I'll be subsisting on Jello, coffee, broth, and water today, and I can't have anything at all tomorrow morning. Beginning at 4:00 PM today, I'll be cranking 12 oz. of SuPrep and 80 oz. of water to Roto Rooter my insides. Then, tomorrow, a doctor's going to knock me out and shove a tube up my ass.
I'm doing this for you, friends.
You see, my family's got a history of lots of different kinds of cancers, chief among them colon, with esophageal and prostate running close behind. As a result, my doctor suggested that I accelerate the normal timeline for men to get their shit checked out (literally, I guess), and I'm scheduled for my second colonoscopy tomorrow. The first one was a thing of beauty. The pictures, anyway. My colon's a kaleidoscopic marvel. I'll spare you actual visual.
So if I'm cranky online today, you'll understand why. Just remember that I'm sacrificing so that you'll have me around for a good long while, and make sure you ask your doctor about your own colonic health. The life you save may be your own.
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30 comments:
Pics please!
"Using the whole fist, doc?"
ESPN will be axing on-air talent. Who would your top choices be? Off the top of my head, mine would be Mel Kiper Jr, Dick Vitale and Merrill Hoge.
outside of maybe jalen rose, taylor twellman, jason williams, jay bilas, and mark schlereth, i could stand to see them let go just about any of their former ballplayer talent.
We have that same box of items at our house. My wife was scheduled for one this Friday but they pushed it out till next week.
'pushed it out' maybe not the best choice of words here.
jason chaffetz seems like a compassionate dude
Based on the video clip I saw he sounds pro-choice.
indeed, he's all for allowing the poors a choice between eating and getting medical treatment.
My other choice of words were, 'letting is ooze over to next week' or maybe 'slide over to next week'. Which instantly triggers INXS "Need You Tonight' into my head.
Newark has improved its lot in life, from the airport perspective anyway. Sitting getting on an unintentional day drunk at one of the many self-order via ipad sitting areas, which give you the option of paying with miles. So, for me to have 2 beers and a sandwich would cost me almost 4000 miles. I say that's fucking robbery. You can typically get one airline ticket for 25,000 miles. By that math, if I had the time and could sit here and consume say another 9 or 10 beers, and if you throw in a delay is totally possible, I'd then be foregoing a free ticket somewhere? Nice try United. Dickbags.
If you got those miles travelling for work, and work paid for the ticket, then is seems like you're daydrinking on someone else's dime. I'm all in favor of negativity in general, but my exceptions definitely include free drinks.
So I stupidly breezed through TR's comment and misread it:
"ESPN will be axing on-air talent. Who would your top choices be? Off the top of my head, mine would be Mel Kiper Jr, Dick Vitale and Merrill Hoge."
My eyes ignored the words "will be axing" thought he was asking Rob what ESPN on-air talent he would want broadcasting his colonoscopy. I then thought the names thrown out there were curious.
All-time sportscasters for Rob's colonoscopy play-by-play and color commentary?
I think a collective of Cosell, Raftery, and Tommy Smyth would be exciting, but if Rob wants cool class and calm insight, Scully and Garagiola really know the ins and outs of the game.
Personally I am getting Stu Nahan, Johnny Miller, and Al Michaels for my next one.
"No polyps... do you believe in miracles? Yes!"
(seriously, good luck, Rob)
Stephen A. Smith discussing rob's colonoscopy on First Take wold be top-notch entertainment
John Thompson, Doc Walker and Al Koken. "Look at that colon! It's a beast!"
good luck, rob. i'm surprised they're knocking you out for this, considering.
i laughed.
anyone else excited for the west coast conference final tonight? anyone else excited to watch the first half and fall asleep because he hasn't had any real food?
When I got my c-scopy, I tried SO HARD to stay awake when they gassed me. I just remember it was the most glorious two seconds of my life. Just like when I lost my virginity.
A&E HD has an Intervention w/ a man addicted to computer duster. On now!
You were unconscious when you lost your virginity? To a guy who knocked you out with computer duster?
Geek Squad really delivers, I guess
This is amusing:
THE RISE, FALL, AND RISE OF ZUBAZ, THE PANTS YOU LOVE AND/OR HATE
http://www.vocativ.com/falsestart/407480/zubaz-road-warriors/
successfully roto rooted. i'm told by the docs not to make any decisions for 24 hours. so need you guys to tell me if you want to see the pics.
The "SUPREP BOWEL prep kit" looks a lot like "SUPER BOWL prep kit." But very different. Think that's by design?
not reading carefully and accepting an invitation to a suprep bowel party would be a mistake i wouldn't care to make.
what barcelona just did
The L.A. Times in an article about the Chili Peppers' return to their hometown for three shows, beginning last night:
"This was the first of three sold-out concerts at the big downtown arena, a remarkable play for a veteran group that hasn’t had a real pop hit in years."
Um...
Hey, "rock journalist"...
From Billboard in August 2016:
Let’s call it the triple crown: "Dark Necessities" has now hit No. 1 on all three rock airplay charts -- Alternative Songs, Mainstream Rock Songs and Adult Alternative Songs -- a feat accomplished by only four songs (the Chili Peppers’ new single included) since Adult Alternative Songs began as a Triple A radio-monitoring chart on Jan. 20, 1996.
I know shabby rock knowledge among those with by-lines shouldn't bother me, but it does.
And the Washington football club is horrifyingly awful all of a sudden. To review:
- GM Scot McCloughan hasn't been seen in ages. Nobody knows where he is. For real. Free agency is going on without him.
- Kirk Cousins will be paid the equivalent of some countries GDP next season because the front office sat on signing him. And he wants out. He wants to go to San Fran. But the Skins have no upper hand and will get shit in return. And Snyder hates Kyle Shanahan so he won't deal with the one team that might give something decent. Best QB the Skins have had in 30 years and they have soiled themselves. The owner and his team of semi-trained monkeys like Bruce Allen need to be shipped out of the country (Trump's SS could do it) just for this issue.
- They DID re-sign Vernon Davis, the 33-year-old 2nd TE to a 3 yr $15MM deal. What?
- After they extended Jay Gruden's contract by 2 years. Which nobody wanted.
It goes on. I won't. 4-12 might be optimistic unless something different happens. The rumors are that McCloughan is drinking again, but it certainly seems like it's a pre-St. Patty's drunken shitshow of poorly made car bombs and stupid green beer amateur hour throughout the entire front office.
Green beer is not stupid. It makes photos look better when you force a 19 y/o kid to chug it until he vomits into a large garbage can.
So I've heard.
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