Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Old People Are Sexy Too (and So Is Your Mom)


I'm very frustrated because I can't find an internet clip of my favorite sex scene in the history of cinema. It occurs right after the moment pictured above in Kenneth Branagh's version of Hamlet. Claudius, the usurper king is taking his "rouse," and chugging cups of Rhenish wine. Hamlet tells his buddy Horatio that this is a Danish tradition referred to as the "wassail," and it happens late at night, after much dancing and drumming. He also says that most Danes don't practice the tradition, but -- of course -- his murderous, incestuous, wife stealing uncles loves it.

Right after King Claudius finishes chugging the wine, he puts his arm around Queen Gertrude's waist, hurls her into the bedroom, throws her on the bed, and leaps on top of her . . . in full view of all his ministers (it's good to be the king). You have to watch carefully to see it, as it occurs in the background. If you want to see for yourself, you need to check out Act I Scene 4. This is the only scene from the film I couldn't find on the internet, so obviously I'm the only person who finds this detail awesomely fantastic. This is why.

Queen Gertrude is a bit old to be engaging in this sort of lascivious behavior. Even before Hamlet meets the ghost and learns that his mother has married a murderer, he is disturbed by her behavior. Specifically, her sexuality . . . her "wicked speed" and "dexterity" climbing into the "incestuous sheets" with Uncle Claudius. This is fun to point out in a high school English class, as  the kids get really, really uncomfortable when you mention the fact that their parents had to have sex in order to create them. We all agree that the best thing to do is never think about adults having sex, especially your own mother. 

Branagh won't let us avoid these thoughts, though, as they are integral to the play. He casts Queen Gertrude perfectly: she has to be someone that looks old, but was once hot.  Julie Christie fits the bill. 

Here she is in Hamlet:


And here she is in here prime:


After we watch the scene, and the students are properly appalled by two old people behaving like they are at a fraternity party, I end the lesson by telling them: "this is what's going to happen in your house after you go away to college."

27 comments:

mayhugh said...

Someone more versed in NCAA hoops please talk to me about Wichita State's prospects in the tourney. They have a seasoned team that went deep last year but they aren't sneaking up on anyone this year.

Greg said...

There's something rotten in Denver.

Clarence said...

John Denver?

zman said...

Bob Denver.

rob said...

speaking of wichita state, the tribe led them at halftime when they played in november.

and the tribe is favored by 10 1/2 at home against hofstra this evening. i like the tribe to win, but that's a big number. this game means nothing to w&m, who're locked into the caa 3 seed, while hofstra has a chance to avoid the 8/9 play-in game. tribe wins, but not by more than 10.

rob said...

and mayhugh, the tournament's a crapshoot. wichita is just as likely to lose to an 8 seed as they are to make a run to the final four. neither result will necessarily tell us how good they are. i think they're pretty good - anything less than sweet sixteen run would be a disappointment.

Clarence said...

Rob said "who're" . . . heh heh

Mark said...

I think the Shockers are legit. Their guards Van Vleet and Baker are both pros (Baker will probably play in the NBA) and Cleanthony Early has both a fantastic name and is a matchup nightmare.

Their league is weak this year but they still wear a huge bullseye each night and still keep winning. Sweet 16 or more are likely. Like Rob said though, it's the tournament so who really knows.

rootsminer said...

Howdy all. Is there anything cool at all in Fort Lauderdale? I'm heading to a conference there for the next few days, and it feels like a step down from last year in New Orleans.

And just keep wearing your Shockers hat with pride Mayhugh.

Mark said...

Las Olas is a decent area to grab some food and a drink or two. Riverfront is okay too. A little lower end than Las Olas but they let you take your drink out of the bar.

rootsminer said...

Thanks Mark.

Danimal said...

Beaches & bars. Fishing. Beaches.

mayhugh said...

I would not have thought that about Baker. Thought Vanvleet was more impressive last year. Baker seemed like a typical white off-guard on a mid major.

Mark said...

He's got good size (6'4"), shoots it well and is a better athlete than most think (cause he's white). He's only a sophomore too.

Danimal said...

I wonder if Putin has seen Rocky IV

Clarence said...

The on-air folks at WXPN are currently discussing whether the story of G. Love & Special Sauce actually making and selling hot sauce is true or a hoax. It's true. I have some in my kitchen cabinet. It's a heck of a lot like Texas Pete. Good enough.

zman said...

I got'cher special sauce right here.

Clarence said...

Sirius XM Backspin gave "We're All in the Same Gang" some airplay today. I'd forgotten about that little gem.

mr kq said...

Rawked XPN all day yesterday in Philly on biz. That station brings it. Modern Lovers, Trombone Shorty, Joe Jackson, Drive By Truckers and everything in between.

rob said...

xpn is one of the nation's great stations, up there with kexp from seattle, kcrw from l.a., and the current in minny.

Clarence said...

And WCWM, the only station to play Random Idiots on air.

rob said...

tribe wins by 5. hope you spoke well of me to your bookmakers this evening.

Mark said...

Michigan just won in OT on a genius but also insane out of bounds play. John Belien is an offensive basketball savant.

rob said...

i'm giving a presentation on friday to my ceo on the topic of regulatory arbitrage. in related news, i know fuck all about regulatory arbitrage. so if anyone has some jargon that i might use to obfuscate my ignorance, that'd be super.

rob said...

dave did his part - who's responsible for tomorrow's sexy time?

Danimal said...

Jim Lange, former Dating Game host - dead. RIP Jimmer.

zman said...

rob, work "rent-seeking behavior" into your talk and you'll get a gold star.