Trust me, this is in no way a post about the National League Playoffs. HOWEVAH, the trifling San Diego Padres did clinch a playoff birth last night, giving me the rare opportunity to beat Anchorman lines into the ground. I was gonna go with "I'm Ron Burgundy, go fuck yourself, San Diego" but decided not to work blue (for once). You never know if Gracie's kids are secretly visiting this blogosphere (though I would assume Lukewarm Action would be their first stop). Moving on, the Padres (just 79-79) are poised to enter the playoffs with the fewest wins of a division champion EVAH, but, according to some donkey on the radio (does it count as "value-added" if it's regurgitated info?), the team they are bumping from that distinction, the 1973 New York Mets (82-79), made the World Series, for what it's worth (for all you country music fans, the closer on that team was Tim McGraw's daddy).
Congrats as well to the Cardinals and Braves for clinching playoff berths. I look forward to an early exit from either one or both of those teams (I'm telling you, that Cardinals pitching staff is completely exhausted - Chris Carpenter, 17 ER in his last 15.2 IP, and we all know the Braves history)...hold on, when did this become a post about the NL Playoffs?
I'm almost afraid to discuss the three-horse race for the AL East and AL Wild Card, in fear of jinxing my team's hopes. Perhaps today's fancy lunch (and subsequent libations) will loosen me up enough to bash the Red Sox and Indians and praise the Yankees (I am wearing my Yankees tie today, which I'm sure makes Butt cringe). Who knows, we'll just have to see. One AL Playoff note - It looks like the White Sox will clinch their berth tonight or tomorrow, and frankly, that's a real shame, because we were sure to get a historic meltdown from manager Ozzie Guillen...something Hal McRae-esque for sure. There is a slight chance we see the Ozzie Meltdown in the playoffs, but it might take Chicago blowing a 3-0 lead in the ALCS or something, and we all know no team is gonna blow a 3-0 lead in the ALCS (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more).
***It should be noted I just heard Mike and Mike use this quote on their show, and that is horseshit, because I've been hammering away at this keyboard (4 fingers at a time) long before they tried to be all hip and funny and ruin my title line.
Afternoon Update: The White Sox just clinched. Ms. Lippy's car is green. And I have indigestion.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
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18 comments:
That was, like, a real live post and everything, uncontaminated by non-sequitors and hackneyed catch phrases. I'm impressed.
And yes, Yankees tie--makes me cringe. Novelty ties are for toddlers and prop comics.
Let's see, ranking my novelty ties:
1. The condom tie (so awful, it's actually out of circulation)
2. My two Grinch xmas ties (classics if you ask me)
3. My Tazmanian Devil NY Giants tie (which may be Jerry's xmas present)
4. My Yankees tie
Ranking my novelty ties:
...
No surprise there.
So I'm getting coffee this morning, and I hear a woman (think Potomac Mills middle benches) ask for "breakfast butter"? Is there such a thing? Are you telling me there's regular butter AND breakfast butter? How was I unaware of this?
Some of those fancy boy coffee places have "honey butter" that they may call "Breakfast Butter"...it is only reserved for the real "health nuts" though. You know the "can I get a side of gravy with my salad" type.
That might've been what Nell Carter was looking for, especially given it was for her double order of grits.
Gracie's kids haven't surfed the internet since she caught them typing in words like "butt" and "poop" on google 15 months ago on their grandma's computer.
Yeah, the internet is a bad, bad place. You never know what you will find and there are people out there just waiting to prey on unsuspecting victims...at least that's what my dad told me.
Yes, abusing google like that is unscrupulous and wrong.
Signed,
Geoff Butt
Mike Sherman, extremely defensive, and apparently extremely stupid...
Packers coach Mike Sherman was asked about a report by ESPN analyst Chris Mortensen that he would be replaced after the season by Philadelphia offensive coordinator Brad Childress. "If Chris Mortensen is talking about my eventual (successor), he just added 10 years to my career because he's never been right about those things anyway," Sherman said. "So I feel pretty good about it right now."
Dear Mr. Butt,
Thank you for your inpupt. I do believe that google uses some technology that ranks their listings according to the number of times people go to each site from their search engine...so for a site to move up in their listing more people have to go to it from google.
That said...when type in BUTT you get a porn site.
# 1 listing (as of two minutes ago... www.bigbutt.com
#2 www.buttmagazine.com "BUTT Fantastic Magazine for Homosexuals"
I am too scared to do a search on poop.
I like to prey on unsuspecting internet victims.
Daddy was right.
Anytime I hear "Voodoo Child" by Hendrix on the radio I am immediately reminded of Gary Busey and the fantastic work he did in Under Siege. Anyone else?
"Check out these moves."
I think Mr. Segal wrote that bit of dialogue all by himself. Best Steven Segal movie out there: Executive Decision (and that's because his character dies in the first ten minutes of the movie).
Watch your mouth...Above the Law is a cinematic masterpiece.
And Under Siege II is right up there. What do guys like about Steven Segal? Really, is it the slicked back ponytail? It's just not doing it for me (though I must admit he has some killer karate chopping moves).
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