Sunday, May 25, 2014

Everybody Poops (Themselves)

My youngest daughter's team split a pair of soccer matches yesterday, dropping a 1-0 decision in the morning before recovering from an early one-goal deficit to record a 3-1 win in an afternoon tilt. The goal that determined the outcome of the first match was a reasonably weak one, as gifted 10 year-old goalkeepers are a rare breed, indeed.

The loss in the first game came at the hands of a club that beat our squad, 4-1, in regular season play last Fall. One of those four tallies was an own goal off the foot of my daughter. She was playing an outside midfield position, and tracked back to defend her goal. As she sprinted towards the 6-yard box, a teammate cleared the ball off the end line, directly into her path. She hammered a gorgeous volley cleanly into the upper corner of her team's net.

She was distraught, breaking down in tears on the spot, even though her team was down 4-0 at the time. In the car on the way home, we talked about own goals, and how even the world's best players fall victim to the game's bad bounces. Her favorite professional player, Steven Gerrard, might've cost his team a Premiership championship with his own boner this month.

In her honor, and in an effort to bring good luck to her and her teammates as they take on a much better side this morning with a berth in the tournament semifinals on the line, a pair of videos detailing some of soccer's worst own goals. Because we all kick the ball off of our faces into the net in life every once in a while.



53 comments:

Marls said...

Am I right to assume that you didn't mention Andres Escobar to her?

rob said...

you are correct on that count

Marls said...

Of course I doubt many Columbian drug lords are gambling on Loudoun County youth league soccer.

TR said...

Helluva beach day here in NJ. Jersey Strong! And swarthy!

Shlara said...

Orlando airport is what it must be like to be in hell.

T.J. said...

reflective of Orlando itself

Mark said...

I loathe the Orlando airport. So many tourists and so much not giving a fuck amongst its employees.

I've returned from Miami just in the nick of time. Not sure I could've handled a third night there.

zman said...

Gillette makes a " Body" razor that's supposed to be ideal for mean to shave their body hair with.

Do men really do that?

zman said...

mean = men

Danimal said...

I trim w clippers and a short guard.

At the neighborhood pool chillaxin. I'm sure someone here must very much dislike that word. With one child and it is the one that can swim. He is entertained. I drink beer.

Danimal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TR said...

I fastidiously trim my groin beard and fur titties.

Danimal said...

And I'll get down there every blue moon w a razor, so I would like to see this body version you speak of.

zman said...

But does anyone shave their bodies bare? I'd need like five razors to get that done.

zman said...

Am I supposed to trim my armpits?

zman said...

http://m.gillette.com/en/us/products/razors/mens-body-razors-manscaping.aspx

Mark said...

Lots of the meatheads at my gym shave their bodies. Seems like an awful lot of work.

And Danimal, I'm not a big fan of that made up word. You do you though. It's cool.

Danimal said...

I don't know about the nether region but do have several tri geek pals that shave everything else....legs, chest, arms. So at that point, I'd guess they complete the job.
If I created such a product, I would do specifically for the ballthz. I would call it "Dees Razor".

zman said...

Gotta wax the nads. Ingrown scrotal hairs from shaving = bad times.

rob said...

that prick josh beckett threw a no-hitter today. neat.

speaking of neat, i've never shaved anything on my body other than my face, nor will i ever do so, good lord willing and the creek don't rise. y'all are a buncha freaks.

rootsminer said...

Rob, my boy scored a beautiful own goal in his first game last fall. It's been a soccer weekend for our fam too. And the kid we spent all of that time/money/effort for is rewarding us by being an insufferable shit the moment we get back home.

As I was heading back into the hotel while packing the car I ran into the lammie known as Frank D.

Mark said...

Josh Beckett story: When he was with the Marlins he spent a fair amount of time here between Spring Training and a couple rehab assignments. Early during the Marlins tenure he became friend with this rich redneck (Kenny) guy who lives in a house out on a lake (the redneck talks almost exactly like Boomhauer (spelling?) from King of the Hill. The house is the only house on the lake and Beckett and Kenny often went fishing on said lake. One day Kenny was talking about buying a new fishing boat.

Two days later a brand new, high end fishing boat showed up at his house courtesy of Beckett.

So Beckett isn't all bad.

Mark said...

The Thunder are going to win tonight. It's the only game they'll win this series.

Mark said...

My wife is making homemade booze right now. I did alright for myself.

rob said...

meanwhile, at my house, i'm following my ancient, incontinent cat around while she pisses and shits all over the place.

zman said...

Ibakalypse now.

rob said...

thunder's gonna regret letting the spurs stay in this

rob said...

if westbrook had even a little bit of parker's feel for the game, he'd be nuclear

Mark said...

He doesn't though. He's revolutionary in terms of athleticism for a point guard. But he's not really a point guard.

rob said...

yep. and it will continue to hold the thunder back.

T.J. said...

Rob, go rest up for the visit with Abe at Cowboy Cafe.

rob said...

85 degrees and a cloudless sky in the nation's capital today. good day to wear a heavy wool suit and top hat.

Danimal said...

Not gonna lie to ya....a little hungover today. It's beating me into submission. Hosted neighbors last night. They are wine snobs and did not disappoint. In exchange, I put on a fucking show at the grills. Yes, plural. Broke out the junior smokey joe. Looked like Neal Peart up in here. Finished the eve with some Balvenie and Jameson. Just opened an Intuition. Going to watch America's team whip some Duke ass in the lax championship. May get inspired and get my sweat on later, but probably not.

It's Whatever said...

Found your blog through a comment you left about Jon Stewart not playing for William and Mary in college and stating the man in the pictures is Jon Liebowitz. They are the same person. He changed his name in 2001 from Jonathan Stuart Liebowitz to Jon Stewart for both professionally and personal reasons. He also was the assistant coach to Gloucester High School while he attended and played for William and Mary. Just seemed funny that an alumni would get that wrong seeing they still give out an award to the clown of the team in his honor, the Liebo.

Tribe Pride, bitches.

Danimal said...

Thanks Jon.

rob said...

you sure you were on the right blog, whatever? we're all pretty well versed in mr. stewart's legacy around these parts. but tribe pride, indeed.

Dave said...

i tell my defenders that if you don't score an own goal once in a while, you're not playing defense hard enough.

and it's getting time for cat to veet my back hair. yuck.

zman said...

Who is Jon Stewart?

zson is the most annoying person I've ever met.

zman said...

"for both professionally and personal reasons" is not a real English clause.

mayhugh said...

I am a huge fan of English Claus. Much better than Santa.

zman said...

Djokavic is woodshedding some guy named Joao Sousa. I bet he likes to march.

rob said...

you break bad on grammar and then tell that joke? maybe take a few minutes for quiet reflection, z.

zman said...

You don't like Sousa?

rob said...

had a really traumatic sousaphone experience as a kid

Shlara said...

my 10 year old Apple router died last night, so I had to buy a new one today. they've made some serious advances in technology over the last decade, huh?

this thing is FAST

zman said...

You should get fios. It's fantastic.

rob said...

wait 'til shlara gets a load of mobile telephony

Mark said...

I urge all of you to watch this. Easily the best thing I've seen all day.

http://Instagram.com/p/od_f_no1w8/

TR said...

How we feeling about the season-ender of Mad Men? Not a strong wrap up, but a great season overall.

rob said...

mark, that smoker has seen some action. sign that wilfork's the real deal - that's no fancy, high-tech joint. he's got a rock holding it in place, it's all beat up. he uses that thing with love.

and his ass weighs more than i do.

Shlara said...

Does Clarence know about this?

http://live.thehamiltondc.com/event/438901-yacht-rock-revue-washington/

Lumpy said...

I'm going out on a limb to say that contraption of Vince's is strictly for personal consumption. No intent to distribute.

And the Achilles looks to be healing nicely

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