as well wrap this up. Take the points, and take the Panthers.

Why does 31 feel so much older than 30?

For those of you that don't know, I'm turned 31 today. As luck would have it my birthday always falls within a few days of the annual Florida-LSU football game. A game that has become increasingly important nationally in recent years. When I was a student at UF, the Gators usually dominated LSU, and then as Saban brought the Tigers back to prominence and Towlie (aka Zook) did his best to destroy Florida's program one heartbreaking loss at a time the pendulum swung the other way. However, in recent years this game has become one of the highlights of the SEC schedule. A inter-division battle that takes place every single year (each SEC team only plays one opposite division opponent each and every year with the other two games rotating every two years) between two of the conference's highest profile programs. In terms of hype and talent level, you can't ask for much more than this game provides. Plus, there really no conference that can compare to the SEC...dont' believe me? Name another conference where they fire offensive coordinators 5 games into their career. The fact that this year's game features each of the last two National Champions only serves to increase the level of anticipation amongst college football fans.

So when it came time to decide what I wanted to do for my birthday, well, it wasn't a very hard decision. Let's go to Gainesville, lets get blind drunk for a few days and lets hope Florida can beat LSU in the Swamp. This game being a night game in the Swamp is just icing on the cake. There is nothing, nothing that I enjoy more than big games in the Swamp at night. The atmosphere is electric, the air is crisp and, more often than not, the games are unreal.

Of course, this year's game has taken on even more importance after Florida's loss to Ole Miss a couple of weeks ago. In order to keep pace in the SEC East, Florida must win on Saturday. At this point, Florida stills controls its own destiny in the conference title chase. However, a loss to LSU would leave Florida in a position of having to win out and hope that teams like UGA and Vandy (I know, I can't believe I just typed that either) take another loss. Simply put, Florida's season is on the line. Not only that but Florida's season is on the line against a team whose biggest strength (D-Line) happens to line up against what, up until now, has been Florida's biggest weakness (O-Line, specifically the interior).

Florida's has had trouble keeping Miami and Ole Miss' defenses out of its backfield thus far this season and neither of those defenses come close to matching the talent level or depth of LSU. On top of that, Florida will be starting a 3rd string guard (who's really a tackle) this weekend in Carl Johnson. If you were Ricky Jean-Francois and you knew all this, wouldn't you be talking a little smack too? As often is the case in tightly contested SEC games, this game will come down to the trenches. Can Florida give Tebow enough time to run the zone read, as well as find men downfield in the passing game? Can the Gator defense stop Charles Scott and the rest of the LSU tailbacks from running wild and force freshman QB Jarrett Lee into obvious passing situations? Finally, can the Gators grind out the tough inside yardage that has been harder to come by this year than any year since Tebow stepped on campus?

To be perfectly honest, I have my doubts. LSU is a tough team to try and "get right" against any year, but especially this year with the talent they possess along the D-Line and at the offensive skill positions (Demetrius Byrd is the most underrated WR in the SEC, possibly the country) this year. However, Florida's back is against the wall and they'll be playing at home in front of a packed house at 8 pm. Nothing is out of the realm of possibility here. This game could define this season and, to a degree, Tebow's legacy as a Florida QB (The Heisman is great but he needs to win a SEC Championship to truly cement his legacy in this program) or it could end up exposing Florida as a flawed team who will lose 3-4 games this year. I dont have a damn clue which way this will go. I'm just glad I'll be there in person to find out.

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday to me. I may be old, short and bald but at least I'm not as old as Whitney or as short as Rob.

Best I Could Do

I looked diligently this morning for something to take our minds off the impending implosion of our way of life. I think this is about as far afield from financial woes as is humanly possible to achieve without hallucinogens.

This Day in Monkees History


On this day in 1964, Peter Tork makes his television debut today as a sideman with the Phoenix Singers who perform three songs ("Run Come See," "Song Of The Land" and "Glory Glory") on the Canadian folk program Let's Sing Out. Not long after this broadcast, the group will perform a fundraising show in Denver for the LBJ presidential campaign. Following this gig, Tork has a falling-out with the group and is subsequently asked to leave.On this day in 1966, the NBC television network airs episode #5 of The Monkees series, "The Spy Who Came In From The Cool."

Off-Day Chatter

It's common knowledge that there are only two days in the calendar year in which none of the four major sports has a game on the schedule: the day before and the day after baseball's All-Star Game. On those two days/nights surrounding the Midsummer Classic, it's nearly impossible to watch live sports of any consequence. But the lull is just a pair of days in the middle of the summer. No big deal.

Alas, this "knowledge" proved fallible over the past two nights. Nary a sporting event from the Big 4, nor from the Lesser 12 (you can figure out which those are yourself). Tough times for the sports addict.

ESPN has no idea how to handle this dearth of results. Observe ESPN.com's "news" this morning:

The big story: a(nother) preview of the ALCS/NLCS, fleshed out with Manny Ramirez being insulted by a guy who played big league ball during the Eisenhower Administration (not a joke) and some ankle-deep insight by Rob Neyer that is wholly surpassed by Rob & Nick at MLC. (Meanwhile, TJ and I will be spending more of our October over here at G:TB, of course.)

The other breaking news, in full:

* Police: Cowboys' Pacman in fight at hotel
* Dice-K, Shields will start in ALCS Game 1
* Man indicted in killing of Broncos' Williams
* McCarver: Manny's Boston act 'despicable'
* Report: Pats' Brady has left knee surgery
* Sputtering Auburn fires coordinator Franklin
* 'Embarrassed' McNabb assails Eagles' play
* Source: Cowboys' Newman out with sports hernia
* OJ rents Season 1 DVD's of 'Prison Break'
* Colts' Harrison faces 100K suit over Philly shooting
* Holyfield, 45, on brink of world-title shot at Valuev

In a nutshell: over the last 48 hours, some people did some talking, some things happened in a courtroom, some people didn't play sports because they're hurt, some people went to the doctor, some more people did some more talking, some people didn't like all the talking and got in a fight about it, and a guy who boxed at the same Olympics where Zola Budd tripped Mary Decker and Mary Lou Retton captured the world's heart with her gymnastic perfection and her winsome smile (also not a joke . . . that smile was a real heart-melter, I tell you) is going to fight again.

Please, people, bring back your games, your competitions, your contests, your feats of skill and strength, your thrills of victory, your agonies of defeat, your silly, knees-bent, running-about, advancing behavior. If only so ESPN.com doesn't look so much like Page 6.

Play ball. Gentlemen, start your engines. Let's get ready to rumble. Game on.

The Right Stuff

While we all eagerly await Teejay's New Kids on the Block concert review, the G:TB editorial staff wants to make sure our readers are prepared to properly celebrate. Thanks to the always-helpful folks at WikiHow, a few tips on properly breaking it down:

How to Do the 6 Step (Breakdancing)

1. From a pushup position, extend right leg under left. Lean on the outside of your right shoe. Take your left hand off the floor.
2. Put your right leg over your left leg (around your left knee).
3. Go into the crab position. Bring your right leg out from behind your left leg. Plant your right foot down next to your left foot (shoulder width apart). Put your left hand on the floor behind you.
4. Bring your left leg behind your right leg (around your left knee). Lean on the outside of your left shoe. Lift your right hand up.
5. Move your right leg behind you.
6. Extend your left leg back and put your right hand down, going into a pushup position again.
   
   Variation:
   
   Do everything as above except that instead of going into the crab position, put only your right hand on the floor behind you (not both). When you go to the next step, you quickly switch your hands (lift your right hand off the floor, put your left hand down as you're moving your legs).

The helpful WikiHowers would also note that proper stretching is critical to the success of this move.

I guarantee one of you knows how to do this. My money's on Zoltan.

Whitneypedia / G:TB Artist of the... Time Period

From time to time we at Gheorghe: The Blog and Music Authority receive inquiries asking, "What's that song . . . ?" Occasionally you aren't just singing Replacements lyrics, you're actually posing a question. More and more these days, you want to know what song is the backdrop to television commercials, because, frankly, there's more and more cash money being dished out by companies to acquire good songs for their ads.

The argument as to whether this practice is "selling out" by musicians is a rather circular and pointless one, and that's not what we're here today to discuss. Instead, we choose to focus on one artist who is currently defying all conventional wisdom and maintaining her cool street cred while ostensibly being just this side of Wayne Newton in terms of commercializing herself.

Her name is Cat Power. Actually, that's not true, her given name is Charlyn Marshall, and she's known to friends and family as Chan Marshall, but her stage name is Cat Power. Fairly uncommon are the rabid fans of both major league baseball and indie rock, but those of you straddling both categories have undoubtedly thought of Cat Power just about every time Cubs pitcher (and former VCU standout) Sean Marshall was mentioned during a telecast. (Alas, that's not happening much these days with the Cubbies bowing out gracelessly.) Oh, and I recently read that Sean Marshall's nickname in some circles is "Coolcat." Coincidence? . . . Yep.

But I digress. I've been a fan of Ms. Marshall's for a handful of years, mostly because her sultry voice matches her slender physique in fetching sexiness. I caught her at the 9:30 Club a few years ago, and though her stage act wasn't quite as sonically sharp as her studio work, she's well worth watching. If you want a quick sampler of her work, try the songs "He War," "The Greatest," "Love & Communication," "Cross Bones Style," or "I Don't Blame You." (And most of her work is available via eMusic, for those who utilize that.)

Cat Power has also become the queen of the covers. She released a covers record in 2000 called . . . well, The Covers Record. (Check out "Sea of Love" or "Satisfaction.") In January of this year she did another one entitled Jukebox. ("New York" is a nice rendition.) A third -- an EP, actually -- is coming out in December; it's reported she covers The Pogues, which can't be a bad thing. Clearly putting her own spin on old tunes is becoming her thing.

Now, much has been written (by me) already about cover songs and how they can either be executed deftly or bungled. For the most part, Chan Marshall's work in this area is inventive and new, and for that, she's commended and the tunes are recommended. Still, leaning too much on other people's work is risky business: you could be the next Elvis, or you could be the next latter-day UB40. (To sample UB40 when they were a brilliant young reggae act with something to say and not a tired cover band, try "Food for Thought" or "Tyler".)

Even more dangerous, Ms. Marshall has begun covering parts of songs for :30 spots on TV. Have a listen to her work for

DeBeers (covering Cat Stevens):

Cingular (covering Blondie's cover of The Nerves):

Lincoln (covering Bowie):

Throughout it all, I'd say Cat Power acquits herself fairly well in each instance. In fact, I wouldn't mind getting ahold of the full tracks in each case . . . except that they don't exist. She only bothered to record the thirtysecond snippet. Damn her efficiency.

At any rate, now you know the woman behind the voice behind those commercials. And the next time one comes on the tube, you'll tell a friend, yeah, that's Cat Power. And they'll say, "What, like the diesel engines?"

Fashion is dumb...continued

A model wears a creation by French fashion designer Pierre Cardin during the presentation of his entire Spring-Summer 2009 and Autumn-Winter 2009 collections at his villa in Theoule sur Mer, southern France, Monday, Oct. 6, 2008.

Why didn't someone tell me the blueberry quesadilla Starter jacket was back in style?

Hey Alanis, THIS is Irony (I think)

I was going to leave it alone, really I was. I mean, how much prime real estate should I honestly waste in G:TB-land on this guy. But then I saw this, and just had to say something:

"O.J. Simpson was so confident that he was going to beat the rap again that he had an acquittal party planned, it was learned.

Simpson associate Thomas Riccio, after an in-studio interview Friday with radio talk-show host Anthony Crivello and retired Las Vegas police detective Phil Ramos, invited them to join O.J.'s entourage at an undisclosed location.

Honestly, the arrogance never ceases to amaze me. Then again, after the fucking shit he got away with last time, why would he feel the need to worry? Luckily for Rollie Goldman and all the Orenthal Haters out there (you know who you are), Karma and Irony teamed up for an all-time classic duet Friday night. But first, a leap back in time...

October 3, 1995 - Orenthal James Simpson is acquitted of beheading his ex-wife and her waiter "friend" Ron Goldman.

October 3, 2008 - Orenthal James Simpson, thirteen years to the day after making a mockery of the judicial system, is convicted of 12 charges (including conspiracy to commit a crime, robbery, assault and kidnapping with a deadly weapon) for his role in the worst planned heist ever. The Apple Dumpling Gang had more success robbing folks.


Oh, why the sad face O.J.? Goodbye for now Juice...but come December 5th, I'll be tuned in to see if you get life, you miserable sack of shit. Good luck in isolation the next two months...and don't drop the soap.

Return of the Ceai

From the Department of the Blinding Fucking Obvious, courtesy of The Atlantic Monthly:

How do you like your booze: to stay or to go? Whether residents of a given neighborhood prefer patronizing bars or liquor stores to get smashed has a
significant impact on patterns of violent crime and disorderly conduct, a study
by the Urban Institute finds. The researchers mapped 1,473 alcohol-selling
establishments in the District of Columbia, and then tracked the
relationship between the type of outlet and “violence and disorder,” using
measures like arrests and 911 calls. Not surprisingly, the more establishments
selling spirits in a neighborhood, the more general mayhem occurs. But
neighborhoods with a lot of outlets offering liquor to go (like corner stores)
tend to experience more domestic violence, while neighborhoods with a high
number of sites that let customers drink on the premises (like bars and
restaurants) tend to have many more reports of aggravated assault. Although pubs
are “attractors of violence” generally, the study shows that bar districts see
considerably fewer reports of domestic violence, suggesting that drinkers may be
taking their anger out on the loudmouth on the next bar stool—rather than in the
home.

But in Teejay and Mark's neighborhoods, merchants report significant increase in Funyun and Taco Bell sales on weekends. And weekdays.