Wednesday, June 13, 2007

King of the Abreus

That's right, it's time for another edition of G:TB's half-cocked and completely contrived faux name game...

Winston Abreu - First on the list is the righty reliever of the Washington Nationals. Winston has been around forever, seemingly in every minor league in the country, finally reaching the bigs last year, where he tossed 8 forgettable innings for the Orioles. Manny Acta doesn't exactly have a lot of choices in that bullpen of his, so Winston might get to stick around for a little while, though his 5.89 ERA, 1.42 WHIP and .307 BAA say otherwise.

Francesco Abreu - Hey, the U.S. Open starts today. And hey, Francesco never played in one...though it appears he was an adequate golfer on the European Tour, winning the German Open in 1973 and the Madrid Open in 1976.

Bobby Abreu - Full name is Bob Kelly Abreu. Did not know that. And in Venezuela he's lovingly known as "Comedulce" (the candy-eater)? Also interesting. But even more interesting is that, after taking April and May off, Bobby decided to stop being a pansy and start producing, and whaddya know, his recent tear has coincided with the Yankees rise from the ashes. Since June began, Bobby is 21-for-46 with 11 walks, 3 SB and 12 RBI (he's got a 12 game hit streak as well). His resurgence, along with some decent starting pitching (finally), has me feeling good about the Yanks postseason chances (for now, we'll say Wild Card...but perhaps Rob and I will be discussing the division come September). I think most folks remember Abreu's time in Philadelphia, but did you know both the Astros and Devil Rays completely gave up on him? Hell, the D-Rays traded him to Philly for Kevin Stocker. There are some out there that might also know Abreu because of his ex-girlfriend, former Miss Universe Alicia Machado. She of course decided to go on the Mexican reality show "La Granja" and bang a dude who looked like an extra in a Sergio Leone western. On camera. Huh, don't remember? Well, thank god for the interweb...the real fun starts at the 3:12 mark...Needless to say, Bobby ended that relationship soon after this clip emerged/word got out she was the Spanish Trishelle.

Dennis Abreu - Nondescript minor league OF in the Cardinals organization. But what you might not realize is this minor league utility guy is actually G:TB's infamous Dennis. That's right, three goofy white dudes from America's second oldest university have made random acquaintances with a 24-year-old Venezuelan minor leaguer who now chooses to pop-in periodically here at G:TB when not being tortured by 8 hours bus rides and Motel 8 accommodations. Pretty weird, huh?

Tony Abreu - Called up about a month ago by the Dodgers because Wilson Betemit and Andy LaRoche have been about as effective as Bert and Ernie trying to man 3B for L.A. Unfortunately for Tony, he is mired in a terrible 6-for-35 slump and it looks like Betemit might take his job back (which is fine by me since Betemit is on my NL-only team). It also doesn't help that Tony is the Butcher of Bakersfield at the hot corner.

Manuel Dias de Abreu - Anytime an actual thing or procedure is named after you, you get to participate in the name game (plus, there's less Abreus out there than you'd think). Manuel was a Brazilian physician and scientist and the inventor of abreugraphy, a rapid radiography of the lungs for screening tuberculosis. Exciting stuff, right? Well, unfortunately/tragically/ironically (pick one), Manuel died in 1962 from lung cancer, probably caused by his long habit of smoking.

And your winner: Bobby Abreu, King of the Abreus...really, never any doubt here, given his play of late and and it's direct effect on the Yanks current 8-game winning streak. Though a few votes were cast for Dennis Abreu, mainly by Dennis himself.

62 comments:

TJ said...

For the heck of it, a quick look at three completely random MLB teams and their recent results:

NY Yankees, 32-21, 9-1 in last 10
NY Mets, 36-28, 1-9 in last 10
Boston Red Sox, 41-23, 4-6 in last 10

Whitney said...

Wilson Betemit hit home runs the last two nights against the suddenly woeful Mets. Neat.

TJ said...

Yep, he's taking his job back...

...and I also saw that Asian pitcher Kuo hit a BOMB off a Met the other night, and even do the bat flip. Bad times in Metville.

TJ said...

Happy Birthday today to Yasmine Bleeth, you dirty, dirty girl you.

Whitney said...

All things considered, I am optimistic that these bad times are occurring in June and not September. of course, last year Sox fans might've thought the same thing in early August, but the bleeding never really stopped.

Tim said...

Don't forget that Giambi has had almost nothing to do with the great team play as of late. With him out, they have mostly used Damon at DH and Melky at CF. Cabrera's arm is very strong. I like the team much better with this lineup. Giambi is slowly morphing into Matt Stairs. He needs to hook into the HGH drip that Abreu started in late May. Abreu's in a contract year, so he and his giant cranium need to turn it on.

A-Rod is on pace for a 64 HR and 170 RBI season, but I think he'll end up one RBI short. I wonder what kind of offer the Cubs or Angels will make for him this off-season. Is 6 years - $120 MM out of the question?

Mark said...

Yasmine Bleeth is dead.

TJ said...

Amazingly, Rodriguez's new deal will be more than that...he's going to get paid $25 mil per year or more AGAIN. It just won't be Tom Hicks this time

Did you realize that moron Hicks actually pays the Yankees $7 mil of Rodriguez's contract?

Whitney said...

Also born today: Burl Ives, Che Guevara, Donald Trump, Boy George, and Sam Perkins.

Question: could we at G:TB (and friends) beat that fivesome in basketball?

We could triple-team The Big Smooth and leave Trump & Boy George uncovered. I think we've got a fighting shot.

TJ said...

Sam Perkins is the most famous alum (by far...and other than me) of my high school.

TJ said...

We would crush that team, though I hear that Guevara guy is a dirty ass player, in the Bruce Bowen mold.

Dennis said...

Burl Ives in his hay...sneaky good. Like Joe Dumars - could lull you to sleep and then, voom, he's past you. We'll need to keep an eye on him out of the triple team.

G:TB by 3 buckets...

TJ said...

Geoff is stuck in some hearing being important, but he would like us all to know he predicts Phil will shoot a 79 today at Oakmont.

By the way, Sergio today...+7 thru 7. Donkey. He's no Francesco Abreu.

TJ said...

Two baseball notes:

Rick Ankiel - at Triple-A Louisville he has 14 home runs, 45 RBIs and a .568 slugging percentage.

Dmitri Young - second in the NL with a .342 batting average (including .398 at RFK)

Mark said...

Did anybody catch Johnny Miller yesterday sayign that Oakmont "wasn't that hard" and basically calling all the golfers saying so a bunch of snivling pussies? It reminded me of an interview with somebody's grandpa.

It was awesome.

Mark said...

It's great that the Cardinals are playing so well that they can afford to let Ankiel continue to grow and mature as a hitter in Memphis. Oh, wait...

TJ said...

I found this very funny:

INDIANAPOLIS -- Sixth-grader Matt Porter didn't enjoy getting "Most Likely Not To Have Children" and "Sir Clowns-a-Lot" awards from two teachers at his school.

His parents aren't pleased, either.

Matt said he received the awards in front of classmates during a ceremony at the Decatur Intermediate Learning Center at the end of the recently finished school year. His mother and his stepfather have asked the Decatur Township school system to reprimand the teachers, and they want an apology.

Whitney said...

Perhaps the parents misunderstood -- it was "Most Likely Not to Have Children This Year," and they should be pleased with young Matt as compared with his peers.

Rickey Henderson said...

A capitol blog. Rickey will be returning here in the future.

TJ said...

Gheorghe is happy if Rickey is happy.

Rickey Henderson said...

Indeed, fucking Delgado is killing my fantasy baseball team. Well that and the lack of decent relief pitchers...

Mark said...

Rickey and Gheorghe seem like and unlikely duo. I like it though.

TJ said...

Rickey and Gheorghe
Van Damme and Rodman
Heidi Klum and Seal

Whitney said...

Paulina and Ric
Tuna and T.O.
Hall and Oates

Dennis said...

Cock and Balls

Mark said...

Billy and Joakim
Larry and Balki
Jerry and Eazy

rob said...

lebron named his kid maximus (sort of). i applaud.

Mark said...

You're far behind your Doofus Overlord on this one, Rob. Check the Wheelhouse.

TJ said...

Luke...I am your father...

rob said...

the wheelhouse is still in business?

TJ said...

Phil bested Geoff's guess by 5 today, shooting a first round 74.

kungpao said...

Chris Berman just called Vijay Singh "Vijay Shing"

ESPN shouldn't do golf.

TJ said...

Gheorghe is a HUGE fan of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog...

TJ said...

Rob, on a rampage:

BERLIN (Reuters) - An aggressive squirrel attacked and injured three people in a German town before a 72-year-old pensioner dispatched the rampaging animal with his crutch.

The squirrel first ran into a house in the southern town of Passau, leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman, and sank its teeth into her hand, a local police spokesman said Thursday.

With the squirrel still hanging from her hand, the woman ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off.

The animal then entered a building site and jumped on a construction worker, injuring him on the hand and arm, before he managed to fight it off with a measuring pole.

"After that, the squirrel went into the 72-year-old man's garden and massively attacked him on the arms, hand and thigh," the spokesman said. "Then he killed it with his crutch."

The spokesman said experts thought the attack may have been linked to the mating season or because the squirrel was ill.

Geoff said...

For the record, I forgot Oakmont was a par 70 when I said that...I would have gone with 77.

TJ said...

Duly noted...so is this Chris Daughtry guy gonna implode today or what?

TJ said...

Did he learn nothing from the Eddie Griffin debacle (and no, I don't mean "Redline")?

Former Oklahoma State basketball player Byron Houston was arrested for indecent exposure Wednesday after a woman called police and said she saw a man masturbating near Northwest Expressway and Independence Road in Oklahoma City, police said Thursday.

Geoff said...

That Byron Houston story is fantastic. I consider this incident to be a standard part of the fallout resulting from dealing with the devastation of being a "tweener."

TJ said...

I can't wait until this happens to Luther Head.

Mark said...

I guess we're about 5 years away from Marcus Fizer raping a goat then.

Geoff said...

Now who's being naive? He went to school in Iowa for Christ's sake...

Geoff said...

I just saw Junior Burroughs jacking it on 395 South...

TJ said...

Jared Dudley is pre-destined to be caught yanking his schlong in a TGIF bathroom.

Mark said...

Randolph Childress was recently caught in a Winston-Salem area Wal-Mart beating off to exericse videos in the electronics section.

TJ said...

If Ron and Fez are still alive, someone needs to alert them we have a fantastic comedy pyramid going...

TJ said...

Ricky Davis was...well really, at this point, can't we assume Ricky does this all the time and just hasn't been caught yet?

Whitney said...

Geoff, is this what you meant by TJ raising the level of discourse here?

TJ said...

Discourse this, pal.

TJ said...

You too good to play along? Your job keeping you busy? Forgot all the NBA tweeners you saw in Bullets uniforms?

rob said...

cal cheaney wasn't tough enough to jerk himself off, so he just watched mitchell butler.

TJ said...

See, rob plays along...

TJ said...

Strange things seem to be afoot at the Circle K.

Timothy said...

If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of?

Geoff said...

Did someone delete my post about Whit? That's hurtful.

Oh..69...

TJ said...

"This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods."

kungpao said...

I shot 8 over on the front nine at Rock Creek Park. Does that make me better than Sergio Garcia? Shit at least I carry my own clubs.

kungpao said...

Though god bless him he's a skins fan

TJ said...

You think Mr. Houston had Billy Squier on in the car?

TJ said...

Bob Barker is 84 f'ing years old. Good god...he's ten years older than Larry King.

TJ said...

5 days ago, the Nats Levale Speigner goes out and beats Johan Santana in Minnesota. Today he gives up 7 runs in 3.1 IP against the Blue Jays. Just what the Nats need, consistent starting pitching.

TJ said...

Here comes Jim Furyk...

rob said...

king of the cabreras might be a tougher game