The Mayor of Cincinnati, Mark Mallory, should have practiced** a little before unleashing this montrosity (possibly the worst form on a pitch I have ever seen). The look of bewilderment on Eric Davis' face is priceless.
**Wow, according to this article in the Cincinnati Enquirer, Mallory did practice...twice...before releasing this Ralph Wiggum special. It's a shock Pete Rose's words of wisdom didn't help:
"You imagine the person you hate the most is standing behind the catcher," Rose told Mallory.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
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Sorry for the back-to-back YouTubes, but a clip that good cannot be passed up.
That was unreal. They should confiscate that guys penis.
The Yankees, Red Sox, and Mets represent the three highest payrolls in baseball, so nobody 'round these parts can have much to say in a pointed way about money issues, but just for fun...
Yesterday the Yankees rallied to knock off the Devil Rays, 9-5. Meanwhile ARod's $27.7 million salary is several million bucks more than the entire D-Rays' 25-man roster. Giambi ($23.4M) and Jeter ($21.6M) are currently below that threshold, but give them time. Tampa could always make a trade.
FANS: Can we interest you in a salary cap?
BASEBALL: No thank you. I don't wear them.
I need to find a clip of Jim Bowden's interview with Brett Haber yesterday, so we can chronicle each and every lie he is telling Nats fans...and that was only after Game 1. Should we place an over/under on his tenure in DC?
This reminds me of how I gauge my tolerance for actors these days...I look for scenes of them doing something remotely athletic (like throwing a ball, running, catching car keys, etc.). If they look coordinated/athletic (and I think it's been made abundantly clear on the Wheelhouse how that is determined...) in doing so, I like them. If they perform like an 8-year-old girl, i hate them.
Examples of the first category: Kevin Costner - reference the 25 baseball moves... Matthew Fox from Lost when he goes on that fly pattern with the feaux bearded "other" - solid over the shoulder grab and toss back... and Woody Harrelson in White Men Can't Jump (not Wesley Snipes...he's actually terrible - really watch it sometime...sooo bad)
Example of the second: Tom Cruise playing catch with his son at the beginning of War of the Worlds...oh my God. Leonardo DiCaprio - runs like a ninny (although, I think the reason he was nominated for an Oscar in the Blood Diamond was because it was clear he put in some solid work in the off-season developing his "run".)
Robert Redford was able to play Roy Hobbs without visual distractions because he had been a baseball player. Though he's been a little soft in some of his many roles, this Internet tidbit: "Redford was a scrappy kid who stole hubcaps in high school and lost his college baseball scholarship at the University of Colorado because of drunkenness" speaks volumes.
People complain about Tim Robbins in Bull Durham, but I think his Kevin Appier/Fernando Valenzuela/Sidd Finch amalgam does just fine. Charlie Sheen looked solid in Major League, but the other pitcher Harris (one of SportGuy's "those guys") was pretty poor.
What of Keanu Reeves? He's played a couple of quarterbacks (The Replacements, Point Break, and he didn't embarrrass himself, but he's no stud athlete.
Vaya con Dios, Brah...
Who let that dick in here?
Oh, and speaking of Point Break - Patrick Swayze prances around like a ballerina in the beach football scene.
matthew fox played wide receiver for columbia, so he'd better be able to make that catch.
rob lowe looked reasonably athletic in youngblood, though i confess that i was more focused on jesse gibb.
Costner's golf swing in Tin Cup was strong to quite strong, as was Don Johnson's (should be, he claims to be a 2 handicap). Matt Damon's swing in Bagger Vance reminded me of my mom's. That's not a compliment. Matthew McConaghey also appears to be a solid athlete.
Oh, and treat yourself to Tom Cruise shooting hoops in Cocktail sometime...
Someone send that man a Tom Emanski pitching video!
Cruise also managed to score himself a scene swinging at softballs in A Few Good men. While he didn't look as good as most of the players in A League of Their Own, he wasn't as spastic as in his other pathetic athletics.
i don't mean to imply that the nats suck, but mark mallory's making fun of them right now.
There might not be a more horribly titled segment on TV these days than "Alone With Rome". Just thinking about spending one second alone with Jim Rome terrifies me.
Rack me, I'm out.
As someone who attended last night's Natty's game, Mark Mallory was right to mock them. As a defensive first baseman, Dimitri Young would need to be holding a butterfly net in order to up his game to "average." And the pitching, my god the pitching. It was 4-0 before the Nats had recorded an out and it only got worse.
in shawn hill's defense, he got absolutely zippy help in that first inning. should've been no more than 1 run surrendered, though he could've supported the cause by throwing strikes.
Happy Birthday to your boy, Tommy Jim Doyle. Ripe old age of 31. Jam yourself.
ahhh, 31. such a useless age.
31, huh?
Happy Birthday, old man.
Yep, I am old and useless...have been for years. 31 is a good number though...it was my high school hoops number, which of course means it was displayed sparingly during my "career".
teejay as a hoopster - i'm picturing a less mobile version of jack sikma.
Am I the only frequent visitor to this section who's under the age of 30?
Picturing TJ with Sikma's hair has got me laughing pretty good.
Mike Piazza made 31 look cool. Taj, I am guessing you are really just waiting for next year, so you can don the old SIMSPON jersey with some meaning.
Happy Birthday, dude.
mark - does your babysitter know you're logging into sites like this one?
hell, whitney's almost 40.
I am wearing the 'Spon jersey and my condom tie to work next year. As Wandering Glass Eye would say, Boo yah...
Mark's babysitter is bound and gagged in the corner, while Vodka Guy and Boots light her on fire.
That pretty much sums it up.
Speaking of Jim Rome...
Happy Birthday Thomas. Don't worry--Swint will be 31 soon too...and I'm only about 6months behind.
and to answer Mark's question, Mayhugh, Jerry and Greg are all still clinging to 29...but it won't last much longer...
The Washington Nationals just can't win for losing. Mike Jacobs just dribbled one foul down the 3rd base line that hit a pebble or something and scooted back fair -- and he was still in the batter's box. Somehow, though, Ryan Zimmerman booted it. Next batter, Cody Ross. Upper deck shot, 2-0 Marlins.
The Nats, or the "Nots" as we here at G:TB have taken to calling them, are the perfect blend of striking putrescence and jinxy bad luck. 110 losses is a conservative estimate.
Dana Altman, meet Gregg Marshall, Bobby Cremins and Rick Majerus...
Dana Altman, introduced as Arkansas' new basketball coach on Monday, changed his mind less than 24 hours later and announced on Tuesday night that he is returning to Creighton, where he has coached the Bluejays the past 13 seasons.
. . . and Jimmye Laycock.
Holy crap. Dana is a girls name.
Miggy Cabrera, upper deck shot. 4-0, Marlins. It's a bloodbath in DC this season. Shield your eyes.
Dennis, you want to concede now?
Mike Jacobs, solo shot. 5-0. Nots fans are taking solace in the fact that it failed to reach the upper deck.
Yes, I'll concede. And let's just give the Brewers the National League pennant while we're at it...
The Brew Crew will be happy to hear that...
What is this team's fascination with losing?
I actually feel bad for these guys...well, for some of these guys. There are other dudes on this team I strongly dislike (hate seemed a tad strong), and that includes the GM.
You know, the negativity in this town sucks, and it stinks and it sucks...Walter Johnson isn't walking through that door. Bucky Harris isn't walking through that door...
Bucky Harris? Wasn't he won of Carol Seaver's boyfriends on Growing Pains?
Jose Vidro isn't walking through that door...mainly because he has zero cartilage in his knees.
By the way, the Mariners are using that guy as their #5 hitter I think. Can you say "AL West cellar"?
How did I just misspell "one" as "won"? Who is this dumb?
Spelling is so overrated in the blogging world. I mean this isn't exactly a legitimate media outlet...
It's true. For instance, many posters don't even use their real name..or even a name that remotely resembles their name in any way.
You're so right. One guy who frequently comments here uses a girl's name...
Nats tied it up!! Bottom 9....drama at RFK...
NATS WIN! NATS WIN! NATS WIN!!!!
Only 62 more....Let's Go Nats. Let's Go Nats....
I'm not sure I like that chant, but hats off to a stirring comeback at RFK. It's nice to see that the Nats' penchant for losing isn't as prodigious as Jorge Julio's is.
Strange doings in the bigs today. The Tigers are in the middle of blowing an 8-run lead in the 8th, and it's snowing in the Indians/White Sox game.
Jose Vidro is batting third behind Ichiro and Beltre and in front of Ibanez and Sexson.
Look at the big brain on Brad...
And Jorge Dandys (Tapia) Julio...Spanish for blown save?
Jorge Julio, 99 career saves, and twice that many managerial headaches.
If Gilbert is done for the year, the Darius Songaila-led Washington Wizards might actually miss the playoffs...
Do I win beer if that happens?
I don't believe we made the "Wiz missing the playoffs" bet this year...
You're right. I was just seeing if you would be as generous to this unemployed guy as you are to the fellow outside the Irish Times.
Maybe we should construct a bet now...
Remember, you're just unemployed...not homeless...
Yet...
This WNBA draft recap is taking me a lot longer than expected...
Whit, Burr and I will be dining at the Dub today...we will pour out some beer for you.
i hope to see a gratuitous candace parker picture in the wnba recap, teej. that, or some lightly-veiled pokey chapman scuttlebutt.
stay tuned, readers. we're about to break some serious new ground here at g:tb
also, i will be very disappointed if i have to stop being fond of wvu basketball. but that's exactly what'll happen if they hire huggy-bear. morgantown, you don't want to get on g:tb's bad side. just ask cincinnati.
Um, hit refresh...if you want to be horrified.
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