...I simply could not in good conscience let this slide. Maybe it’s the fact I’m still in my office right now, maybe it’s the lack of anything good to read on the interweb today, but I find myself compelled to pick on the functionally retarded “work” of ESPN.com’s John Kruk:THOSE ENIGMATIC REDS
There is absolutely no chance in hell John Kruk knows what “enigmatic” means, let alone how to spell it. He definitely shakes down Tim Kurkjian in the hallways for snappy columnette titles.
Right now the Reds are one of the hottest teams in baseball, and it's extremely hard to pinpoint why that is after poring over their stats.
Ok, John, since you're too lazy to click a mouse, let me give it a shot – THEY’RE SECOND IN THE NL IN RUNS SCORED. SECOND IN OBP. SECOND IN SLUGGING % AND FIRST IN OPS. What in god’s name are you talking about, fat man? And wait a second, he spelled pouring wrong…good god... [EDITOR'S NOTE: I spelled it wrong...Kruk's assistant spelled it right. But he's still a moron.]
They are one of the worst defensive teams in the league, they don't pitch particularly well and they strike out too much. That isn't the normal recipe for success in baseball.
Hey JACKASS! Yes, you. 7th in the league in ERA, 6th in WHIP, FIRST in K/BB and, most importantly, FIRST in Wins. When my staff includes such luminaries as Aaron Harang, “Hector” Elizardo Ramirez and Eric Milton, I’d say the numbers above are pretty impressive.
Somehow this team has been able to thrive without any of the normal ingredients for a great season. The Reds have a lot of power in their lineup and can hit the ball out of the park from anywhere in their lineup. Heck, even Bronson Arroyo has a couple dingers this season. Cincy's pitching staff understands what it needs to do to win games. They know they can give up five runs and still get a W because the offense is capable of putting up eight or nine runs.
Well, let’s see. They’re a run-scoring juggernaut who adequately holds the opposition in check...seems like a successful strategy to me.
This team plays with confidence. Every time they step on the field, they believe they are going to win. They smartly imported a couple of veterans who'd been in winning situations before, such as Rich Aurilia, Scott Hatteberg and Eric Milton. Those are guys who've been in the playoffs and know what sacrifices it takes to get there.
I know what he's going for here, but when I think veteran leaders with solid playoff experience I don't think Rich Aurilia (13 postseason games), Scott Hatteberg (14 postseason games) and Eric Milton (started 2 games in the postseason).
If this team keeps up its unorthodox, winning ways, we could see those three veterans in another postseason series.
Thanks, great finish. Can't wait to see those donkeys in October.
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28 comments:
he's an idiot, to be sure, but he did spell 'poring' correctly. that doesn't help your case.
I contend he spelled it wrong:
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=pour
Son of a bitch, I've been corrected twice now. I've made the change...looks like it's:
Kruk 1, TJ 0
I love John Kruk. His strong suit isn't the printed word -- it's when he's sitting there on Baseball Tonight telling stories and giving his opinion, because his appearance and his twang imbue comedic effect into everything he says. His credibility comes from that disheveled visage, like he's just a regular dude who played a lot of games with way more success than you'd reckon by looking at him. They shouldn't even make him wear a tie -- he should be on a couch with a sixer of Schaefer and some pork rinds. They don't make Riggo write articles, nor should they make the Krukker.
Tearing apart John Kruk's online essays isn't worth your time, TJ, even if FJM initiated that pastime. For one thing, calling a self-professed idiot an idiot takes no chances; calling a self-professed genius -- like, say, Rob Russell -- an idiot is more provocative. Concentrate on people whose entry into the sports journalism realm was actually sports journalism and they still reek at it -- they're worthy of a trashing. I know this sounds like I'm giving Joe Morgan a free pass, but his comments are both so consistently misguided as well as arrogant that he's always worth a barb or two.
As for Kruk's point, I think he'd have been better off by breaking his article down to its core:
"The Reds are a good story so far and fun to watch, but there's no reason to believe that they can keep this up. Pitching and defense has been squeaking by, mainly with help from a ton of offense, but they simply don't have the horses to take them places over the long haul. Even if Pujols is out for a while, the Cards run away with it and the Reds drop back. I'll bet anyone a case of beer that the Reds don't make the playoffs."
GTB needs an internet feud with someone...and Harold Reynolds ain't no fun.
However, if I had known about this Friday, well, that would've been fun...
http://blogs.foxsports.com/Dibble/2006/06
/07/Its_my_fault
It's been 12 years since Nordberg decapitated two people:
June 12, 1994 - Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman are stabbed to death. Their bodies found in the front courtyard of the Nicole's condominium in Brentwood.
12 years, wow. For some reason that makes me feel really old. Thank god there's no statute of limitations on murder though, it'd be awful if they weren't able to prosecute when he locates the real killers in a few years.
In other news, I'd tell Kruk that I'd gladly trade Cincinnati's lack of "normal ingredients" for the Braves cupboard of line drives off the face, walking punchlines in the bullpen, and total inability to score an equal number of runs as the opposing team.
Where's Bruno?
The under/over for "Number of weeks until one of us spots Whitney/Bruno on one of Dateline's 'Internet Predator' segments is currently set at 13.5.
Bruno...how about you get your sorry ass out west. I will show you Oakland. You'd like Oakland.
I want to play craps with Joe Kickass and Bruno.
I was guessing that "Greg" was Joe Kickass. I guess that theory is shot.
Joe Kickass, International Man of Mystery...or just Greg.
All of this reminds me of my favorite UF football name...Bam Hardman (actually Hardmon, but whatever).
joe Kickass is Greg...he's just insane...and bored at work.
Craps was my first clue. Dat nigga loves his craps.
Kudos to FreeDarko and Deadspin for this completely ridiculous and unsubstantiated JJ Redick rumor:
"A reliable female undergrad source at Duke has told me that it is a well-known fact that he likes to piss on the ladies. It’s pretty much understood if he takes you home."
I read that this morning. Awesome. Brings new meaning to "making it rain".
Greg,
Blog Detective Geoff Burr can piece together a blog-pseudonym like nobody's business, so don't even try it. It only took him 5 months to figure out Bruno.
I do object to the "Whitney/Bruno" reference, since the password is now public knowledge and random folks are using him, as you can see.
Hey Whitney--looking forward to seeing Rent this weekend with the girls?
I thought it was a good post, Teejay. Don't let those mean guys get to you.
Yeah, the Burr/Lester pissing contest really takes away from my "rip" job of John Kruk. Fucking bastards...there goes my interweb Pulitzer.
Jesus "Geoff", it's Monty Fucking Python already. A true classic. Plus, he's going to be drunk while he's watching it. WAY more drunk than you could ever hope to be. You're not half the man that Whitney is (ngs).
Just figured I'd save Whitney the trouble.
I can't beleive I compromised the integrity of gheorghe. What have I become?
In an unrelated story, Whit and Rob caught on off, off, off, off, off, off, off, off Broadway performace of Le Cage Aux Falles in Burke on their way home from softball last night. It was "marvelous!!!!"
I found it to be shallow and pedantic.
In another unrelated story, TJ Croyle is performing his one-man off-off-Broadway adaptation of "Phantom of the Opera" at Plantation Middle School in Sterling this weekend. It interweaves the traditional "Phantom" plot with his own life, and it's uncanny how similar the two tales really are. Sometimes, we learn, truth is stranger than fiction. Plus, worth mentioning is that the mask TJ's phantom wears is a store-bought OJ Simpson novelty mask.
Early reviews have ranged from "spendid" to "fab." Tickets still available.
No, no, it's an off-off-Broadway musical comedy about a miming Mexican chef named Pepe.
It was the most upsetting experience I;ve ever had at the theatre. Worse than Red Ships of Spain...
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