NFL Grind, With International Flair

The Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy starter kit, otherwise known as the NFL regular season, fast approaches, so let’s visit The Shield’s efforts to simultaneously grow the game and to protect the disposable bipeds, excuse me, the valued human beings that fuel the American sports colossus. 

Commish Roger Goodell recently told a German media outlet that “at some point there will be NFL teams outside the USA. I have no doubt that this will happen one day.” The NFL has played international games for decades and will continue this season with nine games outside the border, beginning with L.A. Rams-San Francisco on Sept. 10 in Melbourne, Australia. Three games are scheduled for London, and there will be games in Rio de Janeiro, Paris, Madrid, Munich and Mexico City. 

Now, when Goodell says “outside the USA,” he doesn’t mean Mexico City and Montreal, he’s thinking Europe. He previously said that he believes London can be home to two franchises. Indeed, the city has hosted 42 games since 2007. The games have been well-received, with last year’s Rams-Jacksonville Jaguars game at Wembley Stadium drawing 86,000 fans and two games at Tottenham Hotspur’s comparatively smaller joint attracting more than 61,000. 

There are beaucoup issues with planting an NFL team flag across the pond. Start with the two biggest questions: Where would they play? And why would one assume that civic interest in occasional NFL games means that it’s sustainable over entire seasons and many years, particularly in places with no historical ties to American football? The NFL stages international games in big soccer stadiums, borrowing the facilities when they aren’t being used or when the home club is on the road. That arrangement is untenable for an entire season, so any transplanted or expansion NFL franchise will need, and probably demand, a dedicated stadium and training facility. 

NFL owners’ practice of extorting sweetheart deals that benefit them is unlikely to go over well on foreign soil (“We’re on the hook for how much? For a stadium that’ll be used nine or ten times a year? Sounds like bollocks to me, mate.”). Logistics concerns are real for a potential foreign franchise. Could a team based outside the U.S. retain players or attract free agents? What about the tax structure overseas? How would that impact player salaries and compensation? Flights across the Atlantic become onerous. There’s a five-hour time difference between London and the East Coast, eight hours – a full sleep cycle – between the U.K. and the West Coast. That kind of regular disruption would be an extra stressor to players and certainly affect performance. 

Speaking of added stress, all this talk of international franchises comes on the heels of adding a 17th game, with an 18th game all but assured within the next few years and little more than lip service about the effects on players’ health. Goodell and NFL brass routinely yammer about how player safety is a top priority, but their actions often say otherwise. Yes, the league now penalizes targeting and headhunting and has outlawed certain kinds of blocks deemed dangerous. Kickoffs have been tweaked and re-tweaked to reduce the battering-ram collisions on those plays. Concussions and head trauma are now taken more seriously, but remember that the league had to be dragged into that position after denying a connection between the game’s violence and brain issues for years. It took some high-profile deaths and diagnoses, along with dogged individual medical researchers, to finally get the league to acknowledge the problem. 

Rest and recovery are vital for player health, but you wouldn’t know it to look at the schedule. Twenty-four of the 32 teams have at least one stretch where they play two games within four or five days. Twenty-two teams have at least one stretch where they’ll play three games in 12 days. Eleven teams have multiple stretches in which they play 3-in-12. Denver and Green Bay have three stretches in which they play three games in 12 days, while Chicago has two 3-in-12 stretches and one in which it plays three games in 13 days. A slew of games at the end of the season are designated as TBA for dates and times, owing to attractive matchups and potential playoff bearings, but that will also affect recovery and quality of play. It all but guarantees that injuries will have an outsized impact and that many teams won’t play close to their best at the end of the season. 

One logical fix is to lengthen the season, not to add more games but more byes and off time and to get closer to the one-game-per-week routine that would give players a fighting chance to stay healthy or to recover and contribute. But instead, we get the inevitable march toward 18 games, Patriots owner Robert Kraft floating the idea of 16 international games per year with every team participating and the accompanying flights and disruption, and a schedule that puts greater emphasis on exposure and not player health and safety. Wager accordingly.

Uncertainty at One Bills Drive

The Buffalo Bills fired their head coach and fellow Tribesman Sean McDermott on Monday.  I don't love this move for several reasons.

First, McDermott is a good head coach.  But much like the practice of law, being an NFL head coach is all about "what have you done for me lately."  Here's how McDermott compares to the best coaches over the last four years and their career Super Bowl records with the best in yellow:

McDermott is no Andy Reid or Nick Sirianni, but he compares favorably with everyone else over the last four years.  He made the playoffs with Tyrod Taylor and Nathan Peterman as his starting QBs for god's sake!  It isn't clear that anyone could do much better.  

Second, as with anything in life, a change can make things better or worse.  It was pretty ugly before McDermott arrived at One Bills Drive going back 30 years:

That's 17 consecutive years without making the playoffs.  From an AFC East perspective they finished in last place 8 times, in the bottom two 16 times, and went 24 years without winning the division.  That was not fun.  You know what was more fun?  Ninety-eight wins, eight playoff appearances and five division titles over nine years.  Will they do as well with Brian Daboll or Mike McCarthy or Klint Kubiak or Joe Brady?  For every Marv Levy or Sean McDermott there's a Mike Mularkey or a Chan Gailey.

Third, a bunch of things outside of McDermott's control cost them this game.  

zdaughter really got into football this season and plays a lot of Madden (which involves drubbing me mercilessly and talking smack about it).  At the end of the first half with 22 seconds left she said "They should run four verticals" and I said "No, they will take a knee."  They did not take a knee, which is on McDermott, but what happened after the snap is not on McDermott.

Allen should've thrown this away, or slid, or really done anything other than carry the ball like a loaf of bread.  McDermott didn't cause that fumble, or fail to recover it, or kick the FG for Denver.

I know that zdaughter is a real Bills fan because she woke up on Sunday still pissed off about the Brandon Cooks play.

Even this guy in a Celtics shirt says the Bills got ripped off and he brings the receipts with the same fact pattern but a different outcome in the Rams/Bears game.

Real Bills fans know that it isn't fair to besmirch someone based on another person's failures.

Fourth, there's no clear choice to replace McDermott.  

The last time I did one of these posts I talked about coaches with rings, or CWR.  No coach ever won a Super Bowl with two different teams despite the fact that there have been LIX (that's 59 for you math majors) opportunities to do so.  As a result I don't want a CWR so that rules out John Harbaugh (who isn't available), Mike Tomlin (who wants to take the year off and would require sending draft picks to the Steelers), and Mike McCarthy (who doesn't get me excited and probably wants to go home to Pittsburgh anyway).

The Pegulas' goal appears to be getting to the Super Bowl ASAP.  Only seven coaches reached the Super Bowl in their first year with a team:

• Don McCafferty with the 1970 Colts.  They won.  McCafferty was the Colts' offensive backfield coach in 1969.
• Red Miller with the 1977 Broncos.  They lost.  Miller was the Patriots' OL coach in 1976 (that's a crazy career upgrade by the way).
• George Seifert with the 1989 49ers.  They won (for the second year in a row) with a stacked roster including six Pro Bowlers, three first team All Pros, and the league MVP (and at least five future Hall of Famers).  Seifert was the Niners' DC in 1988.
• Bill Callahan with the 2002 Raiders.  This team was stacked with Rich Gannon (league MVP), Jerry Rice and Tim Brown, two first team All Pros on the offensive line, Rod Woodson, Charles Woodson, Bill Romanowski, and Sam Adams (the DT not the brewer).  Callahan was the Raiders' OC in 2001 and they lost to ...
• John Gruden with the 2002 Bucs.  He was the Raiders' HC in 2001.  This defense was one of the best ever with Warren Sapp, Simeon Rice, Ronde Barber, John Lynch, Derrick Brooks, and Booger McFarland.  Sapp, Barber, Lynch and Brooks are HOFers.
• Jim Caldwell with the 2009 Colts.  They lost.  Like Seifert, he was on the team's staff the prior year (assistant HC/QB coach) and he took over a stacked roster that won it all a few years previously including seven Pro Bowlers, three first team All Pros, and the league MVP (and at least two future Hall of Famers).
• Gary Kubiak with the 2015 Broncos.  They won thanks to arguably the league's best defense featuring five Pro Bowlers and one first team All Pro.  Peyton Manning's withered husk started 9 games going 7-2, completing 59.8% of his passes for 9 TD and 17 INT.  Brock Ostweiler chipped in 5 wins, 10 TD and 6 INT along the way.  Kubiak was Baltimore's OC in 2014 and he had a history with Denver as their backup QB in the 1980s.

So what's the best comp for this Bills team?  

The roster is not stacked--they do have three Pro Bowlers (Allen, James Cook, Dion Dawkins) but they have no speed at receiver, the defensive line has no one fearsome (despite spending lots of draft capital there), the defensive backs are shaky (despite spending lots of draft capital there) and always injured, two of their starting OL are free agents, and they will be more than $7.6m over the cap (due in not insignificant part to Allen's $56m cap hit, up from $36m this year).

The coaching staff has talent.  Bobby Babich put together the top pass defense (despite all the injuries) but the run defense was like a sieve.  Joe Brady would maintain Tribal continuity and he assembled a top five offense three years in a row.  But neither are as seasoned as Seifert or Callahan.

The closest match I can see is the 2002 Bucs--they were very good on one side of the ball--so I'm looking for a good head coach (or coordinator with head coaching experience) who didn't break through yet.   Looking closer at history, Gruden and Kubiak were offensive coaches who won Super Bowls as head coaches with dominant defenses so maybe the Bills need to hire someone who came up as a DC like Leslie Frazier (former Bills DC), Vic Fangio, or Steve Spagnuolo, but they're old as hell, so Vance Joseph, Robert Saleh, or Brian Flores.  For shits and giggles I'll give Anthony Campanile a shoutout because Fair Lawn and Don Bosco.

Ultimately though, they will probably hire Brian Daboll because Josh Allen loves him and that's as good a reason as any.  I don't love that hire (I watched him coach a lot of bad Giants losses) but I'll hope for the best.

Turns Out 'The Shield' Isn't Just a League Nickname

It’s both disappointing and understandable that revelations about the jackery between the National Football League and its Players Association haven’t taken hold or stoked greater outrage. Labor-management disputes between the rich and uber-rich often don’t move the needle unless it results in an interruption in service, and the June-July window is tailor-made for indifference toward tackle football off-field issues. 

We’re almost a month past the initial report from professional busybody Pablo Torre that the league and the NFLPA agreed not to disclose details of an arbitration ruling on salaries to the membership, i.e., the players. The Players Association sought to determine whether the league and owners colluded to deny guaranteed contracts in the wake of the Cleveland Browns’ mega-deal with quarterback Deshaun Watson in 2022, a contract worth $230 million in fully guaranteed money. Collusion regarding contracts violates the league’s collective bargaining agreement with the PA and could result in compensation and damages to players who negotiated new deals. 

Arbitrator Chris Droney ruled last January that there wasn’t sufficient evidence to prove collusion in quarterback contracts, and most players were told simply that the PA had lost the case. However, in his final report, Droney concluded that the PA demonstrated that Commish Roger Goodell and league general counsel Jeff Pash urged owners to restrict guaranteed contracts and money going forward. That little detail wasn’t made public because of an unusual confidentiality agreement that PA management struck with league officials. 

It didn’t surface until Torre obtained the full 61-page report roughly six months later and released it, which smacked the gobs of many players and their attorneys and representatives and prompted questions such as: Who’s working for whom? Adding to the intrigue – stench, if you prefer – NFLPA executive director Lloyd Howell Jr., is also a paid, part-time consultant for a private equity firm that’s been given the go-ahead to pursue minority ownership stakes in NFL teams. He is also on the board of a multi-billion-dollar licensing firm that works with athletes’ name, image and likeness concerns founded by the NFLPA and Major League Baseball Players Association and whose finances are currently under Federal investigation. 

Prior to joining the NFLPA, Howell was chief financial officer at Booz Allen Hamilton, the Bigfoot D.C.-area based intelligence and defense contractor known for its broad reach and recently for a $377 million settlement in 2023 for fraudulently billing the U.S. government over a decade. He was a board member of General Electric HealthCare and Moody’s Corporation and was a trustee at the University of Pennsylvania, his alma mater. In short, his background is neither in football locker rooms or sharp-elbowed labor law.

 All that said, NFLPA honchos were jazzed when he became the head guy in 2023, believing that his corporate connections and boardroom acumen fit present-day major league sports administration. Fast forward to Jan. 2025. After Howell’s brokered, incomplete debriefing of the arbitration ruling, he reportedly criticized his predecessor, DeMaurice Smith, for “wasting resources” on the complaint, which was originally filed in Oct. 2022. 

It’s curious, then, that after Torre’s public release of the report and subsequent reporting by ESPN and others that the NFLPA decided to appeal the ruling. No word on why the PA waited six months to appeal or what changed that suddenly made the legal battle worth continuing, though you might hazard a guess or two. 

Union busting has a long and undistinguished history here in the Republic dating back to the Industrial Revolution and the late 19th century, as corporate titans tried their damnedest to prevent radical changes such as eight-hour workdays and living wages and safer conditions. In 21st century America, management-labor disputes in professional sports are often viewed as a piefight between millionaires and billionaires. Since most folks don’t travel in those neighborhoods, they dismiss the conflicts as some gilded penthouse squabbles and want both sides to shut up and deliver the games. 

I’d argue that it’s the same struggle, simply on a different scale. The tactics are similar – public relations blitzes, intimidation, threats, lawsuits, strikes, lockouts. One helpful comparison to differentiate between the two sides is to remember that one million seconds is 11 days; one billion seconds is 31 years. Hardly a fair fight. Billionaires, with corporate backing and resources, have outsized leverage that even millionaire laborers cannot hope to counter without collective bargaining and legal protections. Factor in the reality that athletes have a limited work and earnings window – the average NFL career lasts 3.3 years, according to recent data – and it behooves them and their representatives not to go nuclear and thus risk their careers, since in the end they are replaceable and the league and owners can always outlast them. 

As well compensated as players are, the deck remains stacked in favor of management. When those whose job it is to advocate for labor agree to zip it when management deals from the bottom of the deck and occasionally palms the cards, well, others are watching to see how it’s done. Doesn’t bode well for most of us.

A (Not So) Small Request for the Shield

The National Football League didn’t become an American sports colossus by hibernating in the offseason. The Shield manipulates the calendar and turns even innocuous goings-on into events: player draft; scouting combine; schedule release; free agency window; owners’ meetings; rule changes; Jerry Jones eyelid tucks. Factor individual team issues into the mix, and hardly a week goes by without some tackle football news. 

Team Pro-Pigpile

The NFL’s latest intrusion on our attention spans came courtesy of the recent Spring owners’ meetings in Minnesota and word that the Philadelphia Eagles could continue to torment defenses in short-yardage situations with their Tush Push, or in Philly parlance, the Brotherly Shove. By extension, other teams may also attempt to duplicate what the Eagles routinely pull off. That they will almost certainly be less successful is likely to cement positions in the pro- and con- pigpile camps. 

The Green Bay Packers submitted the anti-TP proposal this go ‘round. Word was that the Eagles’ signature play was doomed, that there were enough owners sufficiently cheesed off to vote to ban the play (75 percent, or 24 of 32, is required to implement or change legislation). In the end, however, only 22 owners voted to ban. So, the majority of league owners remain against the play, but not enough to outlaw it.

Commissioner Roger Goodell reportedly is not a fan of the play, as well, but since he serves at the pleasure of the owners, he is in no position to go all Putin as it pertains to on-field activities. One argument from various corners of the league against the Tush Push is that it’s a threat to player safety, which is a big, steaming pile of disingenuous. 

First, the NFL admits there’s no data supporting that claim. Former Eagles All-Pro center-turned-media celebrity Jason Kelce, who advocated for the play at the Spring meetings, has said elsewhere he believes injuries are less likely to occur during the TP because a coordinated group shove among a small crowd of large humans fully aware of what’s coming is less violent than random full speed collisions. Frankly, any time league mouthpieces trot out player safety arguments, your antennae should start to twitch. 

Recall that the Shield fought for years against concussion and brain trauma findings, despite mounting evidence and a string of high-profile deaths to former players. The league finally agreed to financial settlements for victims only because courts ordered it to do so. Hurdles and obstacles existed for players to receive payments, including conditions related to race that made it more difficult for black players to qualify for certain levels of payouts, a swell look for a league with a majority African-American labor force. 

The league also is so concerned with player safety that it added a 17th game in 2021 and is likely on the way to an 18-game schedule, as Goodell floated to ESPN bleating tank top Pat McAfee last April. Adding two games means that in a span of four years, players will be subjected to an extra half-season of potential injury, related to the long-time 16-game schedule, not counting the additional wear and tear of playoff appearances. “The key thing for us is looking at making sure we continue to do the things that make our game safer,” Goodell said later in a May 2024 piece on NFL.com. “Seventeen games is a long season, so we want to make sure we look at that and make sure that we continue the safety efforts.” 

The NFL’s “safety efforts” apparently don’t include in-season scheduling, either. Twenty-six teams will play games on short rest and recovery. Twenty teams will play three games over the course of 11, 12 or 13 days. Cincinnati, Detroit, Kansas City, Miami, Minnesota and Seattle each have two stretches in which they will play three games in 12 days. The Baltimore Ravens have a 3-in-12 stretch and another in which they will play two games in five days, as do the LA Rams. Buffalo has two stretches where it will play two games in five days. The Eagles will play three games in 11 days from late September into early October. Dallas will play three games in 11 days in November, and two games in five days in late December. 

The league self-congratulates for updated concussion protocols and penalties against head-hunting and outlawing chop-blocks and crackback blocks and altering the execution of kickoffs, all while increasing the number of games and limiting recovery time in pursuit of more money and even greater exposure. 

Mmm, omelette

One counter to the injury concern is that football is a violent game and players are well compensated. Everyone knows the risks and is free to pursue and follow less brutal endeavors. Fair enough. However, would a little more honesty kill anyone? Wait, maybe re-phrase that. A little more transparency wouldn’t hurt and probably wouldn’t change anyone’s mind, either. Something along the lines of: Look, we made a hash of brain trauma and CTE and we haven’t always been sympathetic to player concerns, but we’re trying to do better. We intend to fill your weeks and months with football because all the numbers and interest say you want it. Unfortunately, that means stretching the limits of player health and conditioning in some cases and could mean adverse results for your favorite players and teams. Omelettes and breaking eggs, and all that. Thank you for your consideration. 

How hard was that?

Ch-Ch-Changes

Humans are a curious lot. Kind and cruel, generous and selfish, adventurous and timid, welcoming and intolerant, yin and yang. Complex creatures. Or, less charitably, contradictions with feet. We are wonderfully adaptive yet often averse to change unless it benefits us directly, in society and even in our diversions. 

Get me a fat guy with a chain, he said

The start of football season provides a small reminder that some practices die hard and persist for no good reason. The technology exists to measure the length of golf shots to the inch, to separate race finishers by thousandths of a second, to call balls and strikes consistently, to determine whether an attacker’s shoulder was behind a defender when a pass was struck for offside in soccer. Yet for a couple of its elemental components, football still relies on a field official eyeballing ball placement and two fat guys carrying a ten-yard length of chain attached to two poles. 

Seems less than ideal and a mite archaic, witness Afghan villagers who say, “Chain? Poles? Dibs on that.” It's not as if football is stuck in the 1950s. We’ve had replay for years and slo-mo, hi-def looks at whether a receiver got his feet in bounds and if a ball carrier’s knee touched the ground before he fumbled. The NFL has computer tablets with in-game pics and printouts on the sidelines and in-helmet communication on the field. Third-down and long-yardage tendencies are available with a few clicks. Sensors and miniature mobile devices, wearable technology, track speed and performance and bodily functions. Training and recovery practices are well beyond cold and hot tubs. The league has finally come around to concussion concerns, albeit slowly and reluctantly. But two of the game’s fundamental features – Where should the ball be placed? Did the offense advance ten yards? – are decided pretty much identically to how it was done seventy years ago. 

It’s a little like doctors embracing the medical innovation and equipment of recent years yet still falling back on rectal thermometers [NOTE: That's the example you chose?] and bloodletting. Granted, coaches may challenge the spot of the ball, just as they can fumbles and receptions and incompletions. It shouldn’t come to that. 

For something as basic as ball placement, there should be as little ambiguity as possible. The field official should have an earpiece with a direct line of communication to Command Central, with all its TV monitors and angles and replays. When he spots the ball after a play, the person at HQ gives a thumbs-up if he got it right, or if he didn’t: “Not there. Move it back a foot.” Ninety percent of the time those calls aren’t critical, since most plays conclude well short of or well past the ten-yard threshold. But on third- and fourth-down plays, and inches short or inches converted, exactitude is of some importance. When HQ determines where the ball should be spotted on first down, it also knows precisely where ten yards downfield is. It isn’t left to a guy trying to get the spot right among tangled bodies and high emotions, and then a couple guys schlepping the chain across the field trying to measure accurately. 

Yes, a bit of drama is lost when fans don’t get to see the chain stretched out on the Jumbotron or on the flatscreen at home signifying that a team did or didn’t make a first down. Do you want a moment of theater, or do you want to get it right? The potential criticism that giving ball spots and contested third- and fourth-down conversions to “the booth” or HQ will further disrupt game flow doesn’t exactly hold water. Football is already chopped up like an elementary school music recital – usually six or seven seconds of action followed by 30 seconds of huddles and substitutions, never mind the TV commercial breaks, replay reviews, injury interruptions and Tom Brady hawking diet supplements and self-improvement programs. 

The NFL gets into the weeds all the time with peripheral stuff. Spare us tweaked kickoff formations and altered overtime rules for postseason and mind-numbing explanations about “When is a catch a catch?” and “Did he complete a football play?” Address the basics and let the players take care of the rest. That and maybe Jerry Jones in a dunking booth during Super Bowl Week – something both optimists and grumps could get behind.

NFL Malaise

I’ve enjoyed football since I was a kid. Played it in youth leagues and in the neighborhood. Loved the Colts – Baltimore version – growing up in Maryland. Eventually wrote about the game, and other sports, as a professional career. 

In recent years, however, I’ve become increasingly disaffected by the NFL. I still pay passing attention to scores and standings. I read about players and teams and trends. I know guys who cover the league for different media outlets and who work for the Players’ Association. I still marvel at the athleticism and am intrigued by tactics and schemes. I might have a game on TV, but rarely watch closely; it’s often on in the background with the sound down or in another room so that I may catch a couple plays or check a score. 

For me, it’s harder and harder to square the game with the practices and personalities of those who run it. Loathsome team owners. Shameful attention to players’ health, particularly concussions and long-term brain injury. Indefensible behavior regarding sexual assault and domestic violence. 

Many in the audience are sports fans and have their own loyalties and levels of interest. I have no desire to persuade you one way or the other. There are plenty of outlets for more comprehensive examination of issues than an aging, cynical keyboard jockey, so I’ll just offer some observations. 

Our multi-tiered system of justice is alive and well in the NFL. Who you are and how well you do your job count for much more than your crimes and transgressions. That’s why franchise quarterback Deshaun Watson gets $230 million in guaranteed money and an 11-game suspension despite serial lechery that would have given Hugh Hefner pause, while rookie punter Matt Araiza gets dumped by the Bills after a rape allegation that they supposedly knew about goes public. It’s why the Dolphins’ Tyreek Hill cuffs around his son’s mother more than once, as well as his toddler son, and still ends up with a nine-figure contract. It’s why Antonio Brown kept getting chances despite a beach full of red flags. It’s why the Bengals’ Joe Mixon remains employed, and why the Steelers and yinzers everywhere keep their blinders on so that they may worship Ben Roethlisberger. 

Watson’s case exposed the NFL’s incompetence, some would say indifference, toward addressing sexual assault. Commish Roger Goodell and NFL brass sought an indefinite suspension, reportedly a full season, due to the magnitude and number of women who accused Watson of inappropriate sexual behavior. Watson and the NFL Players’ Association hoped for something far less. Third-party arbitrator and former Federal judge Sue Robinson found that Watson likely committed sexual assault and violated the league’s personal conduct policy by undermining the integrity of the NFL, yet she handed down only a six-game suspension. 

The outrage was predictable and justified. 

I’ll let the G:TB legal staff parse Robinson’s ruling, but I’d argue that she spun the mirror around to face the NFL and flipped on the lights. She pointed out that, guilt aside, the NFL’s Collective Bargaining Agreement doesn’t define sexual assault, nor does it define the transgression of creating a danger to the safety of others. Bound by fairness and precedent in prior cases, she couldn’t simply conjure up a more “appropriate” punishment. She conveyed, essentially, that because the NFL had done such a piss-poor job dealing with sexual assault in the past and had no discipline structure in place, she wasn’t going to be the one to let them off the hook. 

Goodell and the NFLPA were forced to come up with something else, so they split the difference, hence the 11-game suspension and nominal fine – still, an absurdly meager punishment. With 11 games now as precedent in a case involving two dozen accusers, good luck getting anything approximating justice in the future. 

The Tua Tagovailoa situation highlights another concern. No need to rehash the particulars, but suffice to say that a quarterback laid out and exhibiting signs of severe head trauma in front of the entire football-watching world was potentially disastrous. According to several reports, the NFL will tighten concussion protocols and expand the leeway for docs and medical people to remove players from games. That’s a good thing. There’s no question that the league has made strides in the area of head trauma and brain injury, but unfortunately it’s mostly been under threat of lawsuits and public scrutiny. 

Remember that for years the league denied any connection between the game and the proliferation of brain injury, chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) and cognitive impairment among retired players. The work of a handful of doctors and researchers, several high-profile suicides, and a growing chorus of retirees finally tipped the scales in just the past decade. Rather than risk a trial, the NFL settled with thousands of former players and created a fund that gave them access to millions of dollars for medical conditions related to head trauma. 

However, many former players complain that money isn’t as easy to obtain as it should be, and it was revealed a few years ago that the league used an algorithm that made it more difficult for black retirees to receive settlement money than white retirees. The system previously in place until just last year started with the assumption that black men have lower cognitive skills than whites, so it was harder to show a decline and qualify for payments. Not a good look for a league in which 58 percent of the players are black. 

Being an NFL fan requires something of a moral compromise. In a study published in the Journal of American Medical Association in July 2017, CTE was found in 99 percent of the brains of deceased NFL players who donated them to science – 110 of 111 examined. 

So, our entertainment is tied to a sport whose inherent violence creates overwhelming odds that its participants will experience some level of cognitive decline later in life. We can comfort ourselves with the fact that the league has reduced the number and severity of big hits through both penalty and practice, that players are increasingly aware of the risks when they suit up, that they’re well compensated for those risks. The rationalization machine works overtime. 

Speaking of rationalizations, it’s common practice to root for teams while trashing team owners. The NFL doesn’t have a monopoly on dirtbag owners (Helloooo, Robert Sarver! Howdy-doo, Jeff Loria! Hey there, Jimmy Dolan!), but there’s plenty of animus to go around. The Bengals’ Mike Brown is notoriously cheap and petty, yet lucked into a Super Bowl after several good drafts and a second-half brain lock by the Chiefs. Rams owner Stan Kroenke pledged to keep the team in St. Louis, until he didn’t. Three playoff wins since 1996 haven’t convinced Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to fire the GM – himself – and quit acting as if he’d accomplished something this century. Former Panthers owner and founder Jerry Richardson had a statue of himself put up outside the stadium amid allegations and hefty financial settlements for sexism and racism. New Broncos owner Rob Walton couldn’t be bothered to learn how to pronounce Goodell’s name properly at his intro presser, which was yet another tell about who exactly works for whom. 

But I’ll leave you with this: after creating and enabling a toxic, misogynistic workplace to which dozens of former employees spoke, after grossly mismanaging a franchise for decades, after fleecing and alienating fans and local government, after an NFL investigation that he slow-walked and whose results were never made public, the only casualty in the probe of Washington owner Dan Snyder and the franchise remains a guy working 2,400 miles away – Raiders coach Jon Gruden. Apparently, the toxicity matters only when it spills into the vault. All the above doesn’t even get into the Colin Kaepernick situation, rampant nepotism within the coaching ranks, and the dearth of black head coaches, which the Washington Post examined in a recent deep dive. 

Thank goodness college football is untainted.

NFL Playoffs Open Thread

The NFL playoffs start today!  My beloved Bills kick off at 1:05 pm against the Colts.  Both zkids will be out of the house until 2:45 so I will be able to enjoy most of the game without being heckled for food or Robux.

I'm a little nervous.  Josh Allen played amazing football this year, but the last time he played in a playoff game he took at least 18 months off my life with this play:

via Gfycat

And I'm not being hyperbolic.  Apparently I made all sorts of loud crazy/angry noises, prompting zwoman to run into the room.  She found me on my knees, pulling my hair, with my face tomato red like our friend ED209.  I blacked out for a few seconds of that tantrum.  My cardiologist wasn't happy.

Hopefully Allen won't do stupid stuff like that today.

The other angst-inducing aspect of this game is the Frank Reich factor.  When I raised this issue to a few friends from high school, my boy Lumpy Kris, aka Willie Lump Lump, posited "Frank Reich should walk onto the field with his cock out!!! I'm Frank Reich, I own this place!"

The Colts are kinda vanilla, they don't do anything particularly well on offense but they average 28.2 points per game, good for ninth best in the league.  Their defense allows the tenth fewest points per game, so they're well balanced.  This might not be an easy game.  Hopefully Reich keeps his cock in his pants.

Watch along with me and mock me in the comments.

Make G:TB Great Again: A Bills Season Preview, Alternatively Titled Zut Alors, C'est le Football Américain!

While we're all eager to celebrate all things football, this year's opening Sunday falls on a somber anniversary. I hope you find the time to reflect on that day and everything you've been fortunate to experience since then.

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Now back to our regularly scheduled dipshittery.

Robert Mays beat me to the punch as to why the Bills will stink this year. In a nutshell, their defense lost Pro Bowler Marcell Dareus to rehab, first and second round picks Shaq Lawson and Reggie Ragland to injuries, jawbreaker IK Enempkali to injury, Nigel Bradham to the Eagles, and Mario Williams to the team's general stupidity. And they cut Manny Lawson.

Accordingly, I am not optimistic that they will improve on last year's 8-8 record. In fact, here's how I see things unfolding weekly.

Most of these columns are self-explanatory, except for the "why" column, which I will explain.

"west coast" means that the Bills will lose the game because it's on the west coast. In the Pacific time zone, Buffalo is 16-36-1 all-time; 5-15 in their last twenty games; 2-9 since 2000; and 0-5 in their last five games. I see no reason for optimism in any of the road trips to Seattle (one of the best three teams in football with serious home field advantage), Oakland (everyone's favorite up-and-coming team), or LA (fearsome pass rush, Todd Gurley).

Running tally of losses: 3

"pats" means that the Bills will lose the game because it's against the Pats. Against the Patriots, Buffalo is 4-28 since 2000; 2-18 in their last twenty games; and had a fifteen game losing streak from 2003 to 2010. The week 4 game will feature Jimmy Garappolo instead of Tom Brady, but Buffalo will lose anyway because it's at Gillette. In away games versus the Pats, the Bills are 20-36 all-time; 2-14 since 2000; 3-17 in their last 20 games; and had a twelve game losing streak from 2001 to 2013. Think about that last factoid--that span includes both of W's terms, all of Obama's first term and a year of his second term! I see no reason for optimism in these two games.

Running tally of losses: 5

"pitt" means that the Bills will lose the game because it's against the Steelers. Against Pittsburgh, Buffalo is 8-13 all-time; 0-5 since 2000; 2-8 in their last ten games; and 1-8 all-time at Pittsburgh. The Steelers have won 61 games in the past six years. By contrast, the Bills have won 59 games in the past nine seasons. I see no reason for optimism in an away game versus Pittsburgh.

Running tally of losses: 6

"jets split" means that the Bills will split the series against the Jets because they are the Bills and Jets. Against the Jets, Buffalo is 17-15 since 2000 and 10-10 in their last twenty games. On the road against the Jets, the Bills are 27-28 all-time; 10-10 since 2000; and 8-12 in their last 20 games. Buffalo won the last five games in this series and the math makes it appear that this trend can't continue much longer.

Running tally of losses: 7

"fish split" means that the Bills will split the series against the Fish because they are the Bills and Fish. Against Miami, the Bills are 17-15 since 2000 and 12-8 in their last 20 games. In games played in Miami, the Bills are merely 17-32-1 all-time but 7-9 since 2000; 8-12 in their last 20 games; and 5-5 in their last ten games. Hence I predict a split. Miami will lose in Buffalo because the game will be played on December 24. I guarantee that the weather will be brutally cold (hence the "cold" in the "why" column) and will make the Floridians want to get back on the plane as soon as possible. Except for Jay Fiedler, they will also be unhappy that they have to travel western New York to play a game on Christmas Eve in a frozen wasteland of unemployment and alcoholism instead of celebrating the birth of the messiah with family and friends in beautiful south Florida.

Running tally of losses: 8

"good team" means that the Bills will lose the game because it's against a good team. The Bengals made the playoffs five years running, with 52 wins over that span. By contrast, the Bills won 52 games over the past eight years and haven't made the playoffs in sixteen years. The Cardinals are no slouch either, with 34 wins and two playoff appearances over the past three seasons. I see no reason for optimism in an away game versus Cincy or any game against the Cardinals.

Running tally of losses: 10

I think they can beat the Niners at home and the Ravens in Baltimore because they are bad teams, even badder than the Bills. They'll beat Cleveland because Cleveland used all its mojo up with the Cavaliers. I have no idea why they'll beat Jacksonville, I guess I'm just not picking up what the Jaguars are putting down. Splits with the Jets and Fish account for the other two wins.

So the Bills will go 6-10. If I'm in a really optimistic mood I might convince myself that Buffalo can sweep the Jets and Dolphins. Thus even my most optimistic view is another 8-8 season.

I'm happier to hear, and even encourage, rosier predictions for the Bills in the comments. But I don't expect any.

I Know It When I See It, and I See You Austin Murphy!

"I know it when I see it" isn't a particularly impressive legal test--it's possibly the most subjective line of reasoning anyone could put forth to justify an outcome. But sometimes it just works.

For example, when I introduced "Blurred Lines" to G:TB just over three years ago, I said "If 'Blurred Lines' doesn't sample Michael Jackson's 'Whew!' and rip off Marvin Gaye's 'Got to Give it Up' then I'm Quincy Jones." Marvin Gaye's kids probably read G:TB because they sued Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams for copyright infringement and won. I knew it when I saw it!

When the New York Times reported on the case, they said "the music industry has been gripped by a lawsuit over whether Robin Thicke’s 2013 hit 'Blurred Lines' was merely reminiscent of a song by Marvin Gaye, or had crossed the line into plagiarism." The line between reminiscence and plagiarism has again been blurred at G:TB.



Three and a half years ago, rob wrote a post about rubgy and the NFL. To call it a post doesn't do the piece justice. It's like calling David a statue of a naked guy. It's so good that one particularly erudite commenter said "This is fucking brilliant."

The piece is set in 2030 and it opens with the contrivance that rubgy has passed the NFL in popularity. Although the NFL still exists, more people watch the rugby championship than they do the Super Bowl. Along the way it quotes Ta-Nehisi Coates, cites various concussion-related events that took place before the real date on which the piece was written, and references the fictitious "upstart American Rugby League."

Three days ago, Austin Murphy wrote a piece for www.si.com about the future of football. The piece is set in 2036 and it opens with the contrivance that rugby has passed the NFL in popularity. The NFL no longer exists, so instead of watching the Super Bowl people watch rugby. Along the way it quotes Ta-Nehisi Coates, cites various concussion-related events that took place before the real date on which the piece was written, and references the fictitious "American Rugby League."

Blurred lines indeed. I know it when I see it.

One Buc Place

As I'm sure everyone who regularly read this blog knows, I come from a family of FSU alumni and fans. Both of my older sisters attended FSU with the oldest beginning her tenure in Tallahassee in 1989. This particular sister is 12 years my elder. As a result of this, as well as the fact that my parents are both highly involved parents and big sports fans, I spent much of my adolescence attending Florida State University Football games. In that sense, I've been pretty lucky. I've seen some very memorable FSU games against the likes of Florida, Notre Dame, Clemson and Miami among others.

Among all the games I attended, two stand out more than the rest. The first is the "Choke at Doak". A game where Steve Spurrier's visiting Gator team took a 31-3 lead into the fourth quarter before allowing 28 unanswered points to the Seminoles in a game that ended in a tie. I sat in the student section that day next to my sister who is 6 years older than me. I was not yet a Florida student or fan. It was awesome. One of the most amazing late game comebacks of all time and I got to see it happen.



The second game that stands out wasn't nearly as good. Nor was it as well played. This game stood out for an entirely different reason. Dominance. The dominance of one player. That player was Warren Sapp.

Growing up, I went to a lot of FSU-Miami games. It was the best rivalry in college football, by far, and it happened to always fall within a couple days of my birthday during the second week of October. So in 1994, my sister Penny (6 years older) bought us tickets to go to the FSU-Miami game at the Orange Bowl. Obviously this was a fantastic birthday present.

I must state here that the Orange Bowl was a total dump. It was old, creaky and it smelled like piss. It also happened to reside in one of the worst neighborhoods in Miami. With all that said, the place was awesome. Especially for Saturday night games. The game FSU-Miami game in 1994 pitted the #3 Seminoles against the #13 Hurricanes and kickoff was at 8 pm. The Orange Bowl was electric that night. I was probably one of about 20 sober people in the whole place. It was loud, it was hostile and it was great.



Now, like most football fans in their mid-teens I didn't yet have a deep appreciation of the game. I paid more attention to the so called skill positions players. Wide receivers, defensive backs, running backs, etc. But everything changed that night. That night Warren Sapp absolutely took apart an extremely talented FSU offense. It felt like he did everything. And every time her made a play, the Miami band played the The Imperial March. It was the first time I had ever heard it used at a sporting event and holy shit was it cool. After that night I paid a lot more attention to the rest of Warren Sapp's games. And to line play in football in general. For a number of reasons, its a night I'll never forget.

As I mentioned earlier, my family is full of sports fans. Not everybody in my family is a fan of all the same teams, But everybody in my family is a fan of the same two teams. The St. Louis Cardinals. And the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Everybody in my family other than myself was born in St. Louis. And in 1973, they all moved to Clearwater, FL. In 1976 my parents became original Buccaneer season ticket holders. Setting me up for a childhood filled with long Sunday drives across the state (and back) to bake in the sun and watch the Bucs get their brains beat in my nearly everyone in the NFL. It's hard to overstate how bad the Bucs were. They were a joke. I don't mean that metaphorically. Growing up, I only knew one other kid who was a Bucs fan (we're still friends to this day). Think about that for a second. In a town nearly equidistant from Tampa and Miami only one other kid besides me liked the Bucs. I don't blame them either. The Dolphins were good. And they were cool. Dan Marino. Duper and Clayton. I wouldn't have rooted for the Bucs either. I didnt have a choice.

And eventually, I didn't think they'd ever be any good. Then the Bucs drafted Warren Sapp and Derrick Brooks with the 12th and 28th picks of the first round. Within a matter of months, the entire future of the Tampa Bay Buccaneer franchise changed forever. When Tony Dungy came aboard as the head coach the following year, the franchise changed forever.

Because of my experiences watching both Warren Sapp and Derrick Brooks dominate opponents on the collegiate level I was extremely optimistic about their chances in the NFL. But I had no idea how quickly they would put their imprint on the franchise. You know the rest. Eventually the Bucs won a Super Bowl, which was awesome. Sapp and Brooks anchored a historically great defense that could possibly put as many as five guys in the Hall of Fame (Brooks is a lock. Ronde Barber is close to a lock. John Lynch gets in eventually. And I think Simeon Rice does one day too.)

All of this was a extremely long winded way to say that I love Warren Sapp. And I'm happy he's in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. I had the chance to go to the Hall of Fame as well as the Hall of Fame Game in 2002 at the tail end of my internship in Cleveland. It was a pretty cool experience. I took my picture next to the bust honoring the only Buccaneer in the Hall of Fame, Lee Roy Selmon. Now Lee Roy isn't a trivia question. There's another Buccaneer in the Hall.

And so the NFL regualr season ends today...

Enjoy the Week 17 games boys and girls.

And hey, look at these pompoms!