Sunday, October 12, 2014

Brain Smasher.....A Love Story

In 1993, Andrew Dice Clay and Teri Hatcher starred in a very forgettable piece of American cinema entitled, Brain Smasher.....A Love Story.  Typical story of bar bouncer (the Brain Smasher played by ADC) meets fashion model (Teri Hatcher), Brain Smasher and model get attacked by Chinese monks, model loses Brain Smasher, model gets Brain Smasher back and they fall in love.  You know the drill. Despite knowing what's best for her, Teri Hatcher can't help but fall in love with the rough and tumble charms of the Brain Smasher.

By now, you are undoubtedly saying, "Marls, why are you bringing up any Andrew Dice Clay films other the TR favorite "Casual Sex" or "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane?"  Partially, it's because I celebrate the entire cannon of Mr. Clay's work, except for that "Blue Jasmine" crap.  But mainly it's because the title relates well to my current feelings about the NFL.

On Friday, the paper of record (the New York Times, not the Daily Press - sorry FOGTB Dave Fairbank) published an op-ed piece by Eric Kester entitled What I saw as an N.F.L Ball Boy.  Kester is an author and 2008 graduate of Harvard who spent time on the Crimson football team, though he appears not to have lettered for them.  More importantly, in 2003 Kester was a ball boy for the Chicago Bears.  That was 10 years ago, and the NFL will undoubtedly say that they have made the game safer since then, but one can't help but be troubled by a view into the world that we all know exists but don't want to think about while downing wings and crushing cold beers.  As Kester says:
As fans high-fived and hell-yeahed and checked the progress of their fantasy teams, and as I eagerly scrambled onto the field to pick up shattered fragments from exploded helmets, researchers were discovering the rotting black splotches of brain tissue that indicate chronic traumatic encephalopathy. Known as C.T.E., this degenerative disease is the result of players’ enduring head trauma again and again. Symptoms include dementia and extreme aggression, and C.T.E. is considered at least partly responsible for the string of recent suicides of former and current N.F.L. players, whose anger, sadness and violence eventually collapsed inward.
After reading that, even a crisp pint of Pliny the Elder does not quite taste as good.

Kester's op-ed piece is written as a defense of the good things about football while advocating for change to ensure that football can continue.  However, after reading it, I can't help but be moved closer to this blog's prediction of a rugby ascendancy.  That said, as I am writing this, I am getting ready to turn on today's slate of NFL games.

In the end, we the fans are all Teri Hatcher, minus the copious amounts of plastic surgery.  We have fallen in love with a brain smasher and can't give it up.  Only, in our case, the brain smasher is real and we pay good money night after night, weekend after weekend, in support of the spectacle of a modern day gladiator tournament with each player willing to put their bodies, minds and long term health in jeopardy for fleeting money and fame.  All of this is fueled by us, the fans, who are all too willing to rise up in righteous outrage at the transgressions of players or management, but only as long as it doesn't get in the way of our enjoyment on Sunday.

None of this is new or groundbreaking information.  Nor am I saying that I'm going to stop watching.  I guess I'm just admitting that I'm in love with a the brain smasher even though I know that on some level it's wrong and makes me feel like I need to take a shower.

Just to lighten the mood, I leave you with a clip of Ed O'Neil in Ford Fairlane performing the Disco Express classic "Booty Time."

22 comments:

zman said...

Ford Fairlane is my shit. "They killed the fuckin koala?!?" Surprising number of orange jerseys at the meadowlands today.

Marls said...

Lots of orange in Miami too. They are empty seats.

Mark said...

Tampa Bay broke out creamsicle orange socks today. The team on the field is playing like the Bucs team who wore the creamsicle orange jerseys.

mr kq said...

This may not help support Rob's theory:
http://tinyurl.com/kn25aux

Thankfully it's a thug from rugby league not union.

T.J. said...

Booty Time, Booty Time, 'cross the U-S-A...

Marls said...

Redskins have not shit the bed yet. Color me surprised.

zman said...

Peyton manning is soooo impressive. Sounds obvious but watching him do his dizzle in person is remarkable. He puts the ball in stupidly small windows.

Shlara said...

Marls--I was moved by that article too. And read another piece the same day that basically said there's been no change in the NFL bottom line (TV ratings, merch sales, game tix, etc) since the concussion info has been front & center and the Rice/Peterson stories came out.

Americans like their gladiators....

zman said...

Words with friends accepts "bung" as a word!

Marls said...

Turds with friends.

TR said...

Teej stole my line. That was Ed O'Neill's opus.

Marls said...

Maybe I should give up watching the NFL. This Giants game is giving me the excuse I need.

rootsminer said...

Nice piece, Marls. Especially nice job of making it seem unappealing with a banal movie synopsis, then delivering something insightful.

I can get plenty of NFL action without cable, but may end up ODU-Utep as the only college game option on a Saturday night.

And check out the moustache on Al Bundy!

rob said...

drew brees' brother and his girlfriend were on the same wine tour as my wife and i this afternoon. cool kids, though he was pretty bummed at the end of the day when people figured out his identity.

mayhugh said...

I'm fairly relieved that it looks like RGIII will be welcomed back as the starting QB.

And for the love of God, Brandon Meriweather needs to learn how to wrap up when he tackles before he kills himself.

Danimal said...

0-6 in the picks this past Saturday. that was a first. we did it!

TR said...

Simbo's suspension ends today. Who else is excited to see how things turn out?

Marls said...

I think Simbo is on the rack until Wednesday.

zman said...

Mark's on Instagram!

http://instagram.com/og_pollard

TR said...

If my scotch-addled brain is correct, Casual Sex featured one of the odder nude scenes from the 80's - Victoria Jackson's bare ass on a beach chair.

Marls said...

I believe you also get Lea Thompson butt in that scene.

rob said...

lea thompson. sigh.