Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Six

On the sixth day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me:

Six Facts O'Ghoogling...
Five Lasting Images
Four Things to Think About
Three catastrophe staches
The Finest Holiday Duet in History
And One Hell of a bloggy Par-ty

The Ghoogles is one of my favorite recurring bits on this site that actually recur, so despite my procrastination in recent days I knew we needed to get a Gheorghemas Ghoogles Day up, and soon. So below, rather than just list all of the searches for a recent time period that led the nomads of the internet to G:TB, I thought I would attempt to break down our place in the SEO Universe a bit more, with the usual ghoogles ghoodness thrown in (and yes, the "h" is getting added to all g-words in this post). Stats, numbers and screengrabs all come from Google Analytics and the work of our unpaid intern, PIMPBOT 5000.

1. The Power of G:TB (is a curious thing - make a one man weak, make another man sing)
I'm pretty proud of this one. If you ghoogle that ghod awful song "Christmas Eve in Washington", G:TB is the 4th item listed. On all the interwebs, we are 4th. I also enjoy that the title of the post is "Death to 'It's Christmas Eve in Washington", and anyone looking for that schmaltzy crap for real will likely see that post title. The song sucks, people, y u no listen to me?

2. The G:TB Experts List, sponsored by Holiday Inn Express
Over the years, whether by accident or on purpose, internet searchers have found our little corner of the blogosphere (perhaps) helpful on these myriad topics:
  • nasal polyps
  • peeps diorama
  • Eddie Money
  • circus peanuts
  • Matthew Clemmens
  • Droopy Dog
  • van der waals forces
  • thoughts on mustaches
  • Jack Urbont
  • devo
  • vajazzling
  • 1980s baseball cards
  • worst rock songs ever
  • "andre agassi" meathead
  • caa hoops
3. Posts of Popularity
I don't want anyone to get a big head (well, too late for Clarence), but just for the hell of it, I ran the numbers on our most popular posts. Unfortunately, it only tracks back to 2008, but here is that list. Almost all of the editorial staff is represented in this list, with zman I believe appearing the most in this list below. Also, how disappointed were people when they ghoogled "Hurrricane Igor" and simply ended up here.

4. Where the White Women At?
I don't want anyone to ever claim we are sexist, because based on the Ghoogles we talk about quite a few ladies, and often enough that we are driving traffic to our site, somehow, with their mentions. Some of these dames include:
  • Zooey Deschanel (in particular, her legs)
  • Brigitte Bardot (for the blue hairs)
  • Janet Jones Gretzky (hot...and addicted to gambling)
  • Gaetane Thinney
  • Rachel Glandorf
  • Bea Hamel
  • Greg McElroy's sister
  • Zoltan Mesko's girlfriend
  • Judy Tenuta
  • And last, but not least, Dennis' college girlfriend (name redacted, for the sake of the lass)
5. They're Digging in the Wrong Place
Internet ghoogler, if you ended up at G:TB for any of the searches below, we are very sorry we were unable to serve you. Also, seek help, immediately:
  • Mike Magnante's pension
  • lady spartan soccer waxes
  • can white men jump ethnicity genes culture and success
  • was kevin youkilis in summer catch
  • how to draw quagmire
  • cyclist boner
  • mumford and sons tattoo
  • 1979 camaro (cue Wheelhouse Jerry accent)
  • russ francis gay
6. In the Beginning...there was Alfonso Ribeiro shirtless
I'm pretty sure there would be no Ghoogles recurring bit if it weren't for my reaction the first time I looked at searched for G:TB...and the aforementioned Mr. Ribeiro was mentioned, repeatedly, preferably without a top on. The funny thing is, I don't think there is a single picture of Carlton without a shirt on the blog***. Keep up the good work, Ghoogle algorithm. And thank you, Alfonso, for the gift of ghoogles.

***I stand corrected. This's...well, just check it out:


Danimal said...

if any feedback can be gathered here, it would be pretty groovy.

wide receivers are:
crabtree vs sea & miles austin vs nola - they will start

others - golden taint vs san fran; torrey smith vs nyg; heyward-bey vs car; WHICH ONE?

backs are: spiller vs mia; bradshaw vs balt; also have ingram vs dal; spiller will start fo sho

in my w/r spot is bush vs buff

tight end is gresham (cinci) vs pit; i picked up gronk this week on waivers vs jags... ASSUMING GRONK PLAYS WHICH LOOKING LIKE HE WILL....WHICH ONE?

i'm a heavy underdog - 30 some points - he has a. peterson AND foster. fuckin cheater.

let's bring this home gtb. i'll share the title with you. NO JOKE.

rob said...

is that...ribeiro, jamie-lynn sigler, and joey fatone? i sure hope so.

T.J. said...

F torrey smith. that guy has been useless all season.

rob said...

someone in your league cut gronk? can we join for next year? that seems like easy money.

rob said...

completely concur with teej's opinion of torrey smith. fuck that guy. also, fuck leshon mccoy, mjd, and mike wallace.

T.J. said...

rob...that is indeed carlton, meadow and the fat dude from that boy band

Clarence said...

LeSean. It's French-Irish.

Clarence said...

And the three people in that picture seem rather oily for being so washed up.

T.J. said...


T.J. said...

Ingram is an invisible man most games for NO - I think you need to start Bradshaw if healthy.

Clarence said...

And Danimal, I will be glad to lend my fantasy football advice. I'm pretty decent at doing so, I did the same for a colleague during the first few weeks of the season, as she had never played fantasy football before -- didn't really know anything about football -- and therefore didn't really know what she was doing. After a few weeks she got the hang of it and didn't need my advice any more. But I am glad to step in and help you out, my friend.

Danimal said...

clarence - are you comparing me to your colleague? the girl who knows nothing about football? i didn't think so but just checkin. don't be shy buddy - step on in! i must win this game. this league is loaded w/sec'rs/nd haters. i must beat them.

so if not torrey, then taint? heyward-bey? they are all so damn inconsistent...looking for one of those funky flukey weeks.

i'm w/ya on bradshaw but if he's a "go" he's very banged up.

and gronk - playing him vs gresham is risk/reward this week, no?

Danimal said...

torrey has had 3 shit games in a row telling me he could be due. or not.

Dave said...

the saddest thing of all is when people google something and to referred to a ghooghles post about how this is not the place to find information about the googled topic. nice work, teej, it's always good to be reminded of the power of g:tb.

Clarence said...

No, Danimal, I wasn't doing that. Not at all.

zman said...

I cannot believe that 10,000+ people read my post on bitterness.

Squeaky said...

Only one post from the last two years on that list. I guess twitter has taken its toll on this blog.

rob said...

surly! furious!

Mark said...

Furious Styles?

T.J. said...

Stiles Stilinski?