There is an official mantra at this blog about not taking things seriously or something like that. I can't be bothered to check in the manual to find out what it really is. And I guess there is some sort of unofficial vibe that this is a place to visit to escape the stress/annoyance/ennui of the real world. So content that is put up here should check these boxes.
But sometimes it can't. Because sometimes the content needs to show that we will stand up for the things we have conviction in. Even if the conviction is a palpable mix of fear and loathing that runs through every vein in your body, a feeling that dates back to November 2016, to a moment that feels like the beginning of the end of everything you ever felt comfortable about in your previous life.
I am speaking, of course, of the worst pop song of all-time. A song that wormholed its way into my head when I first heard it, and occasionally pops up on that gawdawful SiriusXM station The Blend that my 7 year-old occasionally requests.A song that a good friend called "a tsunami of douche". I love that phrase and have no idea what it means.
The song is Play That Song. The band is the tsunami of douche otherwise knows as Train. The first time I heard this song, I thought it might be a sex groove. After all, what would you think if you heard the line "Play that song, the one that makes me go all night long"? But is far from a sex groove. Far, far far from it. Instead, it is a make-your-johnson-shrivel-inward-like-the-head-of-a-frightened-tortoise kinda tune. It takes the classic piano riff Heart and Soul, strips away everything authentic and sincere about it, and adds layers of cheese, synth and sadness to create something terrible.
The video below speaks louder than my alcohol-soaked verbiage can. It is just so goddamn awful that it makes me want to cry and punch something. The addition of the piano rug at the 2:20 mark, a sad, sad, sad call-back to Big, somehow makes this whole thing even worse. I wouldn't bet on the lead singer in a fight against a piece of corn in Robert Loggia's feces, let alone against Josh Baskin. Over 12 million folks have watched this video. That makes me all kinds of sad. This song is not catchy in a good way or a bad way, like the jammer Pen Pineapple Apple Pen. It just...is.
If you did not know this song existed and resent me for bringing it to your attention, just remember that I am showing you a side of this American society that is very real. And very sad.
I am sorry for ruining your week with this post. The only antidote I have is some unadulterated rock and roll. So enjoy the tune below and try to unhear the tune above. Screw you, Train.
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
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18 comments:
Nice, TR. Here's hoping Phil Lynott is not resting in peace but rocking the halls of heaven so loudly the gates of Saint Peter are rattling.
Train. Bleh. "Meet Virginia" was relatively tolerable 90's alt-pop-rock that fared way better commercially than it deserved, with a chorus reminiscent of the ever-plummeting Goo Goo Dolls. "Drops of Jupiter" did even better; harmless enough synthy lite rock emo. "Hey, Soul Sister" ensured we will never hear the end of this band. Catchy in the bad way you describe this new song (like the herps) and ubiquitously played or sung a capella by my adolescent daughters, aficionados of Disney Radio, and male fans of Project Runway. And now this. Jesus, that video is strikingly awful.
Eh, it's the free market economy at work. More dreck that will make money and perpetuate this caliber of music emanating through the virtual airwaves for years and years. Sad!
Also, I was sifting through Train tunes on Spotify as I wrote that comment, forgetting that my friends can see what I'm listening to. There goes my last remaining shred of street cred. Time for some Fugazi.
Or ORF Rock! Check out our playlists on FB. We can be a salve for those whom Train sounds like brakes screeching wheels on rails.
And after yesterday's vote, not only will your friends see your searching for Train'wreck' songs but your ISP could sell your browsing history to anyone. Meaning more Train ads and songs pushed to you! Now that is winning!
I was indifferent with respect to Train until I found out, via this post, that they are the proprietors of that song. Now I hate them.
Whitney's comment about the free market economy at work reminds me why CBS is the top-rated network... Poor taste is satiated and perpetuated.
There's no accounting for taste.
Latin proverb, humorously applied to politics nearly 100 years ago by Will Rogers, never more true than in the Billboard charts and Nielsen ratings of 2017.
I thought hate got KO'd by love?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnmPDzyLMU4
Love's in need of love today.
Seems like the world could use more 70's Stevie these days. (Not 80's Stevie.)
Was there ever a time when the world didn't need more 70's Stevie? And I know you wouldn't, but don't overlook mid-to-late 60's Stevie.
Word. "You Met Your Match," "For Once in My Life," "I Was Made to Love Her," "My Cherie Amour," and lots more. My favorite mash-up of all time is Uptight (Everything's Alright) and Rock the Casbah. So good.
I love Uptight (Everything's Alright) and that mashup is without a doubt the best thing I've seen or heard in 2017.
...but Stevie's output from, say, 1970-76 is just unbelievable. 7 albums in 7 years, and Songs in the Key of Life in '76 was a double album. Hits galore, but the album tracks are also exceptional. So prolific it's Beatle-esque.
stop talking about train and start listening to s-town, the new serial-style podcast (that blows serial away).
are you guys listening yet?
I thought you guys meant 70's era Stevie Nicks. For realz. And I didn't understand the vitriol for her "Stand Back" era solo career.
I'm more of an "Edge of Seventeen" guy.
Are you there God? It's me, TR.
i'm 3.5 episodes in. unflagging and fantastic. modern flannery'o'connor, for realz.
Just finished S-Town. Omfg. Dave did you finish? Wow.
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