We've all had to deal with erections. Ry Williams handles them for a living, specifically dinosaur erections. Williams is a self-described "dinosaur erection specialist" at Dino Lab in British Columbia, where he couples his training as a welder with his love of dinosaurs to erect their skeletal remains in lifelike positions.
And some not-so-lifelike positions.
Yes, that's a dinosaur tea party. Williams is rightfully proud of this particular erection--it took him three years to get it up. It was a challenging mount! And a meaningful one too. "A real T. rex and a real Triceratops sitting down and having tea together," he said. "The most iconic enemies in the history of the planet having a conversation. I think the world needs that kind of message right now."
We could all learn a thing or two from Williams's poignant erection.
Leonard Marshall played defensive tackle for the New York Giants for 10 years, and for the Jets and R**skins for one season each. He went to the Pro Bowl twice, he was named NFL Defensive Lineman of the Year twice, he won the Super Bowl twice (including XXV against my beloved Bills), and he almost killed Joe Montana once.
He recorded 83.5 sacks and 711 tackles. It's safe to say that he had a good career in football.
Like many retired professional athletes, Marshall began a career in business after hanging up his cleats. In particular, Marshall became the Director of Strategic Initiatives and Brand Ambassador for ED Healthcare LLC, a pharmaceutical company that specializes in the manufacture of sildenafil (the active ingredient in Viagra) to treat erectile dysfunction. To put it another way, Marshall started selling boner pills. At the price of $4.95 a pill! Through telephonic hotlines! He now lives on Prospect Avenue in Hackensack, NJ.
I know this because Marshall filed a complaint in the Superior Court of New Jersey, Essex County Division, against ED Healthcare alleging that he was fired for telling the CEO that two female employees said they were sexually harassed by one of the EVPs. According to the complaint, the CEO "explicitly stated to [Marshall] that he was terminating [Marshall] because [Marshall] had conveyed the aforesaid sexual harassment complaints to him." Apparently the EVP was particularly terrible to one woman, he allegedly "repeatedly touched her breasts, asked for pictures of her in sleep wear, put his hand up her skirt, and used sexually explicit language ...." This is bad stuff but are we surprised given that this company sells hard-ons? Maybe he was all hopped up on boner pills? Or he was just trying to act presidential?
The plot thickens: "In further retaliation for [Marshall's] protected activity, Defendants cut [Marshall] out of all financial benefits due him from sales of Sildenafil by and on behalf of ED." I bet he isn't the first guy to be cut off due to ED. Marshall also claims that he "suffered and continues to suffer career damage, economic loss, damage to his reputation and emotional distress, as well as physical pain and suffering." I guess selling boner pills didn't damage his reputation? And his 12 year stint in the NFL didn't lead to any physical pain?
In fact, his 12 year stint in the NFL did lead to physical pain as Marshall described in this interview where he advocates for legalizing marijuana. Actually that's not 100% accurate--Marshall advocated for legalizing cannabidiol, a marijuana extract sold by ... wait for it ... a company owned by the CEO of ED Healthcare! It all comes full circle (or maybe it doesn't if you've been cut off from your sildenafil supply).
I suspect that all this and more will come up in Marshall's deposition, and it won't go smoothly. I'll update you as the case firms up.
My youngest daughter's team split a pair of soccer matches yesterday, dropping a 1-0 decision in the morning before recovering from an early one-goal deficit to record a 3-1 win in an afternoon tilt. The goal that determined the outcome of the first match was a reasonably weak one, as gifted 10 year-old goalkeepers are a rare breed, indeed.
The loss in the first game came at the hands of a club that beat our squad, 4-1, in regular season play last Fall. One of those four tallies was an own goal off the foot of my daughter. She was playing an outside midfield position, and tracked back to defend her goal. As she sprinted towards the 6-yard box, a teammate cleared the ball off the end line, directly into her path. She hammered a gorgeous volley cleanly into the upper corner of her team's net.
She was distraught, breaking down in tears on the spot, even though her team was down 4-0 at the time. In the car on the way home, we talked about own goals, and how even the world's best players fall victim to the game's bad bounces. Her favorite professional player, Steven Gerrard, might've cost his team a Premiership championship with his own boner this month.
In her honor, and in an effort to bring good luck to her and her teammates as they take on a much better side this morning with a berth in the tournament semifinals on the line, a pair of videos detailing some of soccer's worst own goals. Because we all kick the ball off of our faces into the net in life every once in a while.
We don't often get serious in this space, but on occasion we find it important to change the tone, to put down our noisemakers and silly toys and provide sober commentary on the issues of the day. Many in the G:TB are parents, or will soon be. As ostensibly upstanding members of our various communities, the lessons we impart upon our children are vital, both to their wellbeing and to the ways in which they engage the world.
In this the first installment of our Parenting Chronicles (and given our editorial strategy, I'm quite certain there will be at least 1-3 more installments), we bring you a lesson in fatherly communication. The image below depicts a text exchange I had with my wife just last evening. My wife's texts are in white, mine in blue. Don't let your enjoyment cloud the obvious and important takeaway:
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