Some Thoughts on Chest Hair

I am hairy.  Not the hairiest among us but hairier than most.  Bushy arms and legs, a spray of hair across my shoulders, preposterously lush ruffs sprouting from each armpit.  And chest hair.  Lustrous and long enough to braid.

Chest hair puts complex demands on men with respect to fashion but guys like me manage to soldier through.  Walt Whitman did too, he was proud of the “scented herbage of my breast” and so am I.

I've always felt that this made me superior to the hairless, and now I have proof.  Men with hairy chests are smarter than those with glabrous sternums!  We are also more attractive to women--albeit older women.  I am living proof of both.  My father even once remarked "Why are all these old women into you?"  (We worked at the same place and I was popular with ladies nearing retirement age.)

Women who don't like men with chest hair likely live in places with lots of ectoparasites, and that's fine with me because it cuts both ways.  Women who draw men with chest hair are more likely to have positive attitudes towards sex.  Taken together, this means I attract women who like to have sex and who don't have fleas or lice.

So I have the last laugh on all you tonsured tools who mocked my hairiness!