When I first read the headline of this story, I assumed it was April 1st. It was not. Try to comprehend this without vomiting:
"Great Wolf Lodge debuts Ranch Milkshake topped with carrots, celery and chicken nuggets"
I wouldn't even subject Marls to that monstrosity, which apparently is an actual thing. According to a spokesman for Great Wolf Lodge who wouldn't identify himself (we know it's a dude because women have more common sense than to allow themselves to be associated with fuckery of this nature), “The shake starts with a vanilla ice cream base, so it’s still sweet and creamy, while the ranch adds a tangy twist that creates a surprisingly delicious combination."
To which we say, just because you can do something doesn't mean you should do it.
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I took zkids to our local Great Wolf Lodge for two days during their spring breaks. The experience was not unlike Gary Shteyngart's cruise, but shorter and rooted in place. At dinner one evening, the waitress said "I have to tell you that we have a new ranch milkshake because they make me, but I'm not telling you to get it because it sounds disgusting." We did not get it.
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