In the hopes of someday dunking a basketball or perhaps riding Space Mountain without the attendant hassling you, myself and Gheorghe: The Blog contributors Rob and Whitney (Dennis, you are welcome too of course) are entering into a height gain wager. There will be weekly stand-ins, the results of which will be updated here at Gheorghe: The Blog HQ.
Timeline: The bet began with last night's stand-in (February 6th for those scoring at home), and since this country measures its winners by gross means (stupid anti-aesthetes), the tallest contestant as of April 20, 2007 is the winner.
Execution: Inspired by the seminal Val Kilmer comedy, Real Genius, we'll be using laser technology to measure the contestants most weeks. If by some chance the contestants find themselves in the same location (unlikely, but possible), we'll use a chain of chewing gum wrappers to take the weekly measurement.
Rules: We measure together every Tuesday, rain or shine. Well, not actually rain, because that'll fuck up the laser. Shine only. The results of the stand-ins will be posted weekly at Gheorghe: The Blog, and likely on any number of blogs and websites that get swept up in the phenomenon.
Penalty: If either one of us “quits” the bet, there is a $15 penalty for each week of the bet given up on, with the minimum penalty of $50 and a maximum of $150. Also, Rob will continue to pay the societal penalty of being nearly 6 inches shorter than the average American male.
Stakes: The winner will purchase a round of adult beverages for each of the other contestants, as he has already received substantial benefit from the world at large on account of his superior height. Frankly, he owes us.
THE AFOREMENTIONED UPDATE:
The first official stand-in took place last night using Gheorghe: The Blog's experimental new laser measurement technology. After some initial glitches (Whit, those eyebrows will likely grow back relatively quickly), the LED readout gave us the following starting heights:
(Note: the most difficult part of the measuring process was getting someone to stand still long enough to get a reading. That someone spent most of the time trying to light a fatty with the laser.)
The next stand-in will take place Tuesday, February 13 at approximately 7pm. Rob will be driving back from Philadelphia, so his reading may be impacted by the earth's curvature.