Sunday, March 02, 2014

Man's Best Friend

As most of you know, I'm training for the 2014 Yuengling Shamrock Marathon (and hoping that someone else brings beer to the after-party), which goes off two weeks from today. Among other things, this means I've been logging serious miles in generally polar temperatures. I don't think I've run in less than three layers during the entire 10-week training program.

And as all of you know, at least the menfolk, cold weather has deleterious effects on one's member. As the body seeks to conserve heat in the core, bloodflow to extremities is restricted. I wear gloves to protect my fragile, circulatorily-compromised fingers. But I was unaware of a similar remedy for my man region.

Until now, that is.

Gentlemen, and the ladies that love us, I give you the ThermaJock. I'll allow the good people from the company to describe it: "Our technologically advanced Polartec® Thermal Pro material helps to prevent pain and frostbite while providing comfort and warmth to every man's most sensitive area."

Comfort and warmth are good. Pain and frostbite, bad. God bless you, ThermaJock.

I've ordered one for each of you. Wear them with honor.

44 comments:

zman said...

So they come in children's sizes then?

zman said...

I'm all in on True Detective, albeit a bit late. I was hooked after one episode and it keeps getting better. It's like a gritty Twin Peaks without the weird gimmicks.

T.J. said...

I think it's great the Wizards have won six games in a row, and seem to have weathered the Nene injury quite well, but they are totally fucked in they remain the 5 seed in the East and have to play a 4-seeded Bulls team in the first rounds. Thibs team's defense and playoff experience will pown WittmanFace and Les Boulez.

T.J. said...

nice typing by me

rob said...

mark, did you go to school with izzy gutierrez?

rob said...

teejus, the bulls will pass the raptors for the three seed, thus benefitting the wiz. jimmer shoulda told you.

Clarence said...

Marls and I are at MSG for Johnnies-DePaul and beers. Is good.

Clarence said...

Just saw Malik Sealy and Rich Aurilia (among others) inducted into the SJU HoF. Interesting. Also, these beers are good.

Clarence said...

Marls wants me to clarify that Malik Sealy is dead so we saw his wife and son represent him. Very sorry if I misled anyone.

Mark said...

Reading Malik Sealy's name bummed me out. I loved that guy. Fucked up death for him.

As for Izzy, Rob, I believe he was a few years ahead of me and thus were not Florida students at the same time.

zman said...

Randy Moss' daughter apparently went to Florida last year and transferred to a DIII school where she scored 63 points the other day. This makes me feel very old.

Marls said...

Made our way to John's pizza post SJU victory. Whit is carb loading for the shamrock 8K.

Mark said...

She did, Z. She was a fairly high profile recruit and bolted from the program at Florida after one season. I thought it was really odd that she transferred down to D3. But maybe she just wanted to be able to shoot all the time. Can't blame her, I guess. Being a gunner can be quite fun.

rob said...

kq and dave share a birthday? did we know that? and mr kq and my little one do, as well. i'm confused by all of this, but hope you all had terrific days.

Mark said...

I hear there is another winter storm on the way for you folks. Meanwhile, I went surfing this afternoon.

rob said...

karma's a bitch. i hope you got sand in your asscrack.

Mark said...

Also, I really enjoy True Detective. I also have no fucking clue how they're wrapping everything up in these last two episodes.

Mark said...

I didn't get sand in my ass crack. Sorry, Rob. Now I'm sitting outside at a bar having a Lagunitas IPA on draft. It's 80 degrees out here.

Clarence said...

Marls and I are having a terrific day in honor of Dave and KQ. I just played Wildflower on the juke and Marls beat me at Golden Tee by 30 strokes. Now we're on to Social Distortion. Fuck yeah.

Clarence said...

And it's snowing in NYC now. Good lord willing, we'll get snowed in and have to stay and go watch Rhett Miller in Brooklyn tomorrow night.

rob said...

i hope you guys aren't watching the golf tournament that's on right now. it's some of the worst gacking and choking you'd ever want to see by ostensibly elite players. rory mcelroy's a shitshow.

rob said...

and after that, rory smokes a 3-wood to within 15 feet for eagle and has a putt to win the tournament.

Marls said...

Asscrack is one word

rob said...

marls has a doctorate in asscrackery. listen to the man.

zman said...

Wildflower by Ghostface? Asscrack Oreos.

TR said...

I am Oscar pre-gaming with the wife, which essentially means aggressively drinking wine. Bottle two uncorked before sunset = trouble when alarm goes off amid a snowstorm at 5 AM tmrw.

zman said...

You should go see the screening of OurVinyl Weighs a Ton at the Music Hall in Williamsburg tonight. BK, not VA.

TR said...

The conflict in the Ukraine is the #6 headline on CNN.com.

Remember when they used to be a legit news site? Not sure why Jeff Zucker is surprised they are lagging.

And Barry needs to nut up on Putin.

rob said...

why do we have to solve all the world's problems? how 'bout europe nuts up?

zman said...

Tits out.

rob said...

angela merkel's?

Marls said...

Angela has nice sweater puppies.

zman said...

Angela's merkin?

Dave said...

wildflower by the cult!

i am finally home and relaxing on my birthday-- survived nyc outing, medieval times outing, 10 year old sleep-over, coaching three games of soccer today, starting at 7AM, and then coaching a basketball play-off game. i'm rooting for a snow day, despite the fact that spring break is rapidly disappearing.

zman said...

That's a heroic dadding effort.

T.J. said...

No work tomorrow. That is a really early call by OPM. I'll take it.

Mark said...

So you're drunk tweeting The Oscars tonight then?

TR said...

When the Rockets lose in the second round of the playoffs this year, are we gonna stop talking about how smart Darling Morey is? He may be revolutionary with his use of analytics, but he's not successful. The Lin and Asik signings have been mistakes and The Howard/Harden pairing doesn't look like enough

If only I had a forum for griping about it in more detail...

TR said...

Darling s/b Daryl.

Marls said...

Clarice Starling?

rob said...

i believe tr has coined a nickname. morey will heretofore be known as darling in these parts.

rob said...

also, as i tweeted, there's no way we can act tough with putin if we close our federal government for some snow. we're such pussies.

TR said...

Sally Field holding it together pretty well. Kim Novak...not so much.

rob said...

in kim novak's defense, she's 81. in defense of her plastic surgeon, he was a 14 year-old.