Friday, December 21, 2012

Holiday Road

In the spirit of filling up this holiday season with good cheer, here's a brief ode to the joys of seasonal travel, inspired by the Doofus Overlord's travel tweeting:

Posted by rob at 10:10 AM
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58 comments:

T.J. said...

Amtrak wifi won't let me access this clip...oh the irony

10:39 AM, December 21, 2012
Jerry said...

Looks like TJ is writing Volume One of "Angry Man Leaves House for First Time."

10:44 AM, December 21, 2012
Jerry said...

"What the hell are these things walking around in front of the train station? Pigeons? I thought birds are supposed to fly. Shit."

10:50 AM, December 21, 2012
Jerry said...

"These crackers are too crunchy. Shit. FU Amtrak."

10:53 AM, December 21, 2012
T.J. said...

Waterball

11:00 AM, December 21, 2012
rob said...

good time for my bank's website to be under a three-day ddos attack. nice work protecting your systems, bank folk. i'm going to go out and spend a shitload of money today and blame it on the hackers.

11:00 AM, December 21, 2012
T.J. said...

Also, the snozzberries taste like snozzberries

11:01 AM, December 21, 2012
Jerry said...

"Wilmington sucks. How about a fresh coat of paint. FU Amtrak drive somewhere nicer."

11:03 AM, December 21, 2012
T.J. said...

Now entering the cesspool that is Nueva Jersey. Fuck this place.

11:06 AM, December 21, 2012
Jerry said...

Jersey has the fastest train tracks per square mile in the country.

11:09 AM, December 21, 2012
zman said...

Except the one I rode on today, which travelled at 0 MPH for about 15 minutes.

11:15 AM, December 21, 2012
T.J. said...

From my twitter timeline, sounds like the NRA just put on one hell of an (awful) presser

11:16 AM, December 21, 2012
Shlara said...

Is anyone else watching this NRA presser?? It's unreal.

THOSE KIDS WERE FIRST GRADERS!!!
SIX AND SEVEN YEARS OLD!!

11:19 AM, December 21, 2012
Clarence said...

What's the theme of the NRA press conference? Asking in sincerity, as I will not be watching any of it for multiple reasons.

11:25 AM, December 21, 2012
Shlara said...

Here's the quote that you will hear all day:

"The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun."

11:26 AM, December 21, 2012
Dave said...

playing "waterball" against yourself is pathological.

11:27 AM, December 21, 2012
Dave said...

the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is socialized, accessible, and proactive mental health care for both children and adults.

i guess that's not as catchy.

11:29 AM, December 21, 2012
Mark said...

Not nearly, Dave.

Completely unrelated, Jerry- have you watched any of this years version of The Association? Features the Nets this year. Good behind the scenes stuff. Andray Blatche comes off as extremely likable. Much to TJ's chagrin, I'm sure.

11:35 AM, December 21, 2012
Shlara said...

oh, and they have two major action steps:

1. An armed guard in every school
2. A database of all mentally ill people in the US

11:36 AM, December 21, 2012
T.J. said...

Andray Blatche can fuck off

11:38 AM, December 21, 2012
Clarence said...

Oh, good. The wild west where every man, woman, and child has a firearm. And every time someone loses their temper, they can resort to using their gun instead of their voice or bare hands. And the murder rate can escalate super-high, but we'll grow desensitized to it.

The local paper here had the VA governor quoted as saying we may need to arm educators in the Commonwealth. This is comedy, right?

11:42 AM, December 21, 2012
rob said...

are you fucking kidding me, shlara?

11:43 AM, December 21, 2012
Jerry said...

Well this just went from fun to not fun.

Haven't seen The Association - I might sit down and watch a bunch of them sometime.

The only time I've heard Blatche talk was during a hard-hitting interview about giving the Nets bench a nickname, where it was indicated that he wanted to call them The Bench Mob. The interviewer asked him if it was a problem that Chicago already had that name and he responded with something like, "Nahh...we da Bench Mob. That's what I'm sayin. Bench Mob. We gotta be The Bench Mob. It don't matter about nothing else. I sayin we da The Bench Mob. It's the Bench Mob"

Bottom line - Andray Blatche is awesome and I kind of want to get his jersey. And the Nets are really sucking, which has made me want the Rangers back.

11:44 AM, December 21, 2012
Shlara said...

Re: Blatche
My sources tell me that he's SUPER nice, means well, but is an immature kncuklehead

11:50 AM, December 21, 2012
Clarence said...

Shlara, you can stop pretending you're talking about Blatche. I'm right here.

11:53 AM, December 21, 2012
Clarence said...

Jerry, I'm sorry and I promise I'll go back to dipshittery in a second...

On the mentally ill question, there's not really a catch-all category of "mentally ill," there are many, many degrees of emotional, intellectual, developmental, and mental conditions and disorders. Not sure what the threshold is at which you get put into a database. Stupid. And by the way, there's a whole lot of privacy act information that won't be turned over.

And pretending that every gun crime is committed by someone who has been officially diagnosed as mentally ill is as ludicrous as... well, anything else they are insinuating in the NRA. Trying to solve the over-arching problem doesn't mean you fixate on critical but not cause-effect aspects of the perpetrator, meaning just because this one kid had previously identified emotional problems doesn't mean that's where you start. It would be like investigating all people with dietary quirks after Dahmer got busted. Millions of people in the world have some sort of mental condition, but only one went and blew away a bunch of schoolchildren.

The next time someone isn't a sociopath but kills his wife because of the more acceptable human condition of jealousy, will we put all people who have shown some level of having a temper or whose wives are accessibly hot or who come from Italian, Irish, or Latin lineage in a database?

Argh. I'll shut up now.

12:09 PM, December 21, 2012
Marls said...

Im all for putting the Italians in a database. Can't trust those swarthy folk.

1:04 PM, December 21, 2012
Clarence said...

Jeez, sorry to kill the mood. Gonna put my camera phone down my pants and get a couple of holiday snaps so as to elevate the spirit once again.

1:05 PM, December 21, 2012
Clarence said...

Speaking of which, ladies of GTB, I am sad to say my gifts to you all will not make it to you by the 25th. Got an email that the Trojan Twister is backordered, so please stay tuned and make do however until they come in.

1:08 PM, December 21, 2012
zman said...

I suspect that won't work in light of HIPAA but maybe I'm wrong. I feel very strongly about gun control for some intensely personal reasons that I will not get into here during Gheorghemas. But from a practical standpoint, (1) my town now needs to hire trained guards and arm them, as opposed to hiring more trained teachers?!? and (2) how will a database prevent a lunatic from picking up a gun and killing people?!?!

1:15 PM, December 21, 2012
Danimal said...

if you're a friend of factcheck on the old facebook, you might be as as astounded as i that 88.8% of the people in this country own at least one gun (2007 data, up from 84% in 2001). in the words of eddie griswold, "are you serious clarke?"

1:31 PM, December 21, 2012
Clarence said...

Clark has no e at the end and Eddie's last name is not Griswold. He's Ellen's cousin's husband. Come on, Dan!

How many among GTB and FOGTB own a gun?

That 88 number seems higher than Teej on National PBJ Day, but I have no idea.

2:18 PM, December 21, 2012
Mark said...

That number does seem really high. None of my close friends own guns. Though we did have about a dozen stashed in a floor safe in my house in college because one of my roomate's brothers was a gun enthusiast and a long haul trucker and he didn't want to leave them unattended at his house.

Only two of us knew about the guns though because our other roommate was a little off and we didn't think he needed to know.

And yes, my house in college had a floor safe. Gainesville is awesome, y'all.

2:40 PM, December 21, 2012
mayhugh said...

I am in the 88 percent, but I haven't fired one of mine since I was college aged and I personally would not keep them in my house.

Skeet shooting is fun and makes me feel somewhat outdoorsy, and I don't get that feeling often.

3:16 PM, December 21, 2012
Danimal said...

i own two guns. you can see 'em at this year's gun show.

where's the veterinarian's office because these pythons are sick!!!!

i own no metal guns.

3:22 PM, December 21, 2012
Jerry said...

Just turned on the TV which was tuned to WGN, I guess to record a 30 Rock last night, to see Chuck Norris talking to a chick on a boat. The plot summary on the guide says simply, "Walker poses as a suave cocaine dealer."

3:22 PM, December 21, 2012
Danimal said...

and damn you clarence!

3:24 PM, December 21, 2012
zman said...

The 88.8 number, as I understand it, is a per capita number. So there are 89 guns for every 100 people in the US. The percentage of people who own guns is much lower, I think around 60%, give or take 9%. Higher in red states than blue.

3:26 PM, December 21, 2012
Dave said...

if they armed me at school, i'd be leaving my gun all over the place -- forgetting it in the cafeteria, etc. it would be a trainwreck.

3:55 PM, December 21, 2012
rob said...

per gallup, 40% of americans have guns in the home (http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/ezra-klein/files/2012/07/gun-ownership-declining1.png), a number that has declined substantially since 1970.

3:56 PM, December 21, 2012
rob said...

in related news, i just had a meeting at the local youth soccer club, of which i'm a board member. the club's offices are next door to a gun shop. the gun shop was motherfucking packed, both when i went into the meeting and when i left it. my obama sticker was a conspicuous outlier amongst the multiple anti-obama messages on the other cars. seldom seen a more stark illustration of the two americas.

4:01 PM, December 21, 2012
rob said...

that statistic should actually read 40% of american households have guns. slightly different than the way i framed it. apologies for the lies, damn lies, etc.

but there were a lot of motherfuckers buying guns in leesburg today before comrade obama issues an executive order making them illegal and mandating gay marriage for everyone.

4:16 PM, December 21, 2012
rob said...

clarence, first 2500 fans at tonight's admirals game receive replica calder cup rings. that'd make a great stocking stuffer.

4:37 PM, December 21, 2012
Clarence said...

Rob, appreciate the tip but I just threw on the tux and have not one but three soirees to attend. First is in Va Beach, hosted by my lovely divorce attorney who's had a crush on me since 1979. Might be singing involved. Definitely kissing. Second is a debutante ball where we will load up on free Jameson. We meaning I. Shake some hands, take some shots. Maybe dance inappropriately with my friend's 20-year-old daughter, the sexy one in the strapless gown. Never mind, need to cool it since that's exactly what I did last year. Third is a party to celebrate the end of the world and our engagement, which are not unrelated, mind you. Party is at friends' place who replaced living room with indoor pool. Last time I swam there I did relay races against the hostess, naked, of course. Probable repeat, although with 140 people on the guest list I do hope the blue diamond I took kicks in or I'll just be proclaiming my shortcomings mass media style.

Stay tuned!

6:01 PM, December 21, 2012
rob said...

clarence's idea of campaigning for office seems a lot like bill clinton's

6:23 PM, December 21, 2012
Squeaky said...

My older brother owns multiple guns including a bushwacker, that's what I'm calling it.

When he moved to Charleston, SC and I helped, he made a point of showing me how to load each gun (3 rifles and 3 handguns) and told me what each one cost in the odd chance he died. I'm the executor of his will. What the fuck am I going to do with those guns other than sell them when he leaves this mortal coil.

I own no guns, metal or otherwise.

6:23 PM, December 21, 2012
Mark said...

I find it interesting how many guns most gun enthusiasts own. Not because I really care about guns but because guns are fucking expensive. Like really expensive.

6:39 PM, December 21, 2012
rob said...

taking my neighbor's kid to a high school hoops game so his parents can have a date night. 4 girls at my house having sleepovers. i win.

7:20 PM, December 21, 2012
rob said...

dennis' brother and dad are coaching the visiting team. gtb semi-summit.

7:52 PM, December 21, 2012
Danimal said...

How bout a little Beef O'Brady's action heh fellas?! Get some.

Clarence....

7:54 PM, December 21, 2012
Danimal said...

Thx for the drink rec

8:11 PM, December 21, 2012
mayhugh said...

I'm laid up with gout and watching Beef O'Brady's Bowl. Somewhat ironic. I don't like the effect of the participants' respective color schemes; kind of hurts my eyes.

I do like this Blake Bortles chap. I'll preempt the announcers and say he has a high motor.

8:38 PM, December 21, 2012
mayhugh said...

One last NRA presser comment from me - I did enjoy the NRA rep's shameless finger pointing at the R-rated movies and violent video games, specifically calling out Mortal Combat and Grant Theft Auto. First off, MK is a pretty dated reference. And last I heard those games are also available in Canada (Rock Star, the maker of Grand Theft Auto, has a large corporate presence in Vancouver) and other countries with very rare occurrences of gun violence.

8:44 PM, December 21, 2012
Mark said...

The wife and I are getting drunk and wrapping presents tonight. Started with a 22 of Arrogant Bastard. Now on to whiskey. The late night presents may be somewhat less presentable.

10:52 PM, December 21, 2012
rob said...

questlove's top 50 hip hop songs of alltime is a playlist on spotify now. you're welcome.

9:23 AM, December 22, 2012
rob said...

the tribe did what solid programs are supposed to do last night, drumming salisbury by 33.

now, purdue and vandy.

11:20 AM, December 22, 2012
zman said...

Joe Strummer died 10 years ago today. Too bad he has no fans here who could write a post about him.

2:24 PM, December 22, 2012
rob said...

day 8, posted. it's sure to answer a lot of questions.

3:03 PM, December 22, 2012

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