Babel On

It's been nearly a year since we last heard from the Large Hadron Collider. And today, we find out why it's been so silent: it's gone Hollywood.

Courtesy of several members of the Hadron Alert Posse (HAP), we've learned that the LHC is starring in a major motion picture, released today in New York. Particle Fever follows six scientists as they participate in the LHC's voyage of scientific discovery (read: as they become its minions, footsoldiers in the battle for global hegemony).

The trailer below offers a glimpse into the inner workings of the LHC, purpose-built by the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN)* to solve some of the most fundamental scientific mysteries of our time. While it all looks really impressive, two really discordant notes offer close observers clues into the LHC's diversionary mindgames.

First, in the trailer, the narration claims that CERN invented the internet so that scientists could share data across distances. This is so ludicrous as to give away the game - we all know that the internet was invented to share porn and spawn dipshittery.

If that weren't enough, the trailer notes that more than 10,000 people representing over 100 nationalities work at the LHC. The last time such a phenomenon came to be, God took umbrage at man's hubris, and cast him to the four corners of the Earth**.

And so, in Particle Fever, we see a mendacious, hubristic LHC in all its glory. It's been so obvious to us for so long. Now, the whole world will see it***.



* - Anyone else suspicious that the ostensible EORN goes by CERN? Why does nobody question this?

** - This may be a mistelling of the Tower of Babel story. It's been a while since I've read The Bible.

*** - I can NOT believe that Shlara didn't get me and Teej and invite to the screening of this film.