Friday, March 04, 2011


We're breaking new ground, blogging in motion from southbound I-95 on the way to catch the Baby Wrens' CAA Tournament first rounder against JMU. In the spirit of our poorly conceived and badly executed previews from years past, we're channeling Quentin Tarantino to bring you the 2011 CAA Tournament, Pulp Fiction-style.

Game 1
(9) Georgia State vs. (8) UNCW

Most previews are completed before games are played. We're avant garde like a motherfucker. This game's over. Georgia State as Tim Roth's incompetent armed robber (the Panthers showed an equal amount of skill and smarts in their pre-tournament firing of Rod Barnes) took out UNCW, in the role of Zed, by a 58-52 count. Zed's dead, baby.

Game 2
(12) Towson vs. (5) Drexel

Drexel was hard to cast, but in the end, they're tough and strong. We predict bad things to befall them. And they'd fit right in at a pipe-hitting party. Bruiser Flint's team are Marsellus Wiley. Towson, with their 0-18 conference record, are all dressed up in latex. They'll meet the same fate as the Gimp.

Game 3
(10) Northeastern vs. (7) Delaware

Bill Coen's Huskies were down and out, losing their first 8 in conference play. Then Eric Stoltz as Lance jammed a hypodermic in their chests. And Chiasson Allen became Chaisson Allen, leading NU to 6 wins in their final 10 CAA contests on his way to a first team All-CAA nod. Delaware boasts the conference Rookie of the Year in Devon Saddler, but they're going the way of Marvin, getting their brains spattered all over the car in the first game of the evening session.

Game 4
(11) William & Mary vs. (6) James Madison

Much like Christopher Walken's Captain Koons, the Wrens have been walking around for years with a metaphorical watch in their ass. In this case, an NCAA berth stands in for the timepiece. JMU's as schizophrenic as any team in the CAA, capable of winning four in a row to get to the Dance, and just as likely to lose to W&M. Mia Wallace went from high highs to near death, just like Matt Brady's Dukes. Tonight, the Lance doesn't get the needle into Mia's chest in time and the Wrens continue their recent CAA Tourney success.

Tune in tomorrow as we preview the quarterfinals while whitewater rafting. Bet you can guess who Mr. Wolf is, can't you?


Dave said...

what about "the bonnie situation"?

and i was hoping for an american idol post, as last night i missed "AI," as i was out drinking beer and eating a greasy burger (like an actualman with testicles).

isn't simon gone anyway? who is the new simon?

Squeaky said...

Dave, her name is Steven Tyler.

T.J. said...

Tribe fucking pride

Danimal said...

congratulations on your victory. dicks.