Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Good Seats Still (Always) Available

The Nationals and Marlins played a game last night, and no one came. No, seriously, check out this photo via @moneymetalcakes twitter feed. I mean, why do they even bother having an upper deck at Sun Life Stadium?


I would love to laugh at the Marlins' and their joke fan support, but then I remember a post like this from a Nats home game last year, and just shake my head at the shared fan indifference:


Nats and Marlins home baseball, catch the excitement. And sit wherever you'd like.

Looks like natural selection missed another one...

At least his reasoning was sound - the canine started it. But of course.
MASON, Ohio (AP) -- Police say an Ohio man has been charged with a misdemeanor for barking at a police dog. A police report says 25-year-old Ryan James Stephens was charged with teasing a police dog in the Cincinnati suburb of Mason. Officer Bradley Walker wrote that he heard the K9 dog barking uncontrollably inside his patrol car while he was investigating a car crash at a pub early Sunday morning. Walker says Stephens was making barking noises and hissing at the animal. Walker reported that Stephens said "the dog started it" when asked why he was harassing the animal. The officer said Stephens appeared highly intoxicated. There was no answer to calls to Stephens' home in Mason. He is to appear April 21 in municipal court.
Hmmm, wait a second...could this be the man?

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Equal Opportunity

As staunch defenders of the distaff, we'd be remiss in neglecting this evening's historic NCAA Women's Basketball National Championship game. Muffet McGraw's Notre Dame Fighting Irish stunned Geno Auriemma's Connecticut juggernaut in one semifinal, moving on to face the Aggies of Texas A&M, who knocked off much-ballyhooed Stanford to reach the final game. (Note: this is the first time in G:TB history that Auriemma's name has graced its pages. Auspicious day for him.) Both teams are #2 seeds, making this the first final since 1994 not to feature one of the four top seeds.

There are literally tens of blogs dedicated to covering women's hoops (give or take 8s or 9s), so we'll leave most of the analysis to the experts. Skylar Diggins leads the Irish, but since ESPN cares very little about women's basketball and I'm in a hurry, I can't tell you how many points per game she averages. She dropped 28 on UCONN as the Irish became the first team ever to defeat the Huskies and Tennessee in the same tournament.

A&M leads the nation in turnovers created, using their pressure defense to erase a 10-point deficit with six minutes remaining against Stanford. The story of the game will be Notre Dame's ability to take care of the basketball.

And Pam Ward's pantsuit.

We've got the Irish, 77-66. Who do you like?

Monday, April 04, 2011

Squirrel Week

Washington Post columnist John Kelly is clearly one of America's brightest journalistic lights. Yesterday, he kicked off #dcsquirrelweek to honor the noblest, bravest, nimblest, cleverest, and downright cutest beast roaming our planet. Mr. Kelly, you're doing God's work.



Saturday, April 02, 2011

Rollin down a hill snowballin gettin bigger

The first line of "Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun" characterizes the current state of VCU's men's basketball team, and although it may be more accurate to say "b-ballin gettin bigger," I never let technicalities get in the way of filler posts. Butler is now looking down the barrel of VCU's gun, which is pretty fitting given Richmond's insanely high murder-by-shooting rate.

The remaining members of the tournament's field are now on notice: Shaka Smith has homeboys bonanza to beat your ass down. ESPN analysts should also watch a game or two lest they unexpectedly wind up with a steak on their collective head.


Looking Down The Barrel Of A Gun from Titus Curare on Vimeo.

Friday, April 01, 2011

Metal Up Your Ass Friday, Featuring Pantera

It's the first of April, bitches. Baseball is starting. College basketball is ending. Tulips are blooming. So get fired up with Phil Anselmo, Dimebag Darrell (RIP), Vinnie Paul and Rex Brown.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Eternal Springing Hope

Damp gloominess notwithstanding, it's once again the Baseball Poets' favorite time of the year. The next year we've all been waiting for has arrived, the verdant cathedrals flung open to welcome the Boys of Summer and their attendant rooters, Annies, and furtive pharmaceutical providers. And as always*, the G:TB Baseball Preview** is here for your reference and enjoyment.

(* to my knowledge, we've never done a baseball preview)

(** this really isn't a baseball preview)

Others will focus on whether the Red Sox will live up to expectations (color me cautiously optimistic), Buck Showalter's first full season in Baltimore, Zack Grienke's ribcage, the Cubs' Sisyphean quest, Albert Pujols' walk year, and any number of other worthy intrigues. In keeping with our sub-niche specialization, we'll go a different route.

As the fourth-leading chronicler of CAA athletics (behind CAA: Life as a Mid-Major, Defiantly Dutch, and the Harrisonburg Daily News-Record, but way, way ahead of the Richmond Times-Dispatch and the Virginian Pilot), we'll be following the 11 former William & Mary ballplayers earning a professional check.

Three ex-Wrens begin the season on major league rosters, led by veteran pitchers Bill Bray and Chris Ray. Bray is finally healthy after 2009 Tommy John surgery, and enters his 5th big league season looking to be the Reds' late-inning lefty specialist after holding lefties to a .106 average in 2010. Ray saved 33 games for Baltimore in 2006 before struggling through his own injury issues. He accepted a non-roster invitation from Seattle in hopes of earning a late-game relief role, turning down several guaranteed MLB offers from teams with settled closing roles.

Will Rhymes opens the season as the Tigers' starting second baseman after playing in 54 games for Detroit in 2010. The 5'9", 155-pound Rhymes hit .304 with a .763 OPS in his debut season and will likely bat 9th for Jim Leyland this season. He'll take his first cuts of the season against C.C. Sabathia in the Tigers' opener this afternoon. (Annoying sidenote: A Bing image search for 'Will Rhymes' yields a ton of photos of his cousin Busta, but few of Will. Google > Bing.)

Follow our good friend Extra P (of Storming the Floor and CBS Sports Online fame) and his mates at Bus Leagues Baseball for news about the 8 Wrens playing minor league ball, including former big-leaguer Brendan Harris. The veteran infielder begins the season in Igor's backyard (not actually his back yard - there are far too many empties in the way to play baseball) with the Norfolk Tides. Check in with the W&M athletic department for a full list of W&M ballplayers in the minors.

Honor

My sincere gratitude to the men and women of the 3rd U.S. Army Regiment for their commitment to celebrating the service of our fallen Veterans. My family and friends had the distinct honor of laying my father to rest at Arlington National Cemetery yesterday. While it was an obviously solemn and sober affair, the presence of some 60+ Old Guard soldiers performing their duties with military precision and respect despite the cold drizzle was in many ways inspiring. My Dad's place in Arlington was well-earned, and the Old Guard let us know that they understood and agreed. As Dad was a Gheorghian goofball of the highest order, our regularly scheduled dipshittery will commence shortly.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Ghoogles: Laziest Attempt Ever

Cut and paste job of every keyword search that scored at least two visitors for G:TB in the last seven days. I'd say we're devloping nicely as a niche diorama internet destination.

And seriously, Judy Tenuta? Her agent should be cutting us a check for keeping that woman's name afloat on the interwebs.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

This guy here is dead. Cross him off, then.

Our midget editor told me we needed to post something today. I imagine you're all sick of us touting VCU, so how about some baseball....season starts Thursday, I will be at the Nattys home opener, a businessman's special...so what the heck, how about a look at the hometown nine (it ain't pretty folks):


OK, well, have fun with that. Bernadina just got sent down. We'll be back tomorrow with useless filler.

Monday, March 28, 2011

#8wins4CAA

New FOG:TB Jerry Beach has some very nice things to say about our humble staff today over at Defiantly Dutch (or as our blogroll prefers, Defianty Dutch). Of course, he also has kind words for our arch-nemesis, He Who Deals in Reality, but in all the mid-major group hugging that began on Saturday and will last for the next week, we're more than willing to let that go.


We're thrilled this morning for one of G:TB's long-time supporters, Mike Litos of CAA:LAMM fame. As the Teej coined this weekend, MGL is Don CAA-leone, the leading chronicler of Colonial hoops on the internet. He's also a VCU grad, which made this weekend's events all the sweeter for him - not to mention that his tireless and insightful coverage of the conference earned him a trip to San Antonio to cover the regional. We're hugely proud to be his friend and very, very happy for him. MGL wrote a lot this weekend for the Around the Horns blog - check it out if you want to see the best VCU coverage available.

I shouldn't neglect the fine work our very own Teej has done over at SB Nation DC. Check out his stylings so you can say you knew him when.

All of this almost makes me think that the same thing could happen to the Wrens. Almost. Enjoy the moment, Futile Superfans. It's pretty cool.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Good luck VCU. If people weren't rooting for you before, quoting "Dumb and Dumber" is a good way to convert them...

Phase 1 - Quote:
"It's kind of like the movie 'Dumb and Dumber," said VCU coach Shaka Smart on Saturday, setting up a popular line from the gap-toothed doofus played by Jim Carrey. "'So you're saying we've got a chance?"
Phase 2 - Clip:


Phase 3 - Profit. VCU in the Final Four.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Basketball, a wedding and numerous assholes with differing agendas...

Who schedules a wedding in March? Assholes, that’s who. For the second time in as many years, one of my wife’s friends has a wedding scheduled during the meat of the second weekend of the tournament. Two key differences this year: (1) Last year there were no TVs to watch while
drinking/avoiding people at the reception and (2) Florida is playing in an important game during the wedding this year. It’s a bit of a wash, especially since this year’s wedding is a short affair (10-15 minutes) and its on the deck of an oceanfront hotel with the reception being held in said hotel. I plan on being at the hotel bar with 10 minutes left in the first half, at the latest.

Here’s the real problem though. Florida is playing Butler. Butler might be a “mid-major” but they’re bullies. For real. I’m not calling them the Pat Riley era Knicks but there is a bit of an element of that team to their game. They are, by far, the most physical team in the country and they bump, hit and push the opposition so often that many plays that would often be called fouls aren’t called against Butler simply because the refs can’t call everything. It’s an effective defensive strategy and one Butler is exceedingly good at executing. Look at their last two opponents, Pittsburgh and Wisconsin. Each is considered amongst the most physical teams in America, yet both of them were physically pushed around by Butler throughout much of their games. Florida, on the other hand, is not thought of as an especially physical or tough team. Part of this true and part of this is due to the perception of Florida as a program. This perception, I contend, is largely wrong. Florida was, early in Billy Donovan’s career, known for pressing, playing 10-12 guys and shooting tons of threes. However, as time has passed and Florida has become both more successful and more established, the Gators have become a program that thrives on quality halfcourt offensive basketball, good big men (look at the number of bigs Donovan has put in the NBA, its impressive, to say the least) and solid team defense. One need look no further than Thursday night’s win over BYU for evidence of this. Kenny Boynton did an exceptional job guarding Jimmer Fredette but was also helped out by the fact that nearly every time Fredette had even an ounce of daylight, there was a second (and often third) Gator defender flying at him with a hand up. So, you see, these teams are far more similar than most would have you believe. Right down to their boy wonder head coaches. We’ve all marveled at the story, success and likability of Butler’s Brad Stevens over the last 2-3 years but it’s easy to forget that despite having won 2 National Championships and being the 3rd all time winningest coach in SEC history, Billy Donovan is still only in his early 40s. Somehow, he’s still one of the nation’s most underrated coaches and he’s built a premier program in a place that had no record of sustained basketball success in the 70 some odd years before his arrival from Marshall.

If you can’t already tell, I’m pretty psyched for this game. I expect it to be a back and forth, physical affair that comes down to the last possession or two. With that said, and in the interest of time, here are a few keys to the game:

• Shelvin Mack: Kenny Boynton will once again have his hands full with a physical, experienced and multi-talented guard. Mack carried Butler in their win over Pittsburgh last weekend and is fully capable of going off for 25-30 again today. Boynton is an underrated defender but is going to need the help of his long limbed teammates to keep Mack in check.

• Florida’s frontline: I said this would be key in the BYU game, and it was. Florida has one of the country’s deepest, most athletic frontlines. They’ll need to feed Vernon Macklin and Alex Tyus the ball early to put pressure on Smith (coming off an ankle injury) & Howard (prone to foul trouble) in order to establish them against a smaller Butler frontline. Alex Tyus gave Florida his best game in two years against BYU. Freshman phenom Patric Young had his best game of the year in the win over UCLA. Florida will need 2-3 big games out of their 5 man frontcourt rotation to come away with a victory.

• The Point Guards: You can make the case that Florida’s most important player is Erving Walker. He’s tough, a natural leader and has taken (and made) more big shots for them this year than the rest of the team combined. He’s come a long way from the turnover prone, sometimes wildly out of control player he was last year. However, he still has days where he settles for his jumpshot too often and doesn’t control the pace like Donovan would like. He must take care of the ball, contend with Butler’s physical guards and be able to hit a few timely shots. On the other side, Steven Van Zandt is as much of a reason for Butler’s late season surge as anyone. His insertion into the starting lineup gave Butler another sorely needed shot creator and allowed Mack to move off the ball and concentrate his efforts on scoring. He’s going to see a number of Florida defenders today (Walker, Boynton, Scottie Wilbekin) and he’s going to have to be able to handle their pressure effectively while getting Butler into their halfcourt sets.

• Chandler Parsons: As he goes, Florida goes. When Florida was losing to the likes of Jacksonville University early this season and fell out of the top 25, Parsons was struggling in nearly every area of the game, especially scoring as he was averaging about 8 pts/game. When Florida hit it’s stride during SEC play (13-3 overall), it was Parsons, leading the team in rebounding & assists (2nd in scoring), who was the catalyst for this run. The SEC Player of the Year must come up big today and fill the stat sheet if Florida is to advance to the Final Four.

Finally, a fun fact: Brad Stevens and Billy Donovan are a combined 4-0 in regional final games. Obviously, somebody’s perfect record won’t survive this evening. Should be interesting to see which one of these talented coaches it is.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Metal Up Your Ass Friday, Featuring Static X

It's Friday, people. Suck down your coffee, get this song cranking on your work PC and be happy that another week will be complete in a few hours. With ample New Jersey representation and tattoos among the editorial staff, this song felt fitting.



I picked this song to honor of my wife, who is celebrating a birthday today. I think of her every time I hear the song, especially the lines that say "Your shit's like chocolate cake. Your ass smells like a rose."

Wishing you all an ass that smells like a rose today.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Once More with Feeling

On the cusp of another weekend spent immersed in basketball being played by teams other than our favorite, a little reminder that Tony Shaver continues to take the Wrens in the right direction. The Washington Post's local recruiting beat writer gives comfort today, reporting that Tribe signee and 2011 Maryland Player of the Year Marcus Thornton has no intention of trying to get out of his commitment to enroll at William and Mary. "“William & Mary recruited me all along,” said Thornton. “I’m happy with my decision.”

The 6'3" shooting guard averaged 23.4 points per game in his senior year at McNamara. He's rail-thin at 165 pounds, but has loads of offensive talent. With lots of youth in the Tribe's guard rotation (only Kendrix Brown will be a senior next season), Thornton needs to prove he can score and play defense at the college level in order to get quality minutes, but his talent is undeniable. He'll also bring the best hair W&M's seen since Zeb Cope left the Colonial Capital.

6'7" forward Tom Schalk from Apple Valley, MN joins Thornton in the Class of 2016. The Maxpreps Top 100 recruit is the highest-rated signee in Tony Shaver's tenure at W&M, for whatever that's worth. Schalk committed to W&M as a high school junior, and brings a versatile all-court game and a sweet three-point stroke to the 'burg. He averaged 22.8 ppg as a high school senior.

Sometimes the filler just writes itself...

I first saw this story on twitter last night. I mean, can a story be any better set up for a clip than this one?
U.S. investigators are examining whether two airline flights landed at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport today without tower guidance because the lone controller on duty was asleep.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Golden Age of Moviemaking: "Towering Inferno"

A couple of weeks ago I was jamming out to the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack when Disco Inferno came on. Fantastic song, yes, but that's not why I'm here today. My OC-ADD brain immediately jumped to "Towering Inferno" , the epic 70s disaster flick about, well, a skyscraper on fire. Hopefully you have all seen this classic, but if not, the trailer below will get you sufficiently fired up (perhaps) to watch it, sometime, maybe:



Yep, that is indeed Orenthal James Simpson. AND Ernest Borgnine. Greatest casting ever. McQueen was salty Newman had 12 more lines than him in the movie. I mean, freakin' Fred Astaire is in this movie. John Williams, yeah that famous composer dude, did the score. Just ep-ic.

OK, get excited, next week I'm gonna ramble on about the original Poseidon Adventure...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

This Whole World Wide Web Thing is Awesome

While The Teej remains fascinated by some sort of bestiality movement (see here), we find ourselves entranced by other, higher brow web sites.

Like this one. Rated PG-13 for bad language. And worse grammar.

And since we usually have a picture in our posts, here's one for you all:

Monday, March 21, 2011

Solutions

I've had a nagging professional problem on my mind for the past several weeks. As is often the case, I've followed the advice of a college friend and ignored the issue. Today, through no action of my own, the problem went away. Darren Brown would be proud.

Don't tell my kids, but that's...one to grow on.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Tournament: Day 4

I can't quote the bible like Zman (I've never been into fiction) but I did want to make life easier for all our friends commenting from their phones so I decided a new post was needed for the Sunday slate of games. And while I was thinking about that I decided I should push some of my musical tastes on the readers of G:TB (shit, everyone else does). You may have never heard of Ratatat. If not, they're just a couple of Broooklyn hipsters who do dope remixes. Very, very dope. You've probably heard of Slim Thug...but you've probably never listened to him. I can't blame you. He's not really my style either. Despite my southern upbringing, there aren't a ton of Southern rappers that I love.

I do, however, love this remix. Don't blame me if it's stuck in your head all day today.