Sunday, October 09, 2016

Trumpty Trump Advises Us All To Just Grab 'Em In The Biscuits

Digital Underground was a relatively popular hiphop group in the late 1980's. Their most popular song was "The Humpty Dance" in which group "member" Humpty Hump stated "I'm the one who said just grab 'em in the biscuits!" which was a reference to another song on the same album, "Doowutchyalike" in which Humpty Hump implored women thusly: "Homegirls, for once, forget you got class, see a guy you like: just grab 'em in the biscuits!" I refer to Humpty as a "member" of DU because he was Shock G's alter ego--he put on a fake nose, spoke in a fake voice, and adopted the personality of a nerdy lecher.

About 25 years later, presidential candidate DJ Trump got into hot water when video footage surfaced of him encouraging the nephew of former president George H.W. Bush that, upon seeing beautiful women, he should grab 'em in the biscuits, albeit less euphemistically. There was immediate hue and cry from the fifth estate.

DJ Trump's wife Melania rushed to his aid with a press release, stating that the man in the video is not the man she knows, that this nerdy lecher Trumpty Trump character in the video is merely one of DJ Trump's alter egos and that the real DJ Trump is worthy of leading the free world. This was one of the first, if not the first, public statements from Melania after giving a speech in which she bit lines from one of Michelle Obama's speeches--once Melania's status as a sucka MC was discovered she went underground.

In a stunning turn of events, Republicans holding elected federal offices felt that Trumpty Trump's advice to Lil Bush was unbecoming of a presidential candidate. In a moment of tremendous courage, Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) withdrew his support for DJ Trump, noting that he cannot look his 15-year-old daughter in the eye and tell her what Trumpty Trump said. Seriously, he said "My wife and I, we have a 15-year-old daughter, and if I can’t look her in the eye and tell her these things, I can’t endorse this person." Here's the video.



I guess this means that Rep. Chaffetz can look his daughter in the eye and tell her that Mexicans are rapists; that Gonzalo Curiel is not qualified to judge non-Hispanics because he is of Mexican ancestry; that we should discriminate against immigrants based on their race, religion, or nation of origin; that we should ban Muslims from entering the country; that it's presidential to discuss the size of one's penis; that Saddam Hussein was and Vladimir Putin is strong and effective leaders; that John McCain isn't a hero for his service; that Muslim Gold Star parents don't deserve respect.

Predictably, many Republicans are now walking away from DJ Trump and his Trumpty Trump character. What a bunch of buffoons. After all the atrocities DJ Trump spit on the mic, they expect me to believe that this new misogyny in a litany of woman-hating quotes is the final bridge too far? Of course it isn't. If Trump had a snowball's chance against Hillary they'd still be standing with him. Now that he's tanked in the polls and the debate they're jumping ship at the first opportunity.

I detest the Bush and potential Clinton dynasties. I am disgusted by the idea that the past five presidencies could be held by only three families. It runs against the Founders' intent and common sense--what's the likelihood that four of the best qualified people to be president are contained in two generations of two families? I probably would have voted for any reasonable Republican candidate who didn't run on a platform involving "more guns and more god" as a plank.

Instead I'm voting Democrat on the entire ticket. The top of the ticket is deeply flawed but greatly preferable to the alternative, and the rest of the slate cannot possibly have less integrity than the clowns on the other side of the aisle in Washington.

Hopefully DJ Trump and his Trumpty Trump shtick will fade into relative obscurity like Shock G and Humpty Hump. But I wouldn't count on it.

33 comments:

zman said...

And despite the foregoing, several Republican leaders are calling for Mike Pence to be the nominee? Trump is a pariah but we're supposed to rely on his judgment and vote for the guy he chose to run with? A guy who didn't receive a single vote in the primary? A guy who is tremendously "inside" when the party's base clearly wanted "outside" candidates? A guy who has said almost nothing throughout the race because he didn't even run? That's great.

T.J. said...

Pence is a steaming pile of excrement

TR said...

Hi Hannah. It's your pal TR. I like your lacey shirt this morning.

Dave said...

What people say they are going to do and what they do in that voting booth are two very different things. I think a lot of people are going to vocally dismiss Trump, but then when they get in that little closet, they're going to hear the voice of Rush Limbaugh or somebody similar ringing in their head, and they're going to pull the lever for Trump.

I know I should vote for Hillary, but when I get in there, I'll throw strategy to the wind, and vote for Jill Stein and the Green Party . . . just like I always do.

Dave said...

also, a little into the second paragraph of this, i was really hoping that trump used a humpty hump line . . . but apparently he did not. what did he say?

Dave said...

just googled it. he probably shouldn't have said that, but-- in his defense-- he probably never imagined that the republican party would nominate him for president.

zman said...

He probably shouldn't have said that. But are we really this surprised that two wealthy white men from privileged backgrounds act like dooshnozzles and objectify women? Is this really such a departure from Trump's previous statements that it sinks his whole campaign? Or are people taking advantage of it to walk away from Trump before their own elections?

rob said...

preach, zman. your mic sounds nice, check one.

TR said...

Hey Zman, you know that old saying "Stickmen in glass houses should not throw stones?" Be careful what comes up about your Unit M conquests...

rob said...

washington hung 70 on oregon last night. that was payback a long time coming.

zman said...

Aren't I more of a twigman though?

Danimal said...

Anyone watching 60 minutes?

T.J. said...

this debate is going to be such a fucking shit show

rob said...

i'm wondering how long i'll be able to stand it. i'm borderline sick to my stomach already.

Marls said...

He is sniffing again

Marls said...

Medieval Times!!!

Marls said...

Block grants!!

zman said...

At what point will both debaters take their pants off and literally shit on each other?

TR said...

Trump's comments on energy are the equivalent of Ace Ventura bending over and singing "Asshole-o mio."

Joaquin Auricto said...

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T.J. said...

you said it, Joaquin

and happy birthday Mark

headed to cali today - three flights, two hotels, two rental cars in 6 days. i am not the travel pro like TR or danimal, but i'll do my best

Squeaky said...

TJ, they have nonstop flights to cali. It shouldn't take you 6 days, two rental cars, two hotels and three flights ...

T.J. said...

Yes, donk. I'm not taking three flights to get to California

T.J. said...

This is happening regularly now - when did TSA Pre become the slower of the two security lines?

Squeaky said...

I kid. You flying out of DCA? That Pre check line is always the longest and slowest.

T.J. said...

Yep, DCA.

Danimal said...

9 out of 10 times you're better off w/the Pre...and even when not, not having to do the shoes, computer, and belt thing is worth it. Call me lazy.

There's a somewhat new tool out there to further expedite the security process. It's called CLEAR (clearme.com). I expensed it, and at about $180, it will only be worth it if that's the case and/or you travel a lot to and from airports with the process in place. It's pretty slick...If you're in the Clear (I just made that up), you go right to the front of the line. The # of airports is growing but still pretty weak.

Shlara said...

TSA Pre is totally worth it in major airports to avoid the unpacking and repacking in security.
The trade off is long lines.
In small airports, there's no benefit b/c they still make you take everything out.

I did CLEAR many years ago when it first came out--got my eyes scanned and everything
Then they went bankrupt...so I'm a little wary of them at this point

TJ--when you're driving out west, remember that driving towards the coast means WEST...I make that mistake all the time

zman said...

Nothing wrong with bankruptcy, that's just a smart businessman taking advantage of the law.

rob said...

the new clear leadership team is completely different than the old one - investors came in an recapitalized the business. they've got some interesting and aggressive plans - think beyond airports to places like sports/concert venues where you could pass by security lines to get preferential entrance. i think their model breaks down as it gets successful, to some degree. same issue as precheck - there's a point at which success/volume is their enemy.

Shlara said...

I'm sure some of you guys could write a post like this:

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-perfect-yacht-rock-song-for-every-occasion

Squeaky said...

Logan has a gold passport parking plan that guarantees you a parking space. You pay a yearly fee and then a couple of extra bucks a day over the usual day rate. Totally saved my ass from parking in long term and busing to the terminal when running late for a flight.

Couple that with Precheck and I can parking, walk to terminal, go through security and be at my gate in usually 20 minutes, 30 tops. That's pre 9/11 and worth every penny.

Danimal said...

Looks like someone is celebrating a birthday today...David Lee Roth, Brett Favre, Ben Vereen, Lin Yutang, and of course Mark Hughes. Happy Birthday all!