I thought it might be time for a neutral observer to preview the upcoming Washington Nationals season (for the uninitiated, I am a fan of Los Jankees de Nueva York, but have quite enjoyed the RFK/Nats experience so far). I must warn you, this "preview" is pretty ugly...the Nats finished 2006 71-91, in last place in the NL East, and there is no doubt in my mind they will be worse this year. We're talking 100+ losses bad. Empty ballparks all year long bad (speaking of that, after finishing 11th in attendance in their inaugural 2005 campaign, the Nats plummeted to 21st in attendance last year...losing 7,000 fans a game - they actually drew 1 less fan per game than the equally horrendous Orioles). I admire not wasting $55 million on a Gil Meche this offseason, but Jim Bowden made almost no attempt to improve this team. It's as if management has thrown in the towel on 2007 before it even began. Where to start...The biggest problem (by far) is an absolutely abysmal starting rotation...good lord is it a mess. John Patterson, who missed almost all of 2006 with a forearm injury, is supposed to be the ace of this staff. Great start, eh? Beyond Patterson, look at this band of donkeys competing for spots in the rotation:
Tim Redding - Last seen in the majors in 2005, sporting an 0-6 record and 10.57 ERA.
Joel Hanrahan - Former Dodgers prospect (wow, a minor league All-Star in 2003, awesome).
Colby Lewis - Former Rangers prospect (you seeing a pattern here...MLB team gives up on prospect, Genius Jim thinks "Hey, he's the answer...").
Jerome Williams - I think Swint hates this guy, as did the Cubs AND Giants.
Mike O'Connor - Lefty who was decent last year...which around RFK could mean #2 starter.
Billy Traber - Another middling lefty.
Shawn Hill - Who?
Beltran Perez - Double who?
Jason Bergmann - I looked him up, and he isn't the toolbox we went to college with. But he sucks just as much.
Now, compared to the starting rotation, the bullpen looks World Series ready. Luis "Don't Call Me Juiced-Up Bobby" Ayala is back, and Chad Cordero is a legit closer, despite having the goofiest hat rim in baseball. Cordero saved 29 games last year and 47 in 2005. Plus, they call him The Chief, which is pretty cool. The potential other uniform fillers:
Jon Rauch - Frank Robinson ran Rauch out there 85 times last year. I assure you that will come back to haunt the Nats.
Micha Bowie - Whatever...
Ray King - If Tony LaRussa thinks you're an asshole, well, you must be a tremendous asshat.
Emilian Fruto - They got this kid for Vidro. Supposedly has a live arm and a tremendous changeup. We'll see...
OK, how about the position players? They cant be worse than the pithcers, right? Well...
Jose Vidro is indeed gone, traded to the Mariners...but guess who's back to haunt Nats fans? That's right, Cristian Guzman will be back to ruin 500+ at bats this year...this clown makes $4.5 million a year, hit .219 in 2005 and mercifully didn't play at all last year. Felipe Lopez becomes the new 2B, and I actually like him as a player (decent combination of speed and power).
Well, we have finally found a bright spot...Ryan Zimmerman, 3B. The 22 year old hit .287 with 20 HRs and 110 RBIs in his rookie campaign...including three game-ending hits. He's the real deal...
Private Pyle doppleganger Nick Johnson is still coming off an injury...he lasted until late-September last year without getting hurt. Great job Nick...this means some guy using a fake name (Larry Broadway) will be manning 1B to start the season.The outfield is a also a complete mess (I sound like a broken record, don't I?). RF Austin Kearns has tons of potential and a new contract, so maybe it would be time for him to actually play a full season and produce. Bowden let Soriano go for virtually nothing (I am too lazy to look up the draft picks), so that means the other OF at bats will go to this band of merry idiots:
Ryan Church - Actually, I like Church as a player and never understood why Marlon Byrd kept stealing his PT.
Michael Restovich - Twins and Rockies didn't want you...
Alex Escobar - Whit loves this guy...when someone locates one of his five tools please let me know.
Nook Logan - Exavier Prente Logan is an excellent defensive CF. That's a positive.
Kory Castro - Last but not least is Fidel's kid and the Nats two-time Minor League Player of the Year...hope he makes the opening day roster. Has to be better than non-relative and teammate Bernie Castro.
Behind the plate, Brian Schneider throws out guys about as effectively as Mike Piazza. I am intrigued by the idea of Jesus (Flores) catching a few games this year...I hear he manages a great game.
And finally, look at the dregs on the Nats bench (oh my, Tony Batista was signed today? Wow...I don't even have a joke...)
Robert Fick - If he even makes the team...
Dmitri Young - Complete headcase.
Bernie Castro - ????
What a fucking disaster...
Good luck to the youngest manager in the bigs, 37-year-old Manny Acta (he's replacing Friendly Frank Robinson, 34 years his elder). This is going to be a brutal first year for Acta and Nats fans...let's just hope this new stadium also brings new talent in 2008.
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17 comments:
I believe both Escobar and Traber were hot prospects with the Mets, although I think that was in the 90's, which isn't a good sign.
I didn't expect DC to take to baseball, but at this point, I can't blame them at all. What a disaster of a team. They have 3 guys you can get excited about -- Zimmerman, Cordero, and Patterson. After that, it's a load of garbage.
The refusal to trade Soriano is looking like a disaster, but at least they got the picks. You never know those compensation picks might become. And if you think I'm looking for a way to work David Wright into this post, you're dead on. Thank you Mike Hampton's wife.
In other news, I can get you free tix to Nats games since one of my former co-workers is now assistant ticket manager. Who's up to go to RFK and get hammered when I visit DC this summer?
Oh yeah, Ryan Church's wife is hot and Nick Johnson is a tremendous douche. though he's got a long way to go to reach Bowden status. A VERY long way.
i'm in. maybe it'll help me grow.
I'm in as well...
I figured that would be an easy offer to accept.
I think Fick will play some 1B while Johnson is out. and, on the good news front, I don't think Guzman can play any worse than he did last year--that has to be rock bottom...right?
Well, you would think he can't play any worse than 2005 (he missed all of 2006), but I wouldn't put it past him. Losing your job to a guy named Bernie Castro is gonna suck.
I think the "Cristian Guzman sucks" tag might get even more use than the "rob is tiny" tag.
I'm in for "worse than 2005" with Guzman. Anybody want to bet a couple of beers during the aforementioned Nats game?
Spring training is still an embryo and Nats fans already need to settle for the little things.
Like this: if he makes the team, I will relish -- and very likely beat into the ground -- calling Joel "that pederast Hanrahan" any time I can. Oh, to catch him as he comes up from AAA...
". . . somebody's bucking for a promotion. It's probably that pederast Hanrahan."
Delicious.
You go that route, and I'll head this way:
"Hanrahan, Suzanne sucks pussy. She's a dyke. I know. I know. A lesbian. A lesbian. A lesbian."
...which of course means Tim Hardaway hates Suzanne Hanrahan.
"Jesus H Christ on a popcicle stick..."
"I'm Frieda's boss..."
Kerry Wood simply cannot catch a break:
MESA, Ariz. -- Oft-injured Kerry Wood is out again -- this time because of a flub in a hot tub.
The Chicago Cubs pitcher is not expected to throw off the mound for a few days after he slipped this week getting out of a hot tub at home. Wood landed on his stomach and chest.
. . . speaking of uncoordinated professional athletes.
Uh, which we were doing at Jerry's Wheelhouse.
What's that? Who is this Jerry you speak of?
And today's upcoming hoops picks were done by Rob - let's see if he can top my stellar 6-2 performance last week.
Whit, you're picking next week...
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